Well I'm here. I'm sober. Been sober for a few days actually, but just haven't wanted to even look at a computer. Being drunk was easier. If you really want to know about what your favorite witch was doing while attempting to drink herself into a coma, go read Ryuu's post.
I’m not going to take back anything I said while I was drunk either. A child murdering piece of trash like Mitch gets to live. A mass murdering psychopath like Morningstar gets to keep tearing across the continent. My brother’s evil cunt ex-girlfriend killed his unborn baby and she’s still running around. And all of them get to live another day to hurt someone else.
The monsters live and Cathy is gone. And that’s just the way of it, I shouldn’t be surprised anymore. But oh deities it hurts so badly. Somehow I always thought it would be me first. No I didn’t think. I knew it was going to be me first because she had to have her happy ending. She had to get her daughter back and she was going to inherit my house and live happily ever after with her daughter finally safe.
Being wrong has never been so painful in my life. It should have been me, not her. They should be able to have each other. No child should have to lose her mother.
And then I come back online and I see that Nick's gone, kidnapped by some bitch at the demand of his "friend" the Time Lord. And just to top everything off, I got a phone call from the police this morning. Maggie and Jake's mom has gone missing. She snapped really badly after they were killed. They had her in an institution for a while and they let her out under the care of her mother. Apparently she stopped taking her meds and started screaming all the time about haring the kid's voices. When her mother tried to call 911 to have her put away again, Melly picked up a chair and beat her own mother unconscious with it. She's been missing for weeks now, but the police just got the bright idea recently to find out if i had heard from her. It was nice being able to tell the police the truth for once. Why would she come to me? It's my fault her kids are dead. We both know although she only thinks she knows why.
Sometimes I think I deserve everything that has happened to me. Bad things happen to everyone I love. And I'm still here.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
This is Ryan. I know that most of you have no reason to want to hear from me at all, but Kay isn't doing very good right. She started drinking a few hours ago and hasn't stopped since. If any of you actually know her offline, maybe you should call her or something? Right now she's sitting in the backyard screaming and daring the Slender Man to come and get her. And she may be tiny, but when I tried to pull her inside I got to find out how good her left hook is.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Ryan's Story
It’s been a mostly quiet week. No more attacks from proxies, but the faceless bastard has been doing double time staring contests outside my house. I guess because there’s two of us staying here now, it must be some kind of a treat for it.
Yes I said two of us. Ryan is currently taking up residence in my guest bedroom. Which is not fun to say the least. He tries very hard to be kind and I do my best to remember that he is in even worse of a situation then I am, but I just can’t be the kind and compassionate woman that the whole world expects me to be 100% of the time. Sometimes the bitch needs to come out.
I’m getting ahead of myself again. You guys are probably wondering what kind of insanity I have picked up to be letting this guy stay at my place. Allow me to fill in the blanks.
After he made his little announcement about using me to track down the monster, he proceeded to have a nice little bout of hysterics in my passenger seat while I stared at him like an idiot. My brain did not want to process what he had just said. Someone who actually wanted to see it? What the bloody hell was wrong with him?
I had every intention of kicking him out of my car and doing my best to forget about his existence, but it appeared again. Standing in front of my house watching us. He may have been an ass, but I couldn’t throw him out when we were sitting in my driveway only a few steps from my back door. So I grabbed him and dragged him inside. I thought that when it did it’s teleportation to wherever it goes next I would throw him out then.
So I brought him inside and he had finally managed to calm down. He asked if I would let him explain himself. I didn’t want to at first. I called him some rather unpleasant names and threatened to send him out to it after all. But he kept begging and finally I gave in.
His story broke my heart. Ryan is the father of a six year old girl named Olivia. His ex-wife had primary custody but he got to have her with him for most weekends and one or two nights a week. He didn’t date but that was ok by him. He had a very good job that let him give his daughter everything she wanted and she was his whole world.
I think you guys are smart enough that you can tell where this is going to end up. About ten months ago, Olivia started having nightmares, screaming in the middle of the night about the man with no face coming to hurt her. She drew hundreds of pictures of the faceless man in the business suit. Her parents were afraid she was somehow being abused, but nothing came out with the therapist they brought her too. Two months later her mother took her to the park and she disappeared.
