It's been an interesting weekend to say the least

So I have a houseguest. It's unique. There's a giant black van parked down the street from the house, he took off his jacket and I could see that yes there were guns, and when he came back this morning from making a new friend he was covered in blood and mentioned that his shoulder had been dislocated. So not the kind of person one usually expects to come visit.

And yet I feel almost safe. It's silly really. I know that his guns aren't going to do shit to save me, that if my favorite stalker decides that tonight's the night he wants me to go, bullets aren't going to help me one bit.  But I'll take any form of comfort lately, even if it is false.

The first night he got here, after we said our good night's, I woke up hearing what I've started thinking of as the suicide music. The longer I try to pretend it isn't there, the worse it gets. It's becoming a normal night for me sadly. Wake up, hear music, sit in window, watch faceless, spend night clawing at my own skin to keep myself from going outside to it, eventually pass out in window despite trying everything possible not to. On the plus side, the crystals still seem to be keeping me from going walking in my sleep. They just don't seem to have the same beneficial effect on my conscious mind.

Anyway, when I had my normal wake up call happen on his first night here, I tried to be quiet, but he woke up anyway. And he sat with me the whole night while we watched it watch us. And when I fell asleep, he must have carried me up to my bed. It was nice change waking up there rather then waking up in my window with a stiff neck like I've been doing. He's very much a gentleman, the kind of guy that doesn't seem to exist anymore. All though I suppose that must be rather at odds with the guns and blood.

There was a bad spot today. I know that I've hinted here and there that I had a rather unpleasant romantic past. Well that past came back to haunt me today in the form of my old engagement ring showing up on my front steps. Poor Mr. Spender brought it in while I was still sleeping, thinking it was a gift someone had left for me, which isn't entirely untrue. It was a gift. A completely unwanted gift, but a gift. Imagine my heart attack when I woke up and thought my ex had somehow broken in while I was asleep and alone in the house to leave it for me. That was a pretty unpleasant freak out. 

He is a surprisingly soothing person to be around. He was able to calm me down and I'm not sure where he put the ring, but I trust that its somewhere I won't run across it randomly. Here's hoping at least.

Still alive here

I haven’t had the urge to update lately. Things just seem so very lost. Ava’s gone, deities only know where, we apparently have an army of super powered assholes that know what we’re going to do before we do it to deal with on top of the eldritch abomination, and it just gets harder and harder to resist it.

Some people have claimed to talk with it. Others have claimed that it projects a voice into their heads. For me, I hear music. It’s seductive and beautiful, possibly the loveliest melody I have heard in my life. There are no lyrics, no words, but I still know what it says. Come to me. Come to me and all this will be over. You won’t have to be afraid or lonely anymore. No more pain. All you have to do is come to me and it will never hurt again.

It’s so hard at night lately. It reminds me of the siren songs of legend, where the siren would sing and the men would run and leap open arms off their boats to their doom, joyful the whole time. And that’s how I feel, sitting in my window having our nightly staring contest. Like all I need to do is walk out that door and just let it be over.

I’m just so tired of being afraid.

Really?

This is not funny!

Just urgh! Tip for you freakazoid. Leaving this plastered on my front door does not make you amusing. It makes me pissed off and may the gods and goddesses help you if I find out who you are.

Other then that, there's nothing really new to update. My head still hurts, but no major damage.Thinking about learning some more frying pan fu. No more attacks, just the normal sightings of faceless. Not sure if the quiet is good or bad. Three guesses and the first two don't count about which way I think that means.

I see that there are some people reading this blog that I am unfamiliar with. Please don't be shy. Say hello. Link me to your blogs. Tell me if you're ok. We may not know each other personally, but it doesn't stop me from caring.

Ava, Reach, and Tony are going after Robert today. Hence why I'm awake at stupidly early o'clock. I'm terrified for them right now. I'm just gonna cross my fingers and keep sending everything I've got their way.

Gonna go eat breakfast. I will not be wandering far from blogger today. Too tense.

