Remember how I said I’m taking a blogging break to pull myself back together? Well then can you imagine how pissed I must be right now to be typing out this post? But some things simply have to be said and they need to be said now, not when I’m feeling better.
Guys. Stop being dumb. No, seriously. Stop being dumb. I’m not naming any names. I’m not calling anyone in particular out. But I am seeing certain behaviors lately that make me very scared for some of you.
The proxies are not our friends. Let me repeat that. The homicidal people that work for the faceless Eldritch Abomination that is trying to drive us out of our minds and kill us painfully are NOT our friends.
Look I get it. Maurice is funny and amusing. The Messenger is trying to show us the sympathetic side of working for the Eldritch Abomination. Morningstar…actually I have no idea why most of you argue with Morningstar. But whatever the reasons, stop giving them what they want!
Do you realize what’s going to happen if you keep giving in to what Maurice and the Messenger are telling us? The stories they tell about the poor proxies that don’t have a choice about what they are trying to do to us? The more you sympathize with them, the more you pity them, the less you will be able to fight back when they inevitably come to try and kill you. And if you can’t fight back, you’re dead. It’s that simple.
I’m not saying you need to be able to kill the ones coming for you. Hell I’m the one who came up with super pepper spray because I would rather blind someone then have to use potentially lethal weapons like knives or hammers. But there’s a reason that armies are taught to dehumanize their enemies. If you sympathize with your enemy you’ll hesitate. And if you hesitate for even a second, that’s all they’ll need, Just one second where your guard is down. Yes they are still humans. They’re not animals. But guess what guys? They won’t hesitate to torture you. In ways that you don’t even want to imagine. And then if you’re lucky, at the end, they’ll kill you. If you’re not lucky, they’ll give you to their boss. I am speaking from experience here folks. Still don’t believe me? Why don’t you go ask Tony what he did to people when he was working for it?
Don’t you guys get it? They want us to hesitate. They want us dead. Someone like the Messenger is more dangerous than all the Rikas and Eulogies combined. In fact he is probably the most dangerous of the faceless bastard’s minions that are currently among the living. He’s making you feel for them. And the more you feel for them, the more you’ll hesitate.
Don’t be a murderer. Don’t just randomly kill as many proxies as you can because you can. It’s not living anymore if you forget to be a human yourself. But never forget that they are NOT our friends. Some of them can become our allies like Reach did. But never stop defending yourself because you feel bad that the other side is hurting or scared. Aren’t we hurting and scared too? They are the ones coming after us! Stop forgetting that!
We want to think that they are all like Reach. That they can be saved, brought back to the light. But we can’t try to bring them back at the cost of our own lives. Hell Maurice wished me happy birthday a few weeks ago. But just a few entries before that he was doing his best to troll me, to create doubt and discord. And because he is funny and sometimes sympathetic, you guys are listening to what he says when he condemns us for defending ourselves when attacked.
And finally there are trolls like Morningstar and the deceased Rikas. They don’t pretend to be sympathetic. They do everything possible to hurt us physically, mentally, emotionally. So why the hell are you people still arguing with them? Stop giving them what they want! They want you to get mad, yell, scream. And the more attention you give them, the happier they are. As a wise man once said, don’t feed the trolls!
None of us are soldiers. We haven’t been trained to view the people trying to maim and kill us as things instead of people nor should we. This isn’t about making them less then what they are. It’s about keeping ourselves safe. It’s hard enough to fight back and stay alive without becoming more sympathetic towards them then we already are.
ETA: I put this as a comment, but I think I need to have in a more obvious spot on this post as well.
You guys are missing the point. I never said don't talk to them. I said stop letting your guard down. Don't give them trust. Don't let them get inside your head. You want to try and save them? Rock on. Reach can't be the only one that can be saved. But try to save them at the cost of your own safety? That's dumb. And dumb gets you killed.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Hey folks. Sorry I’ve been so silent lately. I’ve been doing a lot of deep thinking about the things that I’ve done. The people I’ve hurt.
My brother is hurt. And while I’m not the person who did it, it’s still my fault. I was the one who introduced him to all this. So that’s seven people that I have either directly or indirectly harmed since all this began. Although if you think about it, the number might be even more. I killed Tom, and because of that his family who loved him suffers. My godchildren were killed and their mother is destroyed. I heard that she had to be sent to the hospital because she wasn’t eating. Who knows who else has been hurt by the things I’ve done?
And before I get scolded by my loving and worried friends, I do understand that the things I did were not done with a wicked intent. But it doesn’t make my heart feel less pained.
I believe in karma, that what we do comes back to us, even if it wasn’t ill meant at the time. It’s the butterfly effect, everything we do effects numerous other situations. I’ve made so many mistakes in the past few months.
