Sunday, May 29, 2011

Be it ever so humble

 It’s nice having people in my house, even if it’s only going to be for another day or so. Sometimes with everything that’s happening, I forget what it’s like to just enjoy cooking a meal and watching other people enjoy it. But last night I got to make pot roast and sit in my dining room with my friends, instead of alone on the couch in the living room.

So yes I am home, I am as safe as I can get when I look out the window and see the faceless wonder staring at me, and I am nowhere near as damaged as I was the last time I disappeared. I’m still a little…I guess dazed would be a good word. I’m really not sure I understand everything that happened on Friday, but I’ll do my best to explain what I remember.

I sat in the little clearing for a few hours. Sage had said he was sending his astral form after me. I know I normally don’t believe in things like astral projection, but considering the fact that I had apparently been warped into Silent Hill, I was willing to suspend a lot of disbelief at that point. And I was expecting to see something come over to me and hopefully not be threatening.

What I was not expecting however was the slightly glowing blue woman that came floating up to me.Yup, Sage is apparently a woman when he runs around saving the world by existing in another world. He actually was not aware of this and was more then a little shocked when I mentioned it after everything was over.

So Girl!Sage guided me back to my house. Well the version of my house in this other know what I don't a hundred percent understand it, so I'm just gonna stop trying to explain it. So we got back to the house. It was a mostly uneventful trip, just some of the leeches along the way. And when we got back even though it still in icky black fog land, I was just so damn grateful to see that my house was still there I could have cried. I was half convinced that it would have already been torn apart by the leeches.

Now that I was back it was time to get me out. Sage can explain what went on a little better then I can. All I know is that I had been told to focus on Ryuu with everything I had. Ok fine, visualization, I can work with that. That part was the easy part. Sage said I needed to focus my will on pulling myself towards her. It may be a few generations removed, but I've got Irish stubbornness going for me.

Everything seemed to be going fine until Girl!Sage turned to me and handed me a sword. A katana with a light blue glow to be precise. I tried to ask what the hell I was supposed to do with the damn thing but Girl!Sage had gone and disappeared!

I stood in the middle of my living room, doing my best to focus on Ryuu when the walls started crumbling around me. The fog started pouring into my house. And so did the leeches. Not in the amounts that I saw at the tree, but still enough to be a challenge. At that point I was assuming Sage had seen them coming and gave me the sword since it had better reach then the hedge clippers. Of course I had no idea how to even hold the damn thing correctly! A swordswoman I am not. I gripped it in both hands and missed almost as much as I hit the damn things, but at least the range kept them from getting close enough to bite me.

As I made my attempts at stabbing the leeches, I realized that there was a noise coming from behind me. I spun around and saw a shadow coming towards. A really large shadow. And there's no way I could ever fail to recognize that shadow. It was my favorite faceless stalker. Only it wasn’t. It was its shadow, but the shadow wasn’t connected to a body. And the shadow wasn’t a two dimensional flat thing like you normally see. It was fully three dimensional, it had substance, it had weight. And because timing is everything, as the shadow thing swooped towards me, there was an immense cracking sound and the fog around me started to fade. The darkness started to fade and I realized that Sage and Ryuu had made the ritual work and that not only was I about to be to be pulled home, but the shadow thing was about to hitch a bloody ride with me!

This is normally the point where I would begin to panic isn’t it? Well not this time. There was no way I had gotten that damn far just to let a fucking shadow take me down. So I raised the sword as the shadow charged me and screamed as I swung it as hard as I could.

I was probably more shocked than anyone else would have been when I saw that my swing had actually cut the damn thing in half. I stared at the pieces of it on the ground for a moment then lifted my head. And there were Sage and Ryuu, waiting for me. I smiled at them and walked out of one world and into the right one.

Sage asked me keep focusing for a bit longer. Apparently in order to get me out of there, he had broken open a hole in the fabric of time and space. I asked him if he was going to summon the TARDIS for me next, preferably with the Fourth or Eleventh Doctor. He started to glare at me, but then it changed to a grin

“You’re back just in time that we can watch the new episode together tomorrow. Now be quiet and focus so I can finish and we can order pizza.”

I am a little embarrassed to admit that at the mention of pizza, my stomach let out a growl so loud I didn’t even bother trying to pretend it wasn’t me. So I shut up and focused while he did…whatever it is he does. Still not quite sure on the details of that one.

I need to say, even before Maduin decided to grace us with titles, there has always been something right about the three of us together. I felt it when we first started talking together on the blogs, I felt it when we stood in my real living room together Friday night, hell I even felt it when I woke up in the hospital after the two of them saved my life. The three of us have always had the potential to be something together.And we didn't need titles for that potential to become something real.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Zero, I said I forgive you. I meant it at the time. Now I am going to seriously need to fucking reconsider that. That thing, that tree, it…

It still hurts.

I’m alive. Obviously. After all I’m typing. Or who knows, maybe I’m dead and this is a bloody pit stop before I get spun off the wheel for my next turn. But if I am dead, I hardly find it fair that I am this damn sore.

It was real. The Bleeding Tree is real. And it is just as terrible as Zero said. Don’t worry, I’m not about to start trying to help him carve people open for their bones, but I think I have a better idea now of why he’s so desperate. And before he says a bloody word, no murder is still not the right way.