Guest Author Tonight

This would be “the untrustworthy guy with insane reflexes” talking. Kay asked me to post an update for her. Why me and not her? Well she’s currently lying on her couch with an icepack on her head. She tried to get up to post herself, I threatened to sit on her if she didn’t lay back down, and we came to the compromise that I would tell you people why exactly she’s not allowed to get off the couch until I’m sure she doesn’t have anything more severe then a concussion. After all making sure people she never has and never will meet know all the details of her life is more important then the fact that she’s still tilting from side to side every time she tries to sit up. Oh and making dinner. Can’t forget how life threatening that is.

I mean really what is with this chick? Slender Man hangs out in her backyard night after night, people break into her house and try to kidnap her, and she’s making cookies? Guess I shouldn’t complain too much. This is the best food I’ve eaten since before I started running, but what kind of a loon thinks getting her meatloaf out of the oven is more important then recovering from getting clocked in the head? I ain’t gonna lie though, woman makes one of the best damn meatloafs I’ve ever tasted.

Getting the look of death over here right now. She’s got herself propped up enough that she can see what I’m typing. And she’s bitching at me to stop talking about her and just type what happened. Problem being that even if she wasn’t dazed as all hell right now, she wouldn’t be very intimidating. Girl’s so damn tiny her hair probably weighs more then she does.

All right, all right, jeez. Better start typing what happened before she kills herself trying to get to the computer. So whichever of His followers that have been targeting her probably didn’t get the memo that she has a temporary roommate. I’m sitting in her living room, checking some maps, trying to figure out which direction is a good one to go in next. Try not to stay in one place for too long. She’s in the kitchen cooking and she must have been having a damn good time because she was singing while she did whatever it is she does in there.

So there’s a thud, the singing cuts off, and she makes this squeaking sound. Yes you did squeak. You can insist that you didn’t squeak all you want, but you squeaked. For Christ sake you should be grateful you squeaked! Me hearing it saved your life didn’t it?

Anyway, she squeaks and I go running into the kitchen just in time to see some guy wearing a mask (not one of those Marble Hornet type things, just a ski mask), holding a lead pipe and tossing her over his shoulder. He sees me and throws her unconscious body on the ground like it’s a duffle bag. Comes at me with the pipe and we start trying to wrestle each other for it while he rants about "He is coming and will destroy us all". Nothing I haven't heard before.

I ain’t a small guy, but barely eating and sleeping in any damn alley corner I can find for the past few months hasn't really helped me stay in top fighting form. He gets me down on the ground and is pushing the pipe against my throat. I’ve got black spots starting to appear in front of my eyes and I’m thinking my time is up when there’s a big metallic clang sound.
The kidnapper lets go of the pipe and rolls off of me while grabbing at his head. There’s Kay standing over the both of us holding a god damned frying pan like it’s a baseball bat. She’s also swaying back and forth like a drunk on a Saturday night. He tries to push to his feet so she tries to clock the guy again. Unluckily for her, he dodges and the forward swing makes her lose her balance and fall on top of me. Asshole bolts out the back door while I’m trying to simultaneously get out from under her without knocking her around anymore then she already was and get back the breath that the lead pipe and her falling on my solar plexus took away from me.

He apparently climbed in through the back window. She swears it was closed and locked and if it was one of His guys, I have no doubt that it was before He decided to send someone in after her. I’m gonna try and figure out something with the ones on the ground floor for her to keep that from happening again. We ended up ok this time because the asshole thought she was alone, but He’s gonna know that there are two of us here now. I, uh hate to think what would have happened if she was here alone.

She can’t keep her balance for shit right now and she’s got a nice sized lump on the back of her head from where he cracked her, but other then that she seems like she’s gonna be ok. And if she stops trying to get up when she’s still dizzy I might even give her back her Blackberry so she can respond to anyone reading this. God trying to separate her from her blog is like trying to take a crack pipe away from a junkie.

Oh and I’m supposed to tell Lucien that she’s ok, but if you don’t want to believe the strange man’s story to call the house line.