I think I need a blogging break. If anything important happens I’ll post about it, and if anyone needs me just leave a comment or send an email. And I’ll probably still be keeping an eye on all the blogs I normally watch, commenting when and if I have something intelligent to say. I just…
I need some time off. Well the closest I can come to having time off when our favorite stalker still makes random appearances. It frightens me more to see it in the sunlight you know. There’s a quality of realism that can’t be denied in the light the way you can sometimes try to deny what you see in the dark.
But even with the ever present threat that chases us, I, no we cannot give in to despair. We have to keep going. I’m still alive. I’m still sane. Don’t give up hope no matter how hard it hurts. If you’re a runner, keep moving, if you’re a fighter, keep looking for ways to strike back. I should be dead, so many of us should be dead. And in honor of the ones that are dead, we need to keep going. I am still here and my home is still open to any of you that need it. And maybe while I take this break I'll be able to come up with something that lets me get back into the fight.
My brother is hurt. And while I’m not the person who did it, it’s still my fault. I was the one who introduced him to all this. So that’s seven people that I have either directly or indirectly harmed since all this began. Although if you think about it, the number might be even more. I killed Tom, and because of that his family who loved him suffers. My godchildren were killed and their mother is destroyed. I heard that she had to be sent to the hospital because she wasn’t eating. Who knows who else has been hurt by the things I’ve done?
And before I get scolded by my loving and worried friends, I do understand that the things I did were not done with a wicked intent. But it doesn’t make my heart feel less pained.
I believe in karma, that what we do comes back to us, even if it wasn’t ill meant at the time. It’s the butterfly effect, everything we do effects numerous other situations. I’ve made so many mistakes in the past few months.
I think I need a blogging break. If anything important happens I’ll post about it, and if anyone needs me just leave a comment or send an email. And I’ll probably still be keeping an eye on all the blogs I normally watch, commenting when and if I have something intelligent to say. I just…
I need some time off. Well the closest I can come to having time off when our favorite stalker still makes random appearances. It frightens me more to see it in the sunlight you know. There’s a quality of realism that can’t be denied in the light the way you can sometimes try to deny what you see in the dark.
But even with the ever present threat that chases us, I, no we cannot give in to despair. We have to keep going. I’m still alive. I’m still sane. Don’t give up hope no matter how hard it hurts. If you’re a runner, keep moving, if you’re a fighter, keep looking for ways to strike back. I should be dead, so many of us should be dead. And in honor of the ones that are dead, we need to keep going. I am still here and my home is still open to any of you that need it. And maybe while I take this break I'll be able to come up with something that lets me get back into the fight.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Another year
I’m thirty one today. This is rather unexpected. I really didn’t think I was going to survive this long, but here I am. For the first time I’m feeling grateful to have grown another year older.
You’ll have to pardon my silence for the past few days. While I did escape the tree alive, I didn’t escape it completely unharmed. Mentally, it's been a little rough. It's hard to stay asleep when the squirrels running across my roof make me jump awake thinking its the leeches. And not a single night has gone that I haven't dreamt of the trees eyes staring into me. Physically, things have been a little bit off.
I was a rather disturbing sight when I got home and actually saw myself in the mirror. There were trails of dried blood coming from my eyes, ears, and nose. When I washed it all off, I didn’t see any wounds, so I can only assume that I had actually bled from those areas at some point during my journey through the wanna be Silent Hill. My best guess would be that it happened when I saw the tree. That pressure that I felt building inside my head would probably explain that kind of bleeding. I didn’t really think about it once I finished cleaning myself up. I did my best to put it out of my head until I had a couple of dizzy spells. Almost falling over while trying to repaint a living room wall is not very fun. Took me forever to get the paint out of my hair and it still smells like olive oil.
So happy birthday to me, I went to the doctor this morning. So very glad that I bargained keeping my insurance as part of my severance package. She couldn’t find anything wrong with me which was quite a relief. She wants me to go get a couple of tests just to be safe, but she told me not to stress too hard about it. Actually since I couldn’t really tell her about being trapped in another world with a tree of evil covered in giant leeches, I ended up going with the explanation of well I’m out of work and I only have this many months left on my severance and I’m just not getting enough sleep. She believes that my dizziness is caused by nothing more then good old fashioned stress, which let’s face it folks, that could easily be true. Deities know that I have plenty of it in my life.
She took around half the blood out of my body today, and I’ll be going for one or two more tests during the next week, but again, she’s not worried, so I’m not going to worry either. Well I’ll try at least. I’m just getting awfully tired of tired of doctors. I’ve seen them way too much in the past few months.
And tonight I get to have a lovely distraction. Ryuu and Sage are still here, so I’m baking a cake and making my birthday dinner for the three of us. I’ve had so much company lately; I’m actually not sure how well I’m going to cope when the house is empty again.