The police worked hard at first to try and find her, but Ryan didn’t think they were trying hard enough. He started his own investigation, hired private detectives. While doing some research into Olivia’s bad dreams, he accidentally came across our mutual stalker. He shrugged it off at first, but as more and more time went by and the police’s trail grew colder, he became convinced that his daughter had been the victim of the monster.
Slowly, but surely, he lost everything while trying to find his daughter. He left his job because he needed more time to research and try to track it down. He bought cameras of all types and quality and broke his lease so he could travel around the state trying to find it. By the time he was telling me his story, he was down to less than $500 from what had once been a very prosperous bank account. But no matter what he did, it never showed itself to him.
As to how I got involved, he discovered my blog and recognized part of my story. When the kids were killed and I was kidnapped, it made headlines around here. And when I killed Tom it made headlines again. Ryan lives in the same state as me. He thought that it was perfect, having someone that had survived it for months now that close to him. He became convinced that if he found me I would be able to lead him to it and in turn find his daughter. He went and reread the articles, found out what town I lived in and started haunting local areas like the grocery store and parks, hoping he would run into someone that matched the little bit of description on my blog. To quote him, “I introduced myself to four different women before I finally met you.”
I can’t hate him. I’m still angry and hurt, but I can’t hate him. All he wants is his daughter back. I’m letting him stay here because he has no money to keep staying at hotels and I couldn’t throw him into the street after he showed me Olivia’s pictures. I don’t approve of what he did to me, but I can’t judge him for it either. Who can say one of us wouldn’t have made the same decision if thrust into those circumstances?
Yes I said two of us. Ryan is currently taking up residence in my guest bedroom. Which is not fun to say the least. He tries very hard to be kind and I do my best to remember that he is in even worse of a situation then I am, but I just can’t be the kind and compassionate woman that the whole world expects me to be 100% of the time. Sometimes the bitch needs to come out.
I’m getting ahead of myself again. You guys are probably wondering what kind of insanity I have picked up to be letting this guy stay at my place. Allow me to fill in the blanks.
After he made his little announcement about using me to track down the monster, he proceeded to have a nice little bout of hysterics in my passenger seat while I stared at him like an idiot. My brain did not want to process what he had just said. Someone who actually wanted to see it? What the bloody hell was wrong with him?
I had every intention of kicking him out of my car and doing my best to forget about his existence, but it appeared again. Standing in front of my house watching us. He may have been an ass, but I couldn’t throw him out when we were sitting in my driveway only a few steps from my back door. So I grabbed him and dragged him inside. I thought that when it did it’s teleportation to wherever it goes next I would throw him out then.
So I brought him inside and he had finally managed to calm down. He asked if I would let him explain himself. I didn’t want to at first. I called him some rather unpleasant names and threatened to send him out to it after all. But he kept begging and finally I gave in.
His story broke my heart. Ryan is the father of a six year old girl named Olivia. His ex-wife had primary custody but he got to have her with him for most weekends and one or two nights a week. He didn’t date but that was ok by him. He had a very good job that let him give his daughter everything she wanted and she was his whole world.
I think you guys are smart enough that you can tell where this is going to end up. About ten months ago, Olivia started having nightmares, screaming in the middle of the night about the man with no face coming to hurt her. She drew hundreds of pictures of the faceless man in the business suit. Her parents were afraid she was somehow being abused, but nothing came out with the therapist they brought her too. Two months later her mother took her to the park and she disappeared.
The police worked hard at first to try and find her, but Ryan didn’t think they were trying hard enough. He started his own investigation, hired private detectives. While doing some research into Olivia’s bad dreams, he accidentally came across our mutual stalker. He shrugged it off at first, but as more and more time went by and the police’s trail grew colder, he became convinced that his daughter had been the victim of the monster.
Slowly, but surely, he lost everything while trying to find his daughter. He left his job because he needed more time to research and try to track it down. He bought cameras of all types and quality and broke his lease so he could travel around the state trying to find it. By the time he was telling me his story, he was down to less than $500 from what had once been a very prosperous bank account. But no matter what he did, it never showed itself to him.
As to how I got involved, he discovered my blog and recognized part of my story. When the kids were killed and I was kidnapped, it made headlines around here. And when I killed Tom it made headlines again. Ryan lives in the same state as me. He thought that it was perfect, having someone that had survived it for months now that close to him. He became convinced that if he found me I would be able to lead him to it and in turn find his daughter. He went and reread the articles, found out what town I lived in and started haunting local areas like the grocery store and parks, hoping he would run into someone that matched the little bit of description on my blog. To quote him, “I introduced myself to four different women before I finally met you.”