A few random things

A quick story because we all need to laugh right now. I woke up this morning and stumbled into the bathroom to take a shower. I’ve lived alone for a few years now and I’m not really used to having to share my space. I must have been a little noisy because when I got out Darren was awake.

Darren: Why are you up so early?

Me:  I need to get ready for work.

Darren: You’re going to work?

Me: Well yes, my boss would probably be happy if I didn’t call out again this month.

He then proceeded to stare at me as if I had grown an extra head.

Darren: You’re being hunted by an impossible monster, you have a strange man staying in your house, and you’re going to work?

I shrugged.

Me: Need to pay the bills don’t I? As far as it, if I need to start running like you do, I need to have money saved. And as far as you, what’s the worst that happens? You steal my TV while I’m gone and run off? In light of the faceless monster, that doesn’t seem too important, now does it?

He stared at me for another minute, shook his head and went back to my spare room. And yes when I got home from work, both Darren and my TV were still here.

As much as I am pushing to keep my job and stay here, I’m not completely naive. I know that I may have to become a runner. Luckily for me I am an extremely thrifty person. I’ve got a healthy amount of savings and  I’ve got good credit. I could probably get some extra credit cards if I need. And as a last resort, I can sell my house. That would kill me. This was my grandmother’s house and she left it to me when she died. It’s kind of my last link to her. But she wouldn’t want me to stay here and die either.

Final note for the evening. How Darren ended up in the same place I did. Like I mentioned earlier, he’s been running for about nine months. He was being herded for almost two days straight. Faceless would do stuff like block him from hitching a ride with a certain truck, or refuse to let him head into cities. He wasn’t actually dumb enough to enter the forest of his own free will, but got chased in by a proxy. He’s not sure how long exactly he was in there. But eventually he got to an area that had bodies hanging in the trees. He says it could have been hundreds, there were too many to count.  He didn’t get into too much detail about what else happened in there. He just gets this panicky look and says he doesn’t want to talk about it. I’m guessing it was pretty bad.

At that point, he saw that black fog I mentioned in my last post and started to book out of there.  Between the proxy still trying to take him down and trying to dodge trees in the dark, he was pretty beaten by the time he got to me. He did manage to lose the proxy before he got out of the woods and luckily for him there I was having a nervous breakdown in my car. You guys know the rest.

Time to go rest. Got work in the morning. And it’s the only normal thing I have left.

And the rest

When we last left our pathetic protagonist, she was sitting in her car on the outskirts of Jersey’s most haunted forest, crying her eyes out from terror and exhaustion.

Wouldn’t make for much of a good story huh? An action star I am not. Besides, all I ever wanted was to read stories, not live one.

Anyway, I sat in my car for I’m not sure how long, trying to get my hysterics under control. Faceless hadn’t shown back up yet, and I had just enough of a brain left to know that I needed to calm myself down before it came back. Woman alone in her car in the middle of no where? Before all of this started, I would have joked that this is the point where the crazy ax murderer comes charging out of the trees. With that now being a very real possibility it kinda takes the funny out of it.

And of course as all of these wonderfully dismal thoughts are running through my head, what happens? Someone starts pounding on my car. It was pretty dark out and all I could see was the silhouette of a rather large individual. He was trying to yank my doors open and pounding on my window, screaming “Let me in, let me in!”

A smart woman would have started the car and driven away, right? Well that’s not me. Instead I froze completely, like a deer in headlights. And as much as that wasn’t a smart thing, it actually turned out to be a good thing. Yay fear for making my life better?

Sorry getting a head of myself. Anyway, I froze and it was so strange, it felt like everything around me was slowing down. And I was noticing the tiniest details. Like the fact that this guy was leaving blood splattered on my window as he hit it. And the way he wasn’t screaming in rage. It didn’t sound anything like the guy who nearly killed me a few weeks. This guy was terrified. And then I saw...I’m not even sure how to describe this. It was a foggy misty kind of cloud. But it wasn’t grey. It was black. And it was moving closer. I mean like movie fog fast, rolling along like a giant cloud of darkness. And it was coming straight for my car. Which meant the guy outside was screwed.