Oh well, cross that bridge when we come to it, right? For now, I’ve been informed that “I am still young and need to have a birthday party damn it” although I’m a little confused about how it’s going to be a party with just three of us. Considering that one of the three is Amalgamation Sage however, maybe I should be more worried then confused.
You’ll have to pardon my silence for the past few days. While I did escape the tree alive, I didn’t escape it completely unharmed. Mentally, it's been a little rough. It's hard to stay asleep when the squirrels running across my roof make me jump awake thinking its the leeches. And not a single night has gone that I haven't dreamt of the trees eyes staring into me. Physically, things have been a little bit off.
I was a rather disturbing sight when I got home and actually saw myself in the mirror. There were trails of dried blood coming from my eyes, ears, and nose. When I washed it all off, I didn’t see any wounds, so I can only assume that I had actually bled from those areas at some point during my journey through the wanna be Silent Hill. My best guess would be that it happened when I saw the tree. That pressure that I felt building inside my head would probably explain that kind of bleeding. I didn’t really think about it once I finished cleaning myself up. I did my best to put it out of my head until I had a couple of dizzy spells. Almost falling over while trying to repaint a living room wall is not very fun. Took me forever to get the paint out of my hair and it still smells like olive oil.
So happy birthday to me, I went to the doctor this morning. So very glad that I bargained keeping my insurance as part of my severance package. She couldn’t find anything wrong with me which was quite a relief. She wants me to go get a couple of tests just to be safe, but she told me not to stress too hard about it. Actually since I couldn’t really tell her about being trapped in another world with a tree of evil covered in giant leeches, I ended up going with the explanation of well I’m out of work and I only have this many months left on my severance and I’m just not getting enough sleep. She believes that my dizziness is caused by nothing more then good old fashioned stress, which let’s face it folks, that could easily be true. Deities know that I have plenty of it in my life.
She took around half the blood out of my body today, and I’ll be going for one or two more tests during the next week, but again, she’s not worried, so I’m not going to worry either. Well I’ll try at least. I’m just getting awfully tired of tired of doctors. I’ve seen them way too much in the past few months.
And tonight I get to have a lovely distraction. Ryuu and Sage are still here, so I’m baking a cake and making my birthday dinner for the three of us. I’ve had so much company lately; I’m actually not sure how well I’m going to cope when the house is empty again.
Oh well, cross that bridge when we come to it, right? For now, I’ve been informed that “I am still young and need to have a birthday party damn it” although I’m a little confused about how it’s going to be a party with just three of us. Considering that one of the three is Amalgamation Sage however, maybe I should be more worried then confused.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Be it ever so humble
It’s nice having people in my house, even if it’s only going to be for another day or so. Sometimes with everything that’s happening, I forget what it’s like to just enjoy cooking a meal and watching other people enjoy it. But last night I got to make pot roast and sit in my dining room with my friends, instead of alone on the couch in the living room.
So yes I am home, I am as safe as I can get when I look out the window and see the faceless wonder staring at me, and I am nowhere near as damaged as I was the last time I disappeared. I’m still a little…I guess dazed would be a good word. I’m really not sure I understand everything that happened on Friday, but I’ll do my best to explain what I remember.
I sat in the little clearing for a few hours. Sage had said he was sending his astral form after me. I know I normally don’t believe in things like astral projection, but considering the fact that I had apparently been warped into Silent Hill, I was willing to suspend a lot of disbelief at that point. And I was expecting to see something come over to me and hopefully not be threatening.
What I was not expecting however was the slightly glowing blue woman that came floating up to me.Yup, Sage is apparently a woman when he runs around saving the world by existing in another world. He actually was not aware of this and was more then a little shocked when I mentioned it after everything was over.
So Girl!Sage guided me back to my house. Well the version of my house in this other place...you know what I don't a hundred percent understand it, so I'm just gonna stop trying to explain it. So we got back to the house. It was a mostly uneventful trip, just some of the leeches along the way. And when we got back even though it still in icky black fog land, I was just so damn grateful to see that my house was still there I could have cried. I was half convinced that it would have already been torn apart by the leeches.
Now that I was back it was time to get me out. Sage can explain what went on a little better then I can. All I know is that I had been told to focus on Ryuu with everything I had. Ok fine, visualization, I can work with that. That part was the easy part. Sage said I needed to focus my will on pulling myself towards her. It may be a few generations removed, but I've got Irish stubbornness going for me.
Everything seemed to be going fine until Girl!Sage turned to me and handed me a sword. A katana with a light blue glow to be precise. I tried to ask what the hell I was supposed to do with the damn thing but Girl!Sage had gone and disappeared!