I can’t hate him. I’m still angry and hurt, but I can’t hate him. All he wants is his daughter back. I’m letting him stay here because he has no money to keep staying at hotels and I couldn’t throw him into the street after he showed me Olivia’s pictures. I don’t approve of what he did to me, but I can’t judge him for it either. Who can say one of us wouldn’t have made the same decision if thrust into those circumstances?
Saturday, July 30, 2011
How many times can a person be kicked in the teeth before they simply give up? So many of you out there are either Stepford Smiling or just have some kind of a mental block that keeps our existence from getting to you. Sometimes I wonder how many of you are even real. Because there is no reason you should be laughing and smiling. There is nothing left in our lives except for it and its minions and the games that they play with us.
I suppose I should actually explain my current state of bitterness, shouldn’t I? I took Ryuu and Nick’s advice. I went out on a date with Ryan. The plan was simple. Go out, try to have some fun, and then let him down politely. Simple right?
Only not a single thing went the way it was supposed to. I couldn’t relax at all during dinner. The only thing that made me feel even slightly comfortable was being able to reach into my purse and touch the bottle of pepper spray I had in there, or to put my hand under the table and feel the knife I had strapped to my leg under my skirt. I had nothing to talk about. He asked about books and I don’t read books anymore only blogs. He asked about movies and tv shows and all I watch are the vlogs of our fellow stalked. He asked about family and what was I supposed to tell him? A brother on the run from a Cosmic Horror and two dead godchildren?
The whole dinner was awkward and miserable for me. He would ask questions, I would mutter some half assed response, and then go silent until he asked another question. I was so miserable that I couldn’t even enjoy the food and it was a pretty good restaurant, one I used to enjoy before…well before everything. It was a huge relief when the check came. I assumed that I wouldn’t even need to let him down, that I had been such a horrible date he would be dying to get away from me.
Instead he asked me if I wanted to take a walk down the strip. I was surprised to say the least. Maybe I hadn’t wrecked it. Maybe I was still capable of being a worthwhile human being after all, instead of just a paranoid wreck of a woman. It’s not so much that I wanted to be a great date for Ryan. Logically I knew that if I was bad date it would be simpler to get him to stay away from me, from the nightmare that is my life. But well…I do have some pride. What woman wants to be remembered as the worst date ever?
We walked down the main strip. It was a humid night, but not as hot as it’s been. I started talking a bit, and before I knew it I was actually having a real conversation. I told him that I was between jobs at the moment and debating trying my hand as writer. It was about as close as I could come to the truth without getting into far too many details that would be detrimental to him and well, let’s face it, the details of what Tom did to me still fill me with shame. I don’t know if that is something that will ever change.
I was handling things pretty well until we got near the park. I saw the trees and froze with my paranoia back in full force. Did he bring me to the park on purpose? Was he the half assed proxy that has lately taken to making my life annoying? I tried to pull away from Ryan, who was not looking confused. Instead, he looked eager.
I turned and bolted, running as fast as I could. Smart me, I wore a pair of sensible shoes instead of heels. And as always seems to happen in these adrenaline fueled situations, the little details were so clear. The rasp of my breath as I started to breathe heavier, my hair rising off of my shoulders and back by the momentum, and the sound of two pairs of feet slapping against the sidewalk. He was chasing me, I was so stupid, my instincts said don’t do it but I listened to Ryuu instead and now I was going to pay for not trusting myself.
I turned a corner and there was the creature. I barely managed to stop myself from running right into it. I could hear Ryan coming up behind me, I was sandwiched in between the two of them. No matter which one grabbed me first, I was about to pay for my idiocy of actually thinking I could give myself a life.
Ryan rounded the corner and I held my breath waiting for the inevitable. To be attacked or for Ryan to start babbling crazy proxy talk. Because that’s the last thing we all want to hear before we die right? About how their Father or Master or whichever name is the flavor of their crazy will be served and sacrificed to.
But I was wrong. Ryan didn’t start babbling. Instead he started screaming. You know the one. That scream that we all let out the first time we saw it whether out loud or in our heads. The one that begs for it to go away and tries to deny what you are actually seeing. Terror and insanity and denial and pain all mixed into one primal scream of anguish.