In hindsight, I think I only froze for a few seconds, but it felt longer. Like I was taking a leisurely couple of minutes all though leisurely is not an adjective that describes my mental state at that point. So a few seconds to make a decision.

My instincts for people aren’t the greatest. I’ve always been the kind of person that welcomes everyone into her life and then is shocked when not everyone turns out to be good for me. But at that moment, instincts were all I had going for me. So I hit the button on the car door to let the guy in.  

He jumped in the car and screamed “Drive.” Like we were in a horror movie. I wanted to laugh from the absurdity of it. Instead I started the car and spun her around as fast as I could. As we pulled away, I made a really dumb mistake. I looked in my rearview mirror. And there was faceless. It was riding that foggy stuff. Standing on top of the cloud as it moved forward and everything that cloud touched was disappearing, like the darkness was eating the world. And I could hear the most horrible screaming sounds. I think that the screams were the animals that the darkness was eating. Or maybe it was just the noise a cloud of evil darkness makes, I don’t know. But it was horrible.

I screamed and hit the gas pedal harder. My impromptu companion looked behind us and told me, “Don’t look, just drive lady!” As if I had stopped instead of speeding up. I never would have thought it would be possible to get offended while trying to not run gibbering into a corner of madness. I shoved my GPS at him and told him to go into my locations and have it tell me how to get home.

I’m not sure how long it chased us for. I just know that eventually when I glanced in my mirror, it wasn’t there. I want to say it took me about a half hour to get onto the GSP, but my sense of time was probably more then a little skewed. I got the two of us to a rest stop, pulled into the back of the parking lot, and turned to look at my new passenger.

I stared at him for a minute. He was pretty damn beaten up. Blood everywhere and it looked like his nose might be broken. He had that almost dead look in his eyes that you get after you’ve lived with sheer terror as a constant state of being. I know that look pretty well. After all I’ve been seeing it in the mirror a lot lately. Sanity started slowly returning and I realized that I was alone in my car with a strange man that despite looking fairly battered, was still quite a bit larger then me. Five million questions went through my head like who are you, are you going to kill me, and can you please stop dripping blood on my seats? After a minute of staring at him like an idiot, I managed to pick a fairly relevant one.

“Was that your first time seeing it?” He shook his head. “Me either.” And then I started crying. Fuck it feels like all I ever do is cry lately. He actually reacted pretty well though. Most guys, random strange woman starts crying, they get all freaked out. Him though, well I guess its some kind of empathy of we’re surviving the same cosmic horror. He put a hand on my back, did that there there pat, and let me cry it out. After I stopped with round five million of the waterworks, we introduced ourselves. Kay, meet Darren.

At this point it was late enough, or early enough rather that the sun was starting to come up. I was not in any condition to keep driving. So we found a motel and crashed for a few hours. I guess I should have been worried about sharing a motel room with a stranger, but I was so exhausted I couldn’t even think straight. He didn’t try anything though. Grabbed a blanket and pillow off the bed and passed out on the floor.

We slept until late in the afternoon. I probably could have slept longer, but Darren woke me up and pointed out the window. Faceless was back. We made it out to my car no problem. Then the herding started again. This time though, I wasn’t having 3 in the morning hysterics and I could tell what it was doing. It was trying to get me to turn around, head back to the Pine Barrens. I didn’t know what to do, and I started freaking out again. Darren convinced me to pull over while we were still in a well populated area and let him drive.

I’m not sure whether that was a mistake or not. The next time skinny shit blocked an exit, Darren slammed on the gas pedal. I thought I going to die. The car whipped forward heading towards it. And then at the last second, Darren spins the wheel to the left and managed to go around it without crashing and killing us both.  I have no idea how he pulled it off. Like I was riding with freaking Speed Racer or something. The speed we were going at he should not have been able pull that off. Don’t question it, right?