I stood in the middle of my living room, doing my best to focus on Ryuu when the walls started crumbling around me. The fog started pouring into my house. And so did the leeches. Not in the amounts that I saw at the tree, but still enough to be a challenge. At that point I was assuming Sage had seen them coming and gave me the sword since it had better reach then the hedge clippers. Of course I had no idea how to even hold the damn thing correctly! A swordswoman I am not. I gripped it in both hands and missed almost as much as I hit the damn things, but at least the range kept them from getting close enough to bite me.
As I made my attempts at stabbing the leeches, I realized that there was a noise coming from behind me. I spun around and saw a shadow coming towards. A really large shadow. And there's no way I could ever fail to recognize that shadow. It was my favorite faceless stalker. Only it wasn’t. It was its shadow, but the shadow wasn’t connected to a body. And the shadow wasn’t a two dimensional flat thing like you normally see. It was fully three dimensional, it had substance, it had weight. And because timing is everything, as the shadow thing swooped towards me, there was an immense cracking sound and the fog around me started to fade. The darkness started to fade and I realized that Sage and Ryuu had made the ritual work and that not only was I about to be to be pulled home, but the shadow thing was about to hitch a bloody ride with me!
This is normally the point where I would begin to panic isn’t it? Well not this time. There was no way I had gotten that damn far just to let a fucking shadow take me down. So I raised the sword as the shadow charged me and screamed as I swung it as hard as I could.
I was probably more shocked than anyone else would have been when I saw that my swing had actually cut the damn thing in half. I stared at the pieces of it on the ground for a moment then lifted my head. And there were Sage and Ryuu, waiting for me. I smiled at them and walked out of one world and into the right one.
Sage asked me keep focusing for a bit longer. Apparently in order to get me out of there, he had broken open a hole in the fabric of time and space. I asked him if he was going to summon the TARDIS for me next, preferably with the Fourth or Eleventh Doctor. He started to glare at me, but then it changed to a grin
“You’re back just in time that we can watch the new episode together tomorrow. Now be quiet and focus so I can finish and we can order pizza.”
I am a little embarrassed to admit that at the mention of pizza, my stomach let out a growl so loud I didn’t even bother trying to pretend it wasn’t me. So I shut up and focused while he did…whatever it is he does. Still not quite sure on the details of that one.
I need to say, even before Maduin decided to grace us with titles, there has always been something right about the three of us together. I felt it when we first started talking together on the blogs, I felt it when we stood in my real living room together Friday night, hell I even felt it when I woke up in the hospital after the two of them saved my life. The three of us have always had the potential to be something together.And we didn't need titles for that potential to become something real.
So yes I am home, I am as safe as I can get when I look out the window and see the faceless wonder staring at me, and I am nowhere near as damaged as I was the last time I disappeared. I’m still a little…I guess dazed would be a good word. I’m really not sure I understand everything that happened on Friday, but I’ll do my best to explain what I remember.
I sat in the little clearing for a few hours. Sage had said he was sending his astral form after me. I know I normally don’t believe in things like astral projection, but considering the fact that I had apparently been warped into Silent Hill, I was willing to suspend a lot of disbelief at that point. And I was expecting to see something come over to me and hopefully not be threatening.
What I was not expecting however was the slightly glowing blue woman that came floating up to me.Yup, Sage is apparently a woman when he runs around saving the world by existing in another world. He actually was not aware of this and was more then a little shocked when I mentioned it after everything was over.
So Girl!Sage guided me back to my house. Well the version of my house in this other place...you know what I don't a hundred percent understand it, so I'm just gonna stop trying to explain it. So we got back to the house. It was a mostly uneventful trip, just some of the leeches along the way. And when we got back even though it still in icky black fog land, I was just so damn grateful to see that my house was still there I could have cried. I was half convinced that it would have already been torn apart by the leeches.
Now that I was back it was time to get me out. Sage can explain what went on a little better then I can. All I know is that I had been told to focus on Ryuu with everything I had. Ok fine, visualization, I can work with that. That part was the easy part. Sage said I needed to focus my will on pulling myself towards her. It may be a few generations removed, but I've got Irish stubbornness going for me.
Everything seemed to be going fine until Girl!Sage turned to me and handed me a sword. A katana with a light blue glow to be precise. I tried to ask what the hell I was supposed to do with the damn thing but Girl!Sage had gone and disappeared!
I stood in the middle of my living room, doing my best to focus on Ryuu when the walls started crumbling around me. The fog started pouring into my house. And so did the leeches. Not in the amounts that I saw at the tree, but still enough to be a challenge. At that point I was assuming Sage had seen them coming and gave me the sword since it had better reach then the hedge clippers. Of course I had no idea how to even hold the damn thing correctly! A swordswoman I am not. I gripped it in both hands and missed almost as much as I hit the damn things, but at least the range kept them from getting close enough to bite me.