I know I’m stalling. I don’t want to think about that thing. But since I’ve been gone for…how long have I been gone for? Anyway since I’ve been gone, I want you guys to know it wasn’t on purpose or without a reason.

The fog parted in front of me and I was able to start seeing a little bit. I couldn’t actually see the ground, but whatever was under my feet, was like walking on eggshells. Crackled and smashed with every step I took.

I tried to step backwards without turning around, keeping my eyes on where the fog had parted. It felt like a solid wall. I turned to try and look at it. It still looked like just fog, but it was all rock solid. And then it started pushing me forward into the open area.

As I was pushed forward, I started stumbling and tripping over tree roots. And the noise. There was this droning noise, piercing through my ears, making a bubble of pressure form in my head. And the longer I heard the droning, the stronger the pressure grew, trapped in my ears, behind my eyes, it felt like my head was going to explode.

It appeared so suddenly. Literally in between one footstep and the next. There were bodies in the tree. So many bodies, every branch held a body, stabbed right through the stomachs and chests.

It had eyes. That fucking tree had eyes. And the eyes had blood pouring out of them. I looked into those eyes and I was lost.

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I vaguely remember my legs giving out, my knees hitting the tree roots as i stared at it blankly, completely unable to look away. My vision dimmed, everything but the tree started to fade away, to black out. Nothing else mattered, there was nothing but the tree. Its eyes were a world of color and noise, almost like the one time in high school I was talked into doing acid. I felt as if I was pulled inside of it, lights flashing past me as I traveled to the center of the universe my speed picked up, as I was hurtled further, deeper into the color, the light, and the sounds…

And my hand was burning.

I blinked and I could see again. Somehow during my own personal Disney Acid Sequence, I had fallen down to my knees and squeezed the bottle of pepper spray I was holding. Got it all over my hand. And motherfuck did it burn, but it was exactly what I needed to snap me out of that thing’s hold.

I could still hear that droning pushing me, trying to hold me, control me. It was so strong it was almost physical. I tried to get up from my knees, but instead fell down on my ass. And it was still there, trying to make me look again.

So I did what any woman about to die would do it. I spit in its eyes.

Well metaphorically speaking. What I actually did was pitch the bottle of pepper spray into the bastard’s eye socket.

I didn’t think it had any effect at first. No movement, no sounds, and I was ready to kiss my ass goodbye. But then the droning stopped. It was such a bloody relief that at first that it took me a few seconds to realize that I was not alone with my new friend.

What I hadn’t been able to see while the tree and I were playing peek a boo, was that it was covered in those monster leeches. Hundreds of them crawling on it, they were…fuck they were eating the blood that came out of it.

The ground started to shake and the trees branches swayed, waving the bodies around like they were party favors. As if they shared one brain all the leeches turned at the same moment. They stared at me. And then they swarmed at me.

Before I left the house I had grabbed an old shoulder bag of mine and filled it up with as much salt as it could hold. I had it swung across my chest and shoulder so that I would have easy access to it without having to carry a saltshaker around. I reached into the bag and started flinging handfuls of salt at those things. I grabbed Gram’s hedge clippers out of my belt and any leeches that made it past the salt I was flinging everywhere I stabbed in whatever area of their bodies happened to be closest to me.

The fog behind me was still completely solid. I wasn’t being allowed to go backwards and if I stayed where I was the leeches were eventually going to win just from sheer numbers. The tree just sat there, waiting for me to go down. I tried my best not to look at its eyes again, to keep focused on the nasties that were trying to take chunks out of my legs, but as I did my best to keep the tree from hypnotizing me again, I came to one not very happy conclusion.

I was going to have to run towards the tree.

I was starting to run low on salt and the leeches were starting to wear me down. A few of them managed to swipe their claws at my arms and it wasn’t going to be too much longer until they were in biting range. I let myself take one quick glance past the tree and turned myself in the direction I needed to go.

And I closed my eyes and ran like I haven’t run since high school gym.

I may have kept my figure pretty well since then, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am too damn old to be running like that.

Even with my eyes closed, I knew the moment that I was within touching distance of it. I could feel how the air got thicker with moisture from the blood, smell the iron. But I didn’t dare open my eyes, I just kept running. I could hear the leeches behind me, their claws skittering on the ground, the little slurping sounds they made.

I think I ran like that for about two minutes before I let myself open my eyes. The tree was gone. Some of the leeches were still following me, but only five or six, much more manageable. I stopped and dealt with them, and realized that I had arrived in some kind of a clearing.

It’s what looks like the remains of a campsite. Guess it’s safe to assume that I’m not the first person to get stuck in this place. There’s a tent and shreds of cloth. Blue jeans and what used to be a blanket. I was too tired to care. I crawled inside the tent and passed out. Just woke up a little while ago. I don’t even know how long I slept for. I’m clawed up, brain fucked, and have no idea if the tree or the leeches are still gunning for me.

But I’m alive.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Been walking for awhile can’t see more then two or three feet in front of me. Flashlight doesn’t make a dent in this damn fog. Got sick a couple of times from the way it feels on my skin but Ryuu was right eventually your brain just shuts down certain things for survival. The screams can get pretty bad. I’m so tempted to put on my earphones and listen to music but with my luck as soon as I did that would be when I hear something else besides the screams.