So the rest of the drive was fairly uneventful. We swapped stories. Darren has been a runner for nine months now and that’s all I’m going to say. Not really my place to share his story. He’s crashing in my spare bedroom for now. It’s a nice trade off. He hasn’t slept in a real bed in weeks and I have some company in the house if anyone else tries to break in.

I must be living in the Twilight Zone. I am grateful that a strange man that I know next to nothing about is sleeping in my spare bedroom because it makes me feel safer.

*facepalms*

I am so sorry everyone

Ok I’m here, I’m alive, I’m not hollowed, I want my shower and my bed desperately. But I have to wait for my turn in the shower, so I’ll at least try to type some of what happened until it’s free. Lucien, sweetie, I'm sorry I scared you, I texted you as soon as I got my phone back on.

I’m gonna get that last post out of the way first. Someone broke into the house after I ran and used my computer to make that post.  I think I know what it references, and fuck you whichever possessed asshole you are, I’m not letting that get to me. I’m so sorry that whoever this asshole was scared you guys, but my phone died while I was gone and I didn’t have my charger. Didn’t even know that post was there until I checked my email and saw all the comments. And that’s all the attention I’m giving that. The end. 

As to where I’ve been, after I finished posting and freaking out for a few more minutes,  I went out my back door and made a run for my car. Thinking about it now, it really was too easy. Got to the car and out of the driveway with no issues. Peeled down the road and hopped onto the highway. I had no idea where I was going, I just drove aimlessly for about a half hour. And that’s when what we’re terming the herding started.

I decided I would try and drive back home. When I went to make a U turn, my favorite stalker was at the exit. I know some people have been brave enough to try and ram that thing, but that’s really not me. The little bit of courage I have seems to have completely disappeared after the Experiment 3 disaster. So I kept driving. And this went on for over two hours. It seemed completely random. Sometimes I would make a left and it wouldn’t be there and sometimes it would block every turn I tried to make. 

So after a long not so leisurely drive I finally found a spot to pull over that didn’t have a faceless wonder waiting for me. I was grateful to say the least for the chance to stop driving. If I’m going to be honest, I was crying so hard at this point that I could barely even see where I was going. I had grabbed my purse before running to the car and lucky for me I had my GPS in it. It took about five minutes for the damn thing to figure out where I was.

Leed’s Point. Fricking Leed’s Point. For anyone who is not familiar with the utterly weird state I live in, Leed’s Point is (one of the places) believed to be the birthplace of the Jersey Devil. The last thing in the fricking universe I was about to do was go hiking into the Pine Barrens in the middle of the night. I’m not dumb enough to do that without the Eldritch Abomination stalking me. But I was not in any way ready to try and start driving again. I figured my safest bet for the moment was to sit in the car until I was calmer. 

Shower’s free. I’ll finish later.

One little kitten
She lost her mitten
Or maybe not a mitten
It only needed one finger

I woke up because there's someone pounding on my front door. When I sat up I realized something even worse. It's standing outside my bedroom window. I can see the outline through the blinds.

I heard a whimpering sound and couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Then I realized it was coming from me.

It's standing outside my bedroom window.

My bedroom is on the second floor.

Gonna take a chance and make a run for my car.

A proper post

So I was a good girl today. Minimal computer time, just checked in every now and then to make sure no one had blown up. Made sure to relax and tried not to freak out too much.  Gotta get a handle on things, boss is not gonna be happy if I keep calling out from work. But I needed to take care of myself today. And I really needed to be alone.

So I don’t know what to classify Experiment 3 as. Mostly because I don’t know what happened. Let me back up about a week or so.  I mentioned rosemary as being the main component for Experiment 2. Well just because the wreathe didn’t work didn’t mean rosemary had no use. As I stated before, rosemary is a traditional herb for use against evil. The wreathe didn’t work and I couldn’t exactly walk up the monster and ask it if it wanted to drink a cup of rosemary tea. So I had to come up with another way to use it.