As I made my attempts at stabbing the leeches, I realized that there was a noise coming from behind me. I spun around and saw a shadow coming towards. A really large shadow. And there's no way I could ever fail to recognize that shadow. It was my favorite faceless stalker. Only it wasn’t. It was its shadow, but the shadow wasn’t connected to a body. And the shadow wasn’t a two dimensional flat thing like you normally see. It was fully three dimensional, it had substance, it had weight. And because timing is everything, as the shadow thing swooped towards me, there was an immense cracking sound and the fog around me started to fade. The darkness started to fade and I realized that Sage and Ryuu had made the ritual work and that not only was I about to be to be pulled home, but the shadow thing was about to hitch a bloody ride with me!
This is normally the point where I would begin to panic isn’t it? Well not this time. There was no way I had gotten that damn far just to let a fucking shadow take me down. So I raised the sword as the shadow charged me and screamed as I swung it as hard as I could.
I was probably more shocked than anyone else would have been when I saw that my swing had actually cut the damn thing in half. I stared at the pieces of it on the ground for a moment then lifted my head. And there were Sage and Ryuu, waiting for me. I smiled at them and walked out of one world and into the right one.
Sage asked me keep focusing for a bit longer. Apparently in order to get me out of there, he had broken open a hole in the fabric of time and space. I asked him if he was going to summon the TARDIS for me next, preferably with the Fourth or Eleventh Doctor. He started to glare at me, but then it changed to a grin
“You’re back just in time that we can watch the new episode together tomorrow. Now be quiet and focus so I can finish and we can order pizza.”
I am a little embarrassed to admit that at the mention of pizza, my stomach let out a growl so loud I didn’t even bother trying to pretend it wasn’t me. So I shut up and focused while he did…whatever it is he does. Still not quite sure on the details of that one.
I need to say, even before Maduin decided to grace us with titles, there has always been something right about the three of us together. I felt it when we first started talking together on the blogs, I felt it when we stood in my real living room together Friday night, hell I even felt it when I woke up in the hospital after the two of them saved my life. The three of us have always had the potential to be something together.And we didn't need titles for that potential to become something real.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Zero, I said I forgive you. I meant it at the time. Now I am going to seriously need to fucking reconsider that. That thing, that tree, it…
It still hurts.
I’m alive. Obviously. After all I’m typing. Or who knows, maybe I’m dead and this is a bloody pit stop before I get spun off the wheel for my next turn. But if I am dead, I hardly find it fair that I am this damn sore.
It was real. The Bleeding Tree is real. And it is just as terrible as Zero said. Don’t worry, I’m not about to start trying to help him carve people open for their bones, but I think I have a better idea now of why he’s so desperate. And before he says a bloody word, no murder is still not the right way.
I know I’m stalling. I don’t want to think about that thing. But since I’ve been gone for…how long have I been gone for? Anyway since I’ve been gone, I want you guys to know it wasn’t on purpose or without a reason.
The fog parted in front of me and I was able to start seeing a little bit. I couldn’t actually see the ground, but whatever was under my feet, was like walking on eggshells. Crackled and smashed with every step I took.
I tried to step backwards without turning around, keeping my eyes on where the fog had parted. It felt like a solid wall. I turned to try and look at it. It still looked like just fog, but it was all rock solid. And then it started pushing me forward into the open area.
As I was pushed forward, I started stumbling and tripping over tree roots. And the noise. There was this droning noise, piercing through my ears, making a bubble of pressure form in my head. And the longer I heard the droning, the stronger the pressure grew, trapped in my ears, behind my eyes, it felt like my head was going to explode.
It appeared so suddenly. Literally in between one footstep and the next. There were bodies in the tree. So many bodies, every branch held a body, stabbed right through the stomachs and chests.
It had eyes. That fucking tree had eyes. And the eyes had blood pouring out of them. I looked into those eyes and I was lost.
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I vaguely remember my legs giving out, my knees hitting the tree roots as i stared at it blankly, completely unable to look away. My vision dimmed, everything but the tree started to fade away, to black out. Nothing else mattered, there was nothing but the tree. Its eyes were a world of color and noise, almost like the one time in high school I was talked into doing acid. I felt as if I was pulled inside of it, lights flashing past me as I traveled to the center of the universe my speed picked up, as I was hurtled further, deeper into the color, the light, and the sounds…
And my hand was burning.
I blinked and I could see again. Somehow during my own personal Disney Acid Sequence, I had fallen down to my knees and squeezed the bottle of pepper spray I was holding. Got it all over my hand. And motherfuck did it burn, but it was exactly what I needed to snap me out of that thing’s hold.
I could still hear that droning pushing me, trying to hold me, control me. It was so strong it was almost physical. I tried to get up from my knees, but instead fell down on my ass. And it was still there, trying to make me look again.