How long have I been walking? It feels like days, but it can’t be days, days wouldn’t pass without me hearing from Sage or Ryuu or Lucien. I try not to stop for too long. Just long enough to type out a sentence or two. Want to keep a record of what I see here. I can pretty it up later.

Haven’t seen any of the leeches. There were at least twenty crawling all over my house when I left, but none of them seemed to notice me. That’s fine, they may die easy, but their teeth are wicked sharp and I don’t want to end up trying to throw salt at a swarm of them.

I…fuck the fog just parted. Like fricking Moses and the Red Sea. I am not stupid I am not going that way.

What the fuck! The fog behind me it’s like a wall, its solid! I can’t go backwards I can’t go the sides. It’s pushing me. The ground it feels funny. Like eggshells. There’s some kind of a noise. A droning sou

Ready to Roll

Ok folks. Your favorite friendly neighborhood witch is ready to go. I’ve got my backpack full of survival stuff. Food, water, candles, crystals, and salt. Lots and lots of salt.

Things are starting to get bad in here. The walls look like they're starting to peel away and I keep hearing whispers. The power died a few hours ago and I don't think its safe to stay here anymore. 

I made a small test run earlier. Went out in the fog to see if it would hurt me. It doesn’t hurt. It feel fucking disgusting, like a tongue that was licking me, tasting my skin. And the smell is even worse when you’re out in it, but at least I know I can move through it. The screams don’t seem to get any louder so that’s a small blessing.

One of the leeches came at me. Deities that thing was even uglier up close. I was surprised at how fast it moved. It was almost on me before I had a chance to react, but I was smart enough to go outside with my weapon of choice and a backup. I decided to try and treat it like it really was a leech and I was right to do so. The salt worked even better than I could have hoped. A small handful thrown in its face and it just melted into a puddle of water. And if that hadn’t worked I had one of my bottles of pepper spray ready to go.

I’m currently feeling pretty confident about dealing with them. I’ve got tons of salt, I’ve got four bottles of pepper spray, and for anything else, I found my grandmother’s hedge clippers that were down in the basement.

I know that I might not be making anymore posts after this one. So while this isn’t a good bye post, I still want to say a few things.

Thank you. Some of you have been with me from the start of this blog, some of you are newer. But no matter how long you’ve been with me, I am eternally grateful for all the love and support I get.

Sage, Ryuu I’ve got my Blackberry, and it’s got a full battery. Comment at me if you come up with anything and I’ll do the same if I find anything that I think you guys should know. I love you two.

Cathy, you are the best friend I could have asked for these past few months. I know you’ll get your baby back. You’re too strong not too. I know you need to look for Tony, but please don't get hurt.  I love you so much.

Lucien for the love of everything will you stop trusting that damn Count? Listening to a proxy is NOT smart!!! If you get yourself killed I will find a way to resurrect you just so I can kick your ass. Love you baby brother.

Zero. I forgive you.

I’m off folks. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Today's update is brought you to by the letters W, T, and F

Calmer now. Still fucking terrified, but thinking much more clearly. It’s amazing how much fear can help you work some clarity into your thoughts once you've managed to tell the panic attacks to piss off.

So after this conversation between my brother and me yesterday, I came to the realization that things are going to be more difficult then I originally thought. This probably isn't one of those labyrinth things that have happened to some of the other bloggers. As I understand it, the labyrinth is all in your head and I strongly suspect that this is not a hallucination. Not going to completely throw out the idea. There's still a chance that I could have been taken out of my home in my sleep and all this really is a hallucination of some sort, but the simplest explanations are usually the right ones. And for now the simplest explanation is that I really am somewhere else. I'm going to run with the idea that this not a hallucination, that way if it is real I don't do something stupid like not fight hard enough if I get attacked.

I saw one a little while ago. Zero's leech thing. It was crawling on the outside of my picture window. It looked at me. And it looked like it was smiling at me. Pretty fucked up, but still a hell of a lot easier to look at then the faceless wonder.

According to Zero's+ pictures I'm supposed to sit here and wait for those things to come crawling out of my walls and chase me out of the house.

Yeah fuck that. I'm not going to sit here and wait for some prediction made by my friendly neighborhood jade thief to come true. I sat around waiting to die once. Not happening again.

Sage, Ryuu, I'll wait a little longer for the two of you to get to my house...or my house in the real world...or my other house...whatever we're calling all this. Sage I really hope you've got some kind of an explanation about what's happening to me. You're the only person I know that specializes in this kind of a mess.

I'll try and give the two of you the rest of today to get there and start working this out. After that, I'm getting out of here. The electricity was working, but now things are starting to flicker on and off. I don't much fancy the idea of being alone in the dark with the possibility of those things getting in. And if those things find a way in, all bets are off. Besides, if there's a way out of this, I don't think I'm going to find it by hiding in the house. I've got a bag packed just in case Zero was a seer as well as a sage. If I do need to leave, I'll try to say something. At least my Blackberry still seems to be working.

Monday, May 23, 2011

I woke up this morning and the world was gone.