It looked at us for a moment before swinging one of its tentacles at Ryan, a forward strike that would have gone straight through his face while he stood there screaming. I ran forward and tackled him as hard as I could. He hit the ground and I heard a dull thud as his head smacked the sidewalk. I pushed myself to my knees and made yet another mistake. I looked up at it.
And again it felt like an eternity that we looked at each other. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. I am just so tired. I want to give up. I want to rest. I want to walk into its embrace and just let it end me. But Ryan was on the ground next to me whimpering. There’s always something holding me back from peace. Lucien, Ryuu, Nick, Cathy. Always someone preventing me from finally being out of this.
Anyway, Ryan was whimpering and it turned its attention away from me and looked at him instead. I grabbed his arm and dragged him to his feet, screaming at him to run. We ran, me dragging him along until I reached my car. I shoved him into my passenger seat, got into my side and drove off.
When I pulled over I had no idea what I was going to tell him. Apologize? Try to explain what it was? As it turned out I didn’t have to say anything. Ryan sat in the seat next to me and started laughing, high and hysterical.
“I knew it!” he said. “I knew that you were the right one! I knew that if I found you I would find the Slender Man!”
He was never actually interested in any kind of a date. I was a means to an end, in this case finding and seeing the monster.
I can’t do this right now. I’ll finish the story later.
I suppose I should actually explain my current state of bitterness, shouldn’t I? I took Ryuu and Nick’s advice. I went out on a date with Ryan. The plan was simple. Go out, try to have some fun, and then let him down politely. Simple right?
Only not a single thing went the way it was supposed to. I couldn’t relax at all during dinner. The only thing that made me feel even slightly comfortable was being able to reach into my purse and touch the bottle of pepper spray I had in there, or to put my hand under the table and feel the knife I had strapped to my leg under my skirt. I had nothing to talk about. He asked about books and I don’t read books anymore only blogs. He asked about movies and tv shows and all I watch are the vlogs of our fellow stalked. He asked about family and what was I supposed to tell him? A brother on the run from a Cosmic Horror and two dead godchildren?
The whole dinner was awkward and miserable for me. He would ask questions, I would mutter some half assed response, and then go silent until he asked another question. I was so miserable that I couldn’t even enjoy the food and it was a pretty good restaurant, one I used to enjoy before…well before everything. It was a huge relief when the check came. I assumed that I wouldn’t even need to let him down, that I had been such a horrible date he would be dying to get away from me.
Instead he asked me if I wanted to take a walk down the strip. I was surprised to say the least. Maybe I hadn’t wrecked it. Maybe I was still capable of being a worthwhile human being after all, instead of just a paranoid wreck of a woman. It’s not so much that I wanted to be a great date for Ryan. Logically I knew that if I was bad date it would be simpler to get him to stay away from me, from the nightmare that is my life. But well…I do have some pride. What woman wants to be remembered as the worst date ever?
We walked down the main strip. It was a humid night, but not as hot as it’s been. I started talking a bit, and before I knew it I was actually having a real conversation. I told him that I was between jobs at the moment and debating trying my hand as writer. It was about as close as I could come to the truth without getting into far too many details that would be detrimental to him and well, let’s face it, the details of what Tom did to me still fill me with shame. I don’t know if that is something that will ever change.
I was handling things pretty well until we got near the park. I saw the trees and froze with my paranoia back in full force. Did he bring me to the park on purpose? Was he the half assed proxy that has lately taken to making my life annoying? I tried to pull away from Ryan, who was not looking confused. Instead, he looked eager.
I turned and bolted, running as fast as I could. Smart me, I wore a pair of sensible shoes instead of heels. And as always seems to happen in these adrenaline fueled situations, the little details were so clear. The rasp of my breath as I started to breathe heavier, my hair rising off of my shoulders and back by the momentum, and the sound of two pairs of feet slapping against the sidewalk. He was chasing me, I was so stupid, my instincts said don’t do it but I listened to Ryuu instead and now I was going to pay for not trusting myself.
I turned a corner and there was the creature. I barely managed to stop myself from running right into it. I could hear Ryan coming up behind me, I was sandwiched in between the two of them. No matter which one grabbed me first, I was about to pay for my idiocy of actually thinking I could give myself a life.