So I did what any woman about to die would do it. I spit in its eyes.
Well metaphorically speaking. What I actually did was pitch the bottle of pepper spray into the bastard’s eye socket.
I didn’t think it had any effect at first. No movement, no sounds, and I was ready to kiss my ass goodbye. But then the droning stopped. It was such a bloody relief that at first that it took me a few seconds to realize that I was not alone with my new friend.
What I hadn’t been able to see while the tree and I were playing peek a boo, was that it was covered in those monster leeches. Hundreds of them crawling on it, they were…fuck they were eating the blood that came out of it.
The ground started to shake and the trees branches swayed, waving the bodies around like they were party favors. As if they shared one brain all the leeches turned at the same moment. They stared at me. And then they swarmed at me.
Before I left the house I had grabbed an old shoulder bag of mine and filled it up with as much salt as it could hold. I had it swung across my chest and shoulder so that I would have easy access to it without having to carry a saltshaker around. I reached into the bag and started flinging handfuls of salt at those things. I grabbed Gram’s hedge clippers out of my belt and any leeches that made it past the salt I was flinging everywhere I stabbed in whatever area of their bodies happened to be closest to me.
The fog behind me was still completely solid. I wasn’t being allowed to go backwards and if I stayed where I was the leeches were eventually going to win just from sheer numbers. The tree just sat there, waiting for me to go down. I tried my best not to look at its eyes again, to keep focused on the nasties that were trying to take chunks out of my legs, but as I did my best to keep the tree from hypnotizing me again, I came to one not very happy conclusion.
I was going to have to run towards the tree.
I was starting to run low on salt and the leeches were starting to wear me down. A few of them managed to swipe their claws at my arms and it wasn’t going to be too much longer until they were in biting range. I let myself take one quick glance past the tree and turned myself in the direction I needed to go.
And I closed my eyes and ran like I haven’t run since high school gym.
I may have kept my figure pretty well since then, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am too damn old to be running like that.
Even with my eyes closed, I knew the moment that I was within touching distance of it. I could feel how the air got thicker with moisture from the blood, smell the iron. But I didn’t dare open my eyes, I just kept running. I could hear the leeches behind me, their claws skittering on the ground, the little slurping sounds they made.
I think I ran like that for about two minutes before I let myself open my eyes. The tree was gone. Some of the leeches were still following me, but only five or six, much more manageable. I stopped and dealt with them, and realized that I had arrived in some kind of a clearing.
It’s what looks like the remains of a campsite. Guess it’s safe to assume that I’m not the first person to get stuck in this place. There’s a tent and shreds of cloth. Blue jeans and what used to be a blanket. I was too tired to care. I crawled inside the tent and passed out. Just woke up a little while ago. I don’t even know how long I slept for. I’m clawed up, brain fucked, and have no idea if the tree or the leeches are still gunning for me.
But I’m alive.
It still hurts.
I’m alive. Obviously. After all I’m typing. Or who knows, maybe I’m dead and this is a bloody pit stop before I get spun off the wheel for my next turn. But if I am dead, I hardly find it fair that I am this damn sore.
It was real. The Bleeding Tree is real. And it is just as terrible as Zero said. Don’t worry, I’m not about to start trying to help him carve people open for their bones, but I think I have a better idea now of why he’s so desperate. And before he says a bloody word, no murder is still not the right way.
I know I’m stalling. I don’t want to think about that thing. But since I’ve been gone for…how long have I been gone for? Anyway since I’ve been gone, I want you guys to know it wasn’t on purpose or without a reason.
The fog parted in front of me and I was able to start seeing a little bit. I couldn’t actually see the ground, but whatever was under my feet, was like walking on eggshells. Crackled and smashed with every step I took.
I tried to step backwards without turning around, keeping my eyes on where the fog had parted. It felt like a solid wall. I turned to try and look at it. It still looked like just fog, but it was all rock solid. And then it started pushing me forward into the open area.
As I was pushed forward, I started stumbling and tripping over tree roots. And the noise. There was this droning noise, piercing through my ears, making a bubble of pressure form in my head. And the longer I heard the droning, the stronger the pressure grew, trapped in my ears, behind my eyes, it felt like my head was going to explode.
It appeared so suddenly. Literally in between one footstep and the next. There were bodies in the tree. So many bodies, every branch held a body, stabbed right through the stomachs and chests.
It had eyes. That fucking tree had eyes. And the eyes had blood pouring out of them. I looked into those eyes and I was lost.
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I vaguely remember my legs giving out, my knees hitting the tree roots as i stared at it blankly, completely unable to look away. My vision dimmed, everything but the tree started to fade away, to black out. Nothing else mattered, there was nothing but the tree. Its eyes were a world of color and noise, almost like the one time in high school I was talked into doing acid. I felt as if I was pulled inside of it, lights flashing past me as I traveled to the center of the universe my speed picked up, as I was hurtled further, deeper into the color, the light, and the sounds…
And my hand was burning.