It was a normal enough night. I went to sleep and when I woke up I thought it was still night. Everything was pitch black. It took a minute for my mind to understand what I was seeing.

My house is surrounded by black fog. I think it might be the same black fog that I saw when I was in the Pine Barrens. And other than my house, there is nothing left here. I can’t see the sky, or the street, or the houses next to mine, or even my own backyard.

It looks like fog, but it doesn’t act like fog. It’s not coming in my windows or under the cracks around my doors. I can actually see it hovering over my windows, clinging to my outside walls.

It moves. Like a slug, it’s crawling slowly across my walls.

The more I hear it the more convinced I am it’s the same fog I saw back in February. It makes noise. It’s screaming. I can hear it screaming. And it smells like, oh fuck me, it smells like blood and-

Deities I feel so sick. Can’t use the toilets, got to save the water. Good thing I have the extra buckets I bought the last time my roof was leaking. Got to focus, was trying to talk about the fog, oh shit the smell-

It smells like blood and shit. It smells the way Tom’s body did when he died. And now that I think about it, it looks a lot like that swarm of crows too. Thick and black and never ending.

I’m so fucking scared right now. Nothing seems to be coming in, but I’m not sure how long I can hole up in here. I have some food left from when Cathy went shopping, but there’s not a lot of liquids. I have no running water, so once whatever is in my fridge and the toilets is gone, I’m screwed.

I don’t even know if posting this will work.

I…I think I just heard something on my roof.

Say something guys? Anything? Please tell me I’m not alone.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

My packages arrived. Definitely worth paying the extra money for overnight shipping. I spent the morning experimenting with a few different recipes and came up with a lovely little toy.

What does a metal spray bottle, rubbing alcohol, baby oil, and ghost peppers create when combined in just the right proportions?

Some of the nastiest pepper spray ever created. The recipe calls for cayenne. I figure that cayenne isn't guarnateed to work, especially if your attacker happen to enjoy spicy foods, might have a tolerance. But ghost peppers are the hottest naturally grown peppers in the world. They're used to keep elephants away! Tolerance or not, if you're getting past pepper spray made from those babies, I probably wasn't strong enough to get past you to begin with. All I needed was a chance to see how it worked.

And unfortunately I got that chance last night.

He wasn't the smartest as far as proxies go. He actually jumped up in front of my kitchen window screen and yelled boo. Sadly for him, ever since Maduin's announcement the other night, I've been waiting for something like this and I had my new toy ready. And well to be honest, when he screamed boo, I shrieked and used the spray without even thinking. Maybe that means my survival instincts are getting stronger?

I sprayed him through the screen in the eye holes of his mask twice before the effect hit him. His scream was...not pleasant as he tore the mask off his face, rubbing helplessly at his eyes.

I kept the bottle held up as I listened to him scream in pain. I somehow managed to keep from dropping it and running outside to see if he was alright. Instead when he disappeared from the view of my kitchen window I ran into the living room to watch him from the windows there.

He ran off down my street, screaming about "the Master will have the bitch." The bitch I assume meaning me. That's fine. To quote one of my favorite authors, "Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman's got to hold on to." 

And then he ran into a car. A parked cop car. The cop got out of his car and while I couldn't quite make out what was being said, it was sufficient enough for the officer to cuff my would be attacker and drive away with him in the back of the car. It was a bit of a relief actually. I don't want to have to deal with attackers and police anymore. There's only so many times a woman can be a victim in the space of three months before they're going to start looking more closely into why the woman is being attacked that often.

He looked so young.  Or maybe I'm just getting old. I don't even know anymore. I doubt he even had his driver's license yet.

I am so relieved this stuff worked. Having to fight with a kid? It's been bad enough dealing with the hollowed adults. A kid is too much to even contemplate. So I think I'll drop that particular line of thought and instead celebrate my creation of a very nasty weapon that I can not only use from a distance, but unless the person has an allergy, should be completely effective as well as nonlethal. 

Fighting without killing. It can be done folks. You just need to get creative.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

A Resourceful Sorceress?

When all this started, I made myself a promise that I wouldn't get drunk until this was over. After all, being drunk is not an optimal way to survive a Cosmic Horror story. Last night I came damn close to breaking that promise.

Sage? Me? Deities, even if I still believed that Core Theory worked I would have trouble with this one. I'm just an average woman trying to live through this mess. I think the only thing that sets me apart from any other Fighter or Runner is that I'm older then your average stalked. Other then that, I've had to live the same way everyone else has, fighting for my life, teetering on the edge of sanity.

Core Theory didn't work, doesn't work. We all know that. Robert is completely out of his mind, even more now then he was when he first created it. Insanity isn't necessarily a bad thing, especially for those of us that have seen the faceless wonder, but he's so far gone there is nothing left for him. If he were to ask me to follow him I would politely decline and then run as fast I could in the other direction. If I were to simply go by whether or not I trust in the person who created those titles to begin with, this wouldn’t be an issue.

But Robert isn't the one I need to care about. He's not the one who wants me to be this, is he?