I decided that water would be the most effective medium to use the rosemary with.  I have heard so many theories about it and water that it seemed like a perfect combination.  I spent several days letting the rosemary steep in in a pot of water (about an ounce of fresh rosemary in about a gallon of water would be my best guess, I didn’t measure) and was just waiting for a sighting that didn’t involve me walking into the street in the middle of the night.  Yes I can learn from past mistakes.

I debated on several different methods of how to test the final product on it and after I decided against using  the pot, spitting at it, and a super soaker, I decided on water balloons. Purple water balloons. No the color has no significance, it just happens to be my favorite color.

So I’ve been sleeping with my spare laundry basket next to my bed, piled full of magical water balloons. Yes I know what that sounds like. No I don’t give a shit. You wouldn’t be laughing if I had said it worked, would you?

Ok background finished, on to last night. I’ve managed to stall typing this out all day.  It was standing under my directly window. Perfect shot. There was no way I could miss it. I put my crystals on my dresser and I grabbed a balloon. Asked any deities that might be listening to let me please stay alive and let it drop.

That was around 10:30-11 last night. I have no other memories until about 5 this morning. I was standing in my backyard. I had been wearing shorts and a t-shirt to sleep in. My legs, arms, and clothes were covered in dirt and blood and hairs, some kind of animal hairs.  There were animal parts strewn about my yard. I’m gonna guess rabbits or squirrels, maybe raccoons. My part of the state isn’t very heavy on wildlife.

I walked to the front of my house and there was an operator symbol on it. It was drawn in blood. At this point, I had what I think was a fairly reasonable reaction. I got sick. Got inside, showered, and cleaned the blood off my door. I tried to type this up, but every time I started to, things just started spinning in my head and it was way too much to handle.

Because there’s one other thing I’ve avoided typing so far. I might be wrong. Everything was crazy. And I wasn’t feeling very coherent at that point, maybe I’m panicking over nothing,  but…

I think there was a metallic taste in my mouth.

What the fuck did I do?

So things didn't

I just

The experiment

Shit.

Clang Clang Clang

You know what sucks? Trying to sleep in an old house. With old pipes. Old pipes that like to make loud clanging noises while the heat is coming up. Loud clanging noises that occasionally make the walls shake. Because I'm not paranoid enough lately, right?

Just looked out the window. It's there. Right under my window. I couldn't have gotten it in a more perfect spot if I asked. Experiment 3 starts now.

"You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile"

You know what makes me happy? Music. All kinds of music. And thanks to the glory of the internet, I have now a playlist six hours long of music that makes me bounce and smile and laugh and dance.  And my ribs are getting better enough that I can move in a fashion that might in less than sober circles be considered dancing.

What does this have to do with anything? Positive energy folks. Being a witch, positive energy is more than just a touchy feely phrase used by group therapists. It’s an actual force that can be used.  And I noticed something. On Friday night, I was lonely and miserable, and hey look who showed up?  On Saturday night, I was joyous and ecstatic and there was nothing.

It’s not a new theory. The idea of positive energy working against it has been explored by other people, notably (in my opinion at least) Maduin of A Really Bad Joke.  Make ourselves laugh, keep smiling and mean it. Joy makes us stronger and it doesn’t want that.

So music. It’s Tony’s fault in a way. He joked about singing bad love songs to it. And then Maduin talked about using music in one of his pranks. And it got me thinking about the power music has over emotions. How sometimes putting on a well loved cd has the ability to make the world go away. I personally am not going to sing to it, I’ll leave that to Maduin. But I have my happy playlist going and I also have a collection of dvds that never cease to make me laugh for when I need a break from music. I know I can’t keep myself happy all of the time, but I’m going to make a damn good effort. I’m also going to start keeping more chocolate around the house. Stimulate the endorphins. Gonna pretend that calories ingested while fighting for my life don’t count. 