Ryan rounded the corner and I held my breath waiting for the inevitable. To be attacked or for Ryan to start babbling crazy proxy talk. Because that’s the last thing we all want to hear before we die right? About how their Father or Master or whichever name is the flavor of their crazy will be served and sacrificed to.
But I was wrong. Ryan didn’t start babbling. Instead he started screaming. You know the one. That scream that we all let out the first time we saw it whether out loud or in our heads. The one that begs for it to go away and tries to deny what you are actually seeing. Terror and insanity and denial and pain all mixed into one primal scream of anguish.
It looked at us for a moment before swinging one of its tentacles at Ryan, a forward strike that would have gone straight through his face while he stood there screaming. I ran forward and tackled him as hard as I could. He hit the ground and I heard a dull thud as his head smacked the sidewalk. I pushed myself to my knees and made yet another mistake. I looked up at it.
And again it felt like an eternity that we looked at each other. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. I am just so tired. I want to give up. I want to rest. I want to walk into its embrace and just let it end me. But Ryan was on the ground next to me whimpering. There’s always something holding me back from peace. Lucien, Ryuu, Nick, Cathy. Always someone preventing me from finally being out of this.
Anyway, Ryan was whimpering and it turned its attention away from me and looked at him instead. I grabbed his arm and dragged him to his feet, screaming at him to run. We ran, me dragging him along until I reached my car. I shoved him into my passenger seat, got into my side and drove off.
When I pulled over I had no idea what I was going to tell him. Apologize? Try to explain what it was? As it turned out I didn’t have to say anything. Ryan sat in the seat next to me and started laughing, high and hysterical.
“I knew it!” he said. “I knew that you were the right one! I knew that if I found you I would find the Slender Man!”
He was never actually interested in any kind of a date. I was a means to an end, in this case finding and seeing the monster.
I can’t do this right now. I’ll finish the story later.
Friday, July 29, 2011
It gets harder and harder to think of myself as being a part of other people. Every time I see it, every day I live like this just makes me feel more and more outside of everything, even the other bloggers. So I have to admit, I was hopeful about going out. That maybe for a little bit I could just feel something again, be a person, not a concept, not an abstract idea on a blog. That maybe Ryuu and Nick were right about still being able to be happy, to have a life that is real.
I was so fucking stupid. And I don't even know why I keep going anymore.
I can't talk about this right now.
I was so fucking stupid. And I don't even know why I keep going anymore.
I can't talk about this right now.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Someone tried to set my house on fire last night. They threw a gods damn Molotov cocktail at my window. I didn’t even know people actually make Molotov cocktails! I thought they were a gods damned movie cliché!
I got lucky. The bottle actually bounced off my window and landed in my lilac bush. Said bush is now a pile of char, but my neighbor saw it burning and called the fire department.
The fire department came and the police weren’t far behind them. After they put out my bush and found the remnants of the glass bottle, they did a sweep of the area and discovered a second one. Under my car. They think that it was supposed to set my car on fire but that for some reason the wick didn’t catch. The police think that I’m being targeted because of what happened with Tom. They’re probably right, but what are they gonna do? They might be able to catch this proxy, but what about the next one? And the next one? And what happens when the faceless one himself shows up?
My current assumption is that whichever proxy called me the other night decided to step up their efforts. But hey if all proxies were as ineffective as this one, we’d all be a hell of a lot safer, right? I mean what have they managed to do? One mildly disturbing phone call and two homemade grenades, one that barely did any damage and the other that did none at all. Let’s all hope that the downgrade in quality is not just a fluke.
I got lucky. The bottle actually bounced off my window and landed in my lilac bush. Said bush is now a pile of char, but my neighbor saw it burning and called the fire department.
The fire department came and the police weren’t far behind them. After they put out my bush and found the remnants of the glass bottle, they did a sweep of the area and discovered a second one. Under my car. They think that it was supposed to set my car on fire but that for some reason the wick didn’t catch. The police think that I’m being targeted because of what happened with Tom. They’re probably right, but what are they gonna do? They might be able to catch this proxy, but what about the next one? And the next one? And what happens when the faceless one himself shows up?
My current assumption is that whichever proxy called me the other night decided to step up their efforts. But hey if all proxies were as ineffective as this one, we’d all be a hell of a lot safer, right? I mean what have they managed to do? One mildly disturbing phone call and two homemade grenades, one that barely did any damage and the other that did none at all. Let’s all hope that the downgrade in quality is not just a fluke.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)