Instead, I need to think the same things about Maduin. Is he insane? Oh yes, but in the right ways, the ways that you need to survive this mess without becoming a villain or if you’ll pardon my wording, a bad joke. Would I follow him? Well maybe not follow, but I would work with him in a bloody heartbeat. There's not so much of a difference between my balloons filled with rosemary water and his balloons filled with paint. Do I trust him? About as much as I can trust someone I've never met.

Which leads me back to square one. Sage? Me? I just don’t know. Maduin picked the three of us for a reason, so I’m not going to disrespect that by saying no, but I’m not going to let it get to me the way Zero did. No martyrdom here folks. I’m in this for the long haul.

If I have any words of wisdom, it’s because of what I’ve lived through, not because of a title. I’m the same woman that I was 24 hours ago. If people ask for advice I’ll give it. If people don’t want to talk to me that’s fine too. I can’t speak for them, but I suspect my newly appointed fellow sages (oh deities am I really saying this?) will agree. The only thing that this changes is that we can officially call ourselves a Power Trio now.

I know that it sounds silly to invoke another trope, but damn it I will use anything and everything to try and get me and mine out of this alive and sane.

So yes I accept this although I don’t see how it actually changes anything. I’m going to fight, but that’s something that I’ve been doing. In fact I actually ordered a few packages online yesterday that are going to make for a fun nonmagical experiment in self defense. I suppose that the bull’s eye that was already on my back got a nice coating of 80’s style neon color after last night, which means I’ll be testing it all out soon enough.

Long, tall, and faceless made his first appearance last night since the night I killed Tom. Staring at me from my picture window. But it’s not the same anymore. Yes it’s still sickening and terrifying to watch those too long limbs, that blank space where its face should be. I don’t think I will ever be able to look at it without shaking and feeling sick. Anyone that claims they can is a sociopath, an asshole, or a liar.

But its not the same kind of terror. Before I always felt hopeless and lost, like a child being overwhelmed by the dark. But I’ve faced the dark. I was dragged down into the dark, I was pulled out of it by my friends, and then I faced it down by myself and came out on the other side.

By hollowing Tom and sending him after me it tried to break me. And I will not be broken. The worst thing that it can do to me is kill me. And while I fully intend on sticking around for as long as possible, knowing that I won’t break makes the idea of dying while doing my damn best to take it down doesn’t scare me.

I’m still me. Kaylin Marie Davies, almost thirty one years old. I’m a woman and a witch. A godmother and a survivor. I’ve been stalked and hunted, tortured and abused.

And I guess now I’m a Sage as well.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011



I...think I need a stiff drink.
I think it’s time to get back on track. Cathy and Tony left and as far as I know the only stalker I have left is the supernatural one. And I think it’s time to start working on dealing with that again. I originally wanted to try something during Beltane, but it fell while I was at the hotel recovering from having fought Tom. And then there was Zero, and honestly I didn’t even celebrate Beltane properly much less try to do something about the faceless wonder.

So it’s time to start over. It’s time to live damn it because I am tired of waiting to die. I have too much to live for. Strange isn’t it? I haven’t had much to live for in the past few years. Just me and my computer, and sometimes I would go see the god kids. Now I don’t have the god kids anymore, but I still feel like I have more to live for then I have in a very long time.

Slice…I wish you were still here, but I want you to be at peace even more. Both you and your brother. I just wish we could have had the chance to meet, to talk in person. I know how mad you would be if you knew how guilty I feel right now. So instead I’ll just do my best to honor your life. Make your next life be much happier than this one was.

And Thomas. My sweet Thomas, my Mr. Spender. It’s been weeks since I heard from you or the people you were traveling with. At this point I know I need to assume the worst. It wasn’t love. We both knew that. But now we won’t know if it could have been. I hope that we’ll see each other again, in this life or the next. And I hope that we’ll have a chance to see whether or not it could have been love.

I’m ready to move forward. Let’s go.

Monday, May 16, 2011

I am very mentally drained right now guys. Tony and I had a situation today and it wasn’t very pleasant. I debated for awhile about whether or not I should post this, but if nothing else  it should be documented in case Tony gets his memories wiped again. He says he doesn’t care if I post it, and I can understand why he’s not going to post it himself.

For anyone who’s not familiar with the situation, Tony has no memories of his life before he married Cathy. Bits and pieces of his childhood have been slowly coming back and a very nasty one came back for him today.

Cathy had decided to go out grocery shopping for me. She said it was to give me a break, but I think part of it was her needing some alone time doing something normal. It’s been so good spending time with each other, but its hurt a bit as well, especially when she started talking about Cynthia and I started talking about Maggie and Jake. So she went out to grocery store while I went to go take a shower. I had just finished getting dressed when I heard Tony start screaming. I ran down the stairs just in time to see him pick up one of my lamps and start smashing it into my coffee table.

He kept wrecking my living room, smashing things left and right, carving his hands up while he destroyed my possessions. Lucky for me I didn’t have too much valuable left in there, most of it got trashed during the crow storm. I didn’t want to get hurt or have to hurt him so I did my best to just stay out of his way until he tried to leave.

I may not be a shrink, but I think that I am more then qualified to recognize the look of a man that wants to hurt someone. And with that look on his face, there was no way I was letting him walk out that door. So I blocked the doorway, got in face, told him he wasn’t walking out until he calmed his ass down.