I blinked and I could see again. Somehow during my own personal Disney Acid Sequence, I had fallen down to my knees and squeezed the bottle of pepper spray I was holding. Got it all over my hand. And motherfuck did it burn, but it was exactly what I needed to snap me out of that thing’s hold.
I could still hear that droning pushing me, trying to hold me, control me. It was so strong it was almost physical. I tried to get up from my knees, but instead fell down on my ass. And it was still there, trying to make me look again.
So I did what any woman about to die would do it. I spit in its eyes.
Well metaphorically speaking. What I actually did was pitch the bottle of pepper spray into the bastard’s eye socket.
I didn’t think it had any effect at first. No movement, no sounds, and I was ready to kiss my ass goodbye. But then the droning stopped. It was such a bloody relief that at first that it took me a few seconds to realize that I was not alone with my new friend.
What I hadn’t been able to see while the tree and I were playing peek a boo, was that it was covered in those monster leeches. Hundreds of them crawling on it, they were…fuck they were eating the blood that came out of it.
The ground started to shake and the trees branches swayed, waving the bodies around like they were party favors. As if they shared one brain all the leeches turned at the same moment. They stared at me. And then they swarmed at me.
Before I left the house I had grabbed an old shoulder bag of mine and filled it up with as much salt as it could hold. I had it swung across my chest and shoulder so that I would have easy access to it without having to carry a saltshaker around. I reached into the bag and started flinging handfuls of salt at those things. I grabbed Gram’s hedge clippers out of my belt and any leeches that made it past the salt I was flinging everywhere I stabbed in whatever area of their bodies happened to be closest to me.
The fog behind me was still completely solid. I wasn’t being allowed to go backwards and if I stayed where I was the leeches were eventually going to win just from sheer numbers. The tree just sat there, waiting for me to go down. I tried my best not to look at its eyes again, to keep focused on the nasties that were trying to take chunks out of my legs, but as I did my best to keep the tree from hypnotizing me again, I came to one not very happy conclusion.
I was going to have to run towards the tree.
I was starting to run low on salt and the leeches were starting to wear me down. A few of them managed to swipe their claws at my arms and it wasn’t going to be too much longer until they were in biting range. I let myself take one quick glance past the tree and turned myself in the direction I needed to go.
And I closed my eyes and ran like I haven’t run since high school gym.
I may have kept my figure pretty well since then, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am too damn old to be running like that.
Even with my eyes closed, I knew the moment that I was within touching distance of it. I could feel how the air got thicker with moisture from the blood, smell the iron. But I didn’t dare open my eyes, I just kept running. I could hear the leeches behind me, their claws skittering on the ground, the little slurping sounds they made.
I think I ran like that for about two minutes before I let myself open my eyes. The tree was gone. Some of the leeches were still following me, but only five or six, much more manageable. I stopped and dealt with them, and realized that I had arrived in some kind of a clearing.
It’s what looks like the remains of a campsite. Guess it’s safe to assume that I’m not the first person to get stuck in this place. There’s a tent and shreds of cloth. Blue jeans and what used to be a blanket. I was too tired to care. I crawled inside the tent and passed out. Just woke up a little while ago. I don’t even know how long I slept for. I’m clawed up, brain fucked, and have no idea if the tree or the leeches are still gunning for me.
But I’m alive.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Been walking for awhile can’t see more then two or three feet in front of me. Flashlight doesn’t make a dent in this damn fog. Got sick a couple of times from the way it feels on my skin but Ryuu was right eventually your brain just shuts down certain things for survival. The screams can get pretty bad. I’m so tempted to put on my earphones and listen to music but with my luck as soon as I did that would be when I hear something else besides the screams.
How long have I been walking? It feels like days, but it can’t be days, days wouldn’t pass without me hearing from Sage or Ryuu or Lucien. I try not to stop for too long. Just long enough to type out a sentence or two. Want to keep a record of what I see here. I can pretty it up later.
Haven’t seen any of the leeches. There were at least twenty crawling all over my house when I left, but none of them seemed to notice me. That’s fine, they may die easy, but their teeth are wicked sharp and I don’t want to end up trying to throw salt at a swarm of them.
I…fuck the fog just parted. Like fricking Moses and the Red Sea. I am not stupid I am not going that way.
What the fuck! The fog behind me it’s like a wall, its solid! I can’t go backwards I can’t go the sides. It’s pushing me. The ground it feels funny. Like eggshells. There’s some kind of a noise. A droning sou
How long have I been walking? It feels like days, but it can’t be days, days wouldn’t pass without me hearing from Sage or Ryuu or Lucien. I try not to stop for too long. Just long enough to type out a sentence or two. Want to keep a record of what I see here. I can pretty it up later.