A not so happy update. Experiment 2 was an utter failure, but I’m not too upset about it because I wasn’t expecting it to do much.  I got a wreathe made of rosemary which is an herb traditionally used to repel evil and hung it on my front door. It lasted three nights and was mysteriously gone when I left for work this morning.  Could be just random neighborhood twits, or it could be someone making fun of me. Who knows? If it was removed by one its toys,  the point was made. If it wants in my house, a protective wreathe isn’t gonna stop it. But it was worth a try. And I’m not done with the rosemary yet.

After sleeping with it for days now, I am satisfied with the results of the obsidian and will be amending my post on Experiment 1 to reflect that. Other than normal night time wake ups (sore ribs, bathroom runs) I am sleeping through the night. I’m fairly surprised it worked as well as it did. Obsidian is a more masculine stone and when it comes to protection I’ve always been a bigger fan of hematite, but not complaining one bit here. Anything that keeps us safe.

What Happened Friday Night

The Super Bowl is tonight, isn’t it? I’ve never been a football fan, but I always liked going to the parties. I used to be pretty social when I was younger. Then, well, stuff happened and I became a bit of a shut in. Which works well in my current situation. By the time I made the mistake of thinking I was just watching some scary videos, my former life of large groups and parties every weekend had been replaced by a small core group that would get completely frustrated with my refusal to go out to the clubs and bars with them, but still loved me enough to put up with it and come over to my place for dinner and dvds instead. I’ve been avoiding their phone calls, leaving noncommittal responses to text messages. I even pretended to not be home when they showed up at my door the other night. I know I’m doing the right thing. If anything happened to them because I’m caught up in a cosmic horror story, I don’t think I could keep going. But I miss them. 

So there’s the background for my story of what a moron I was Friday night. I was pretty miserable. Ava is the first friend I made on here and the idea that she was gone was killing me. And I had no one to turn to. I can’t call up my girlfriends or my family. Yes I have Lucien, but he was at work. I don’t even have my cats anymore. When it first showed up, I remembered all those stories about it killing people’s pets and I brought them to a cousin. Gave her an excuse about the recession making things hard and I would take them back when things were better financially, any lie to make sure my kitties would be safe. But this house seems so empty now. And after a little while I just couldn’t handle being alone here anymore. 

There’s a bar about three blocks away from me. Easy walking distance. I didn’t have to worry about taking the car and getting pulled over for driving with a few too many in me, but short enough that it wasn’t going to kill my knee and ribs. 

You guys don’t need the extreme details. I got drunk and there was a guy. I...shit I haven’t let a man touch me in three years. I’ve lived in this house by myself for two years. I just wanted to pretend I was a normal woman again. Not a shut in coward terrified that every man in existence is out to hurt me, not a possibly crazy witch trying to figure out how to combat a monster from another dimension. Just one freaking night, but it was apparently too much to even ask for that. 

So I invited him home and we were walking towards my house. We were about a block away when hey guess who the fuck showed up? There it was just hanging out in the middle of the sidewalk with its head tilted at that angle. I just hate looking at it, it’s not right! I swear if I stare at it long enough I’m going to lose whatever I might have left of my sanity, but how can you not look at it?

Anyway, I was extremely drunk. Drunk enough that I started screaming and yelling at the top of my lungs. Screaming about Ava and my brother and all these other people that are having their lives ruined. And my companion of course didn’t see it. Grabbed my arm and started demanding to know who I was yelling at, was I fucking nuts. When he grabbed me, I had a bit of a bad reaction.

I completely forgot about the eldritch abomination standing a few feet away from me. Instead I ducked my head against my chest and started crying and begging the guy not to hurt me. He dropped my arm, called me a crazy bitch, and walked off. After I pulled myself together, I realized that I was completely alone. It had disappeared, too. 

I walked the rest of the way home. No monster, no proxies. Got to my house with no problem. I just can’t figure out what the point of that was.

It's a damn good day!