He raised a blood covered fist, but it didn’t scare me. He’s nowhere near as frightening as Tom was. I glared at him instead. "Go ahead and fucking hit me Tony. I already told you multiple times, I can take a hit and keep going."

He stared at me for a moment and turned around, stomping away from me to sit on my couch. "Why the hell would I hit you? S’not worth it and my hands are fuckin’ bleeding everywhere."

Yeah they were. He bled all over my poor couch. I’ve got some of my grandmother’s afghans on there now to cover up the stains. He covered his face with his hands, streaking it all over, making him look like a survivor of a horror movie. I suppose he was trying to ignore me, but I still wasn’t convinced he was ok to be left alone. So I sat down in my recliner. Didn’t talk to him that way he could have his space, but wasn’t going to let him out of my sight either. Which he didn’t like very much at all.

He got up again, so I got up and followed him. He flipped out again, screaming at me to leave him alone, that it was none of my business, why the fuck did I care? And I told him that it didn’t matter why I cared. I just did.

It was almost like me saying that flicked a switch that turned all that anger off because he just sat down in the middle of the floor and started staring at the wall. So I sat down next to him again not saying anything. And I guess it was the right thing to do because after a little while of silence, he started talking like a floodgate had been opened.

T: Hehe, I'm some grumpy old sociopath who can't even keep his eleven year old daughter from turning into himself. What have I done to help? Bitch some retards out? I don't do anything. Hell, I try to push people away. I'm not safe. And for some reason they keep coming back. And they say it's understandable that I would be like this. No one gets it, Kay. I'm bad. I'm wrong. There is somethin' inside of me that is sick and twisted and that thing has changed me into somethin' else. I'm not an Uncle figure for little lost teens or a loving husband who just wants the best for his family. I'm fuckin' selfish and depraved and I wanna hurt people so much. They don't get that I would, if I had the chance. I don't need a reason, I just need a cue. But 'oh Tony that's okay. You're alright. You're good ol' Tony still. Hehe, I haven't been Tony for eleven years. Hell I dunno if I even was Tony. Maybe the kid my parents wanted never even had the chance to live.

And guess what guys? There went Kay again, little Florence Nightingale wanna be, just like with Zero. I wasn’t mad anymore about my furniture and my stuff. I just wanted to find a way to help.

K: Well after seeing what you just did to my living room, I won't lie to you and say that I think you're just fine. But you didn't hit me when you could have. Hell I know you wanted to. I know what a man's face looks like when he wants to feel someone's skin break under his hands. And you didn't. You stopped. My opinion may not mean much to you, but that counts for a lot in my book. So maybe there is something wrong inside you. But I don't think its all wrong. I don't think all the good has been taken.

T: *He laughed.* Hopeful words right there, Kay. You don't even really know me, but it's nice of you t'say that.

K: *I shrugged* Just my opinion, you can take it or leave it.

T:....Lemme tell ya' a story. Once upon a time there was a kid named Anthony Delmont. He wasn't cool, he wasn't boring, he was average. That's why even the monster didn't come after him cause' he didn't stand out at all. But the thing with bein' average is that ya' get the attention of other monsters...the kind that are human. So Anthony had this imaginary friend- it was just as cool as the one his friend had, in fact, he thought it was the same one. For years and years he talked to this friend and walked around and played games with the imaginary buddy. None of the other kids ever saw his friend cause' now Anthony was special enough to have him all to hisself. When he turned eleven it wasn't cool to have this friend around anymore. People were calling him crazy and that he was just making it all up cause' his friend was a clever one, hehe, so fuckin' clever. So the next time he met his friend he told him it was over and to take a hike. Thing is...he kept seeing that friend everywhere. day he wised up...When he followed his friend one day...back to a house...where the friend had a wife and kids. Which should be impossible, right? Cause' his friend is imaginary.

He gave me a smile and I shivered. His grin reminded me of Zero’s eyes. Nothing pleasant and nothing sane.

T: And suddenly it wasn't somethin' in his head, it was a fucked up fairy tale that was reality. Anthony was fifteen when he figured out this man existed and had followed him around since he was eight, made him believe he was something unreal so that he him...and Anthony knew he had to do somethin' cause' that's wrong and wrong can't be left unpunished. But he would do this alone because goddamn if this wasn't their secret, just like his 'imaginary friend' had told him.

He went quiet for a second with that grin growing wider.

T: So...Anthony...went to his house at night. Broke in. And then beat the man with a baseball bat until he could hear him squealing like the animal he was. And boy did he squeal like a pig! Anthony felt satisfied as bones broke and teeth cracked and blood spurted, right in front of a screaming wife and kids. The police came and took him away but the man survived. Anthony was sent to juvie while the pedophile got sent to jail with a minimum sentence. And the memory ends with the flashing lights and the noisy courtroom and the disappointed parents, hehe.

He turned and stared at me, and I wanted to cry at the hopelessness in those eyes.

T: I'm not a hero. I'm not someone you can look up to. I'm some man who's been fucked up by both a pedophile and monster.

And he kept staring at me, like he expected me to cringe and look away. But sometimes things just click in your head. And I could see that even though we were reacting to our pain in very different ways, Tony and I were a lot more alike then I ever could have expected.