Haven’t seen any of the leeches. There were at least twenty crawling all over my house when I left, but none of them seemed to notice me. That’s fine, they may die easy, but their teeth are wicked sharp and I don’t want to end up trying to throw salt at a swarm of them.
I…fuck the fog just parted. Like fricking Moses and the Red Sea. I am not stupid I am not going that way.
What the fuck! The fog behind me it’s like a wall, its solid! I can’t go backwards I can’t go the sides. It’s pushing me. The ground it feels funny. Like eggshells. There’s some kind of a noise. A droning sou
Ready to Roll
Ok folks. Your favorite friendly neighborhood witch is ready to go. I’ve got my backpack full of survival stuff. Food, water, candles, crystals, and salt. Lots and lots of salt.
Things are starting to get bad in here. The walls look like they're starting to peel away and I keep hearing whispers. The power died a few hours ago and I don't think its safe to stay here anymore.
I made a small test run earlier. Went out in the fog to see if it would hurt me. It doesn’t hurt. It feel fucking disgusting, like a tongue that was licking me, tasting my skin. And the smell is even worse when you’re out in it, but at least I know I can move through it. The screams don’t seem to get any louder so that’s a small blessing.
One of the leeches came at me. Deities that thing was even uglier up close. I was surprised at how fast it moved. It was almost on me before I had a chance to react, but I was smart enough to go outside with my weapon of choice and a backup. I decided to try and treat it like it really was a leech and I was right to do so. The salt worked even better than I could have hoped. A small handful thrown in its face and it just melted into a puddle of water. And if that hadn’t worked I had one of my bottles of pepper spray ready to go.
I’m currently feeling pretty confident about dealing with them. I’ve got tons of salt, I’ve got four bottles of pepper spray, and for anything else, I found my grandmother’s hedge clippers that were down in the basement.
I know that I might not be making anymore posts after this one. So while this isn’t a good bye post, I still want to say a few things.
Thank you. Some of you have been with me from the start of this blog, some of you are newer. But no matter how long you’ve been with me, I am eternally grateful for all the love and support I get.
Sage, Ryuu I’ve got my Blackberry, and it’s got a full battery. Comment at me if you come up with anything and I’ll do the same if I find anything that I think you guys should know. I love you two.
Cathy, you are the best friend I could have asked for these past few months. I know you’ll get your baby back. You’re too strong not too. I know you need to look for Tony, but please don't get hurt. I love you so much.
Lucien for the love of everything will you stop trusting that damn Count? Listening to a proxy is NOT smart!!! If you get yourself killed I will find a way to resurrect you just so I can kick your ass. Love you baby brother.
Zero. I forgive you.
I’m off folks. Wish me luck.
Things are starting to get bad in here. The walls look like they're starting to peel away and I keep hearing whispers. The power died a few hours ago and I don't think its safe to stay here anymore.
I made a small test run earlier. Went out in the fog to see if it would hurt me. It doesn’t hurt. It feel fucking disgusting, like a tongue that was licking me, tasting my skin. And the smell is even worse when you’re out in it, but at least I know I can move through it. The screams don’t seem to get any louder so that’s a small blessing.
One of the leeches came at me. Deities that thing was even uglier up close. I was surprised at how fast it moved. It was almost on me before I had a chance to react, but I was smart enough to go outside with my weapon of choice and a backup. I decided to try and treat it like it really was a leech and I was right to do so. The salt worked even better than I could have hoped. A small handful thrown in its face and it just melted into a puddle of water. And if that hadn’t worked I had one of my bottles of pepper spray ready to go.
I’m currently feeling pretty confident about dealing with them. I’ve got tons of salt, I’ve got four bottles of pepper spray, and for anything else, I found my grandmother’s hedge clippers that were down in the basement.
I know that I might not be making anymore posts after this one. So while this isn’t a good bye post, I still want to say a few things.
Thank you. Some of you have been with me from the start of this blog, some of you are newer. But no matter how long you’ve been with me, I am eternally grateful for all the love and support I get.
Sage, Ryuu I’ve got my Blackberry, and it’s got a full battery. Comment at me if you come up with anything and I’ll do the same if I find anything that I think you guys should know. I love you two.
Cathy, you are the best friend I could have asked for these past few months. I know you’ll get your baby back. You’re too strong not too. I know you need to look for Tony, but please don't get hurt. I love you so much.
Lucien for the love of everything will you stop trusting that damn Count? Listening to a proxy is NOT smart!!! If you get yourself killed I will find a way to resurrect you just so I can kick your ass. Love you baby brother.
Zero. I forgive you.
I’m off folks. Wish me luck.
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