AVA IS ALIVE AND I WOULD BE DANCING IF MY KNEE WASN’T STILL MESSED UP, SO I’LL SETTLLE FOR A CELEBRATORY BROWNIE OUT OF THE BATCH I BAKED THIS MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m ecstatic, it’s been hours since we found out she is ok and I still keep alternating between tears and giggles. It’s a good thing I live alone because anyone who could see me would think I had lost my mind.

So I’m debating very heavily right now how much I should be censoring this blog. I did something kind of dumb last night. And it was something that would normally only get shared with my closest girlfriends after having a drink or two for the courage to get past the embarrassment. However the dumb thing I did led to a really weird encounter with our favorite stalker. So maybe I’ll get the courage up to type it out later. And if I do Lucien I swear I will kill you if word of it ever gets to ANYONE in our family, got it?

Not much else to update.  Experiments 2 and 3 got delayed due my hysteria over Ava and (until last night) a distinct lack of faceless entity to test them on. If I get a sighting tonight, I’ll be able to try at least one of them out.

Ok I lied. I do have one thing to update. I’ve been trying to decide whether or not I should do this, but it’s been wandering through my head for a few days now and I want, no I NEED to be able to help people somehow.

I have a decent sized house. It’s not a mansion. It’s old and kind of beat up. But it’s clean. It’s comfortable. And it’s mine. And I’m making the offer to any Runners that might see this.

If you need a place to stay, get in contact with me. I can’t offer a permanent home since my house is no safer from it than anywhere else. But if you want to sleep in a bed for a few nights instead of on the streets, if you want a meal and a shower, then get in touch with me.  You can email me through the link on my profile.

I was going to make a real post, but fuck that Ava's in trouble and I may not be able to be there, but I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and do nothing. No matter what you believe in, prayer, ritual, positive fucking thinking, start sending it her way people.

I hate emotions, especially other people's

Sitting at my desk at work and all of a sudden I just started bawling my eyes out. Total overwhelming feeling of emptiness and there is something wrong. I don't know what just happened or if this marvelous little empathic kick to the teeth was even about you guys (I do have offline people I care about after all), but...

Fuck.

Please let me be wrong. Let it just be PMS. Or I'm losing my mind. Please.

Blogging on a cold night

So um wow hello new blog followers that seem to have popped up overnight. I’d say nice to meet ya, but I’m assuming that you’re either following me because A. You think I’m crazy B. You think this is a game/work of fiction or C. You’ve got the same problem with your not so friendly skinny stalker that I do.  If it’s the first two then hey you’re entitled to your own opinion, but if you make any comments here mocking me or the  other people involved with this, I’ll ban your ass in a heartbeat. If it’s the third, then I am so sorry, but just remember, you are not alone. We’re all in this together.

Gonna be a short update, nothing new to report right now, but I’m making it my goal to update at a minimum of every other day, if not every day. If more than that comes without an update and I didn’t give a warning about being gone beforehand, assume I’m either in deep shit or possibly never coming back.

 Beginning the preparations for Experiments 2 and 3. Should be able to start testing tomorrow, hoping to have some results in a few days.  Am still using the results of Experiment 1 and am continuing to be happy. At a commentator’s suggestion, I added obsidian to the mix. No noticeable difference last night, but I’ll need a few nights of using it to make an intelligent decision about it.

So in the world of blogging/vlogging for our lives: Noah of Tribe Twelve finally posted the first part of his Thanksgiving footage.  He either got teleported or moved himself while sleeping, either way it was one of those blink and he was gone moments.  It’s pretty unnerving to watch, even more so if you’ve been one of the people that has had it done to them. 

Other important news. Let’s see Tony’s alive and that’s a huge relief. That piece of garbage Redlight is trying to seduce Zeke Strahm away from the fight, with zero success.  Frap is having some issues, Sounds to me like his suppressed memories are doing their best to smash his poor skull open. Frap I see that you’re following me now, so if you’re reading this, let me know if you’re ok.

Ok guys, I’m gonna go snuggle up on my couch with some Doctor Who and hot cocoa. I’ll check in later and make sure you’re all still ok.