K: And I'm a woman that was fucked up by an abuser and a monster. I'm not gonna condemn you for what you did Tony.

I pointed towards a window in the next room with shiny new glass.

K: I stood right outside that window and slammed the glass into his neck over and over until my hands were bleeding just like yours are now. I know that if I tell you I'm sorry, I'll get a patented Tony wise ass come back. But you can't stop me from wishing that Anthony could have been saved from what he went through. Either way, no you're not a hero. You're a survivor. Like me.

T: *He gave a weak bitter laugh.* Survivor, huh? I'm tired of bein' the survivor.

K: Yeah me too. But the only other option is letting it win. And I'm not about to let that happen without a fight.

T: I've been fighting it for...I don't even know how long. And y'know what? I know what I left with it. I can put two and two together. That man I killed at the was him. He got outta jail early on good behavior and was changin' his ways or some shit. And by that point I had lost everything, Kay. My house, my friends, my family, my wife, my kid. And he was free and waltzin' around praisin' the Lord's name and thinkin' he was okay. I had been running for four years and he got off with a smack on th' hand. I got so....ANGRY. *He balled his hands into fists.* And I just...had t'punish him. For what he did. When I walked towards him I could hear it whispering in my head and pushin' me on, makin' me feel like a big man. I cornered that motherfucker and killed him in the church parking lot. Snapped his neck with my own hands and spit on his corpse. And I thought...the Lord hasn't looked out for me so far, what's th' point? Might as well become a devil if He isn't gonna help me. *He paused* I’m....bad.

K: No Tony. Not for that. I know you've done some fucked up things, but that is not one of them. He deserved it. Sometimes what goes around comes around. And sometimes you are what comes around.

T: Hehe maybe he did. But all the others didn't. I lost count of how many I tortured and handed over. It should feel wrong...but it doesn't.

K: I'll be honest Tony, I don't know what to say about that. I won't condemn you for something that you did while you were under it's control, but I'm not dumb enough to think that everything is sparkly fluffy bunnies just because you stopped. I get it. You're a sociopath. And I hope that you can come back from that somehow. I still think if there was nothing human left for you, you would have attacked me down there. People want happy endings. All those kids out there on the blogs. That’s why they haven't turned away from you. Cause they're still hoping that a hero will come to save us and we'll all live happily ever after. But you and me, we're old enough to know better.

T: Heh, certainly at that age. I feel older than forty. I feel like I'm old and withered and ready to drop. Cathy has more drive than me. I don't even know I wanna find Cynthia at this point. She's turning into me. It's disgusting to watch.

K: Cynthia is her world. Thage is missing, Reach is dead, and you two won't be here with me for very long. What else does she have to keep going for?

T: Nothin'. It's sad. That's why she's gonna let herself go. I want her t'get better's hard to break free. That thing is like a disease that never leaves. There's always somethin' to pull you back.

K: That’s why I'm either going out fighting, or I'm putting a bullet in my brain.

That grin had slowly vanished from his face while we talked and his voice had lost the angry edge that made me feel like he still needed to be watched. I stood up and offered him a hand.

K: So are you gonna let me help you clean those cuts up?

He looked down at his hands and laughed before reaching up to take mine and pull himself to his feet, smirking at me.

T: You got balls, Kay.

So we went to the bathroom and got his cuts cleaned out and the blood off of his face. And then I made him come help me clean up the wreck he made in my living room. Poor Cathy got back to the house to see my couch covered in blood and my table smashed to pieces. So much for her relaxing alone time.

There isn’t too much else to say about this. I hope that it’ll help Tony not only to finally remember, but to have talked about it too. And I’m sure he’s gonna come bitch at me for posting this even if he did say he didn’t care if I did. Think of it this way, Tony, if you lose your memory again, at least this time there’s a record.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Think Happy Thoughts

Cathy and Tony are here and my heart is so full it helps make up for how angry I was at myself over Zero. I really didn’t think she and I were ever going to actually meet and to have this actually happening is just wonderful.

I wish it was better circumstances. I wish with all my heart that that the two of us were going out to dinner with Cynthia and that my voice didn’t still rasp if I talk too much, but we take what we can get right?

I am calmer then I was. Between Cathy being here and talking with Hakurei on the phone for a while I feel less angry at myself. I did what I felt I needed to do at the time. Was it the right decision? I don’t know. What if I had managed to knock him out? What was I supposed to do? Keep him like a pet? There’s no way I would have been able to give him to the police. I’m sure that branch of the FBI that supposedly exists just to deal with Fighters and Runners would not have anything good in store for me or him. And turning him over to the authorities knowing that would have been just as bad as murdering him myself.

I refuse to believe that anyone can't be saved no matter what they believe of themselves. I may be mad at myself for the way things turned out, but Hakurei is right. I had to try. And I am not going to apologize for refusing to murder a man in cold blood.

Generally hindsight is 20/20 but not in this case. I can’t come up with any other options to take that would have let me keep living with myself. I did the best that I could and that’s all any of us can ever do. That would make a good epitaph wouldn’t it? Here lies Kaylin. She did the best that she could.

I could think of much worse ways to have lived my life.

Now if you’ll excuse me, my best friend and I are going to cook breakfast together while her ex-husband glares at us and complains about us laughing too much.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Stupid Me

I’m stupid. Deities I am so stupid. I actually had myself fooled for a bit. Thought that maybe I was somehow making a difference. That my words might actually fucking mean something and that there is something left in this world that isn’t covered in blood.

Right, backtracking a bit so that you guys can understand why I’m such a jackass. As stated in my last entry, there was a knock on my door. This was weird for several reasons. One, if it was someone I knew they wouldn’t have knocked, they would have used their cell phone to call me. Two, no one knocks on doors around here, they ring doorbells. Three, it was almost freaking midnight!

Being at least occasionally intelligent, I went over to one of my front windows, shutting the living room lights off first so that whoever was out there wouldn’t be able to see me very well. Even with that precaution, I made sure to stay far enough away from the screen that someone couldn’t thrust a knife at me through it. I then demanded to know who the hell was at my door this late at night.

And the voice that answered me was...just a normal voice. He sounded utterly exhausted, but calm. “I told you I'd be coming here, Kay.”

It was Zero. Of course it would be Zero. Who the hell else would it be?

There are days that I wish my life was a movie. Not because of happy endings, or super powers, or anything that unrealistic. No I just want to have the ability to always know what to say. If I was a movie heroine, I would have the perfect snarky badass response to the fact that the man who had officially become my third fucking stalker had knocked on my door like he was expecting to be invited in for tea and crumpets. But my mouth opened and instead of something smooth I said, “Oh deities, are you fucking kidding me?"

If he was the slightest bit amused by my inability to process the fact that he was at my door, he didn’t show it. Instead he stood at my door and I stood at my window. I could see the mask that he wore, the same mask from the pictures he posted on his blog, back when he was still a hero and I could see his katana in its sheath strapped to his back. He stood there with his hands in his pockets and we had a conversation through my window.

Z: You have something I need. I ask that you let me in.

K: Yeah, not so much. How dumb do you think I am?

Z: *He laughed softly.* Despite my recent...actions lately, I'm not actually here to hurt you. You asked me a question, I wanted to do my best to answer it.

K: There is no despite your recent actions. Your recent actions are everything! How the hell can I believe that? You still haven't told me how you found out where I live!

Z: *He shrugged.* Not too certain myself, I just...go places nowadays. Look...I'm hoping that maybe helping you helps me as well. Maybe something about these pictures...

K: So you really don't remember sending them to me? You weren't just being an asshole?

Z: Heh...I get frustrated a lot, sure, but I've never sent hate mail to anyone, especially in drawn form...

I’ll admit, that made me laugh. This whole conversation had taken on a surreal aspect, he was making a joke, and it almost felt like by laughing I had admitted a weakness. I tried to pull myself back on track.

K: How can I believe you? You've been bragging about killing people, Fighters and Runners like me.

Z: Bragging? *He sighed* Shit, I hate it more than anything...look, I don't like being out here in the open, but I really don't have any way to promise my intent.

I stared at him for a moment. Maybe he was insane, but he was also very similar to a religious nutcase. The way he talked about that sword on his blog, you could tell that there wasn’t anything he valued higher then it. That he thought it was a holy weapon or something. And I thought I knew exactly how to get rid of him.

K: What about your sword? You can't actually think that I would let even think about letting you in here with a weapon.

Z: Uhm...

He looked at his sword. I could see this almost panicky Iook go across his face and for a moment I thought I had pushed the right nerve, that he was going to leave.

Z: I really don't want to just leave it out here, but maybe you could...hold onto it? Be careful...

And he pulled the sheathed sword off of his back and held it out towards my window, the handle towards me. I stood there just staring for a second before cracking open the screen wide enough to pull it inside. So now I was kind of stuck. If I didn’t let him in now that I had his sword, he would probably go berserk. If I let him in he was probably going to go berserk. Way to go Kay. And I was pissed off enough at myself and him for putting me in this position that I deliberately invoked a nasty little echo from his past.

K: Well you already knocked, so when I open the door make sure you keep your hands where I can see them. I'd make you lay face down, but I suppose you won't be able to look at the pictures too well that way, will you?

He nodded at me.

Z: Just...easy with my sword. It’s all I've got.

I’m too gods damned soft hearted for my own good. He just sounded so weak and afraid once I was holding his sword. I opened the door warning him to keep his hands where I could see them and to keep his distance from me. I put his sword in my closet and let him enter my living room.

The first thing I noticed about him was that he was large. I mean large like my ex fiancé large. The second thing I noticed was how beat to shit he was. He could barely hold himself upright without swaying and he limped like crazy. So I figured that if he did go berserk, being in pretty crappy physical condition would probably balance out the fact that he could probably lift me up one handed. The third thing I noticed was that the mask he wore had eyeholes that were large enough to very clearly let me see his eyes. And they were practically mirrors of my own in how tired they were. But at the same time, if I hadn’t already known I was talking with a madman, one look into those eyes would have been more than enough to let me know what I was dealing with.

He looked around and seemed rather surprised as he saw my crystal collection laying on the tables and windowsills.

Z: Hmmm...crystals.

I remembered the last time he and I had spoken, over Doctor Cairo’s Ustream, where he had accused my research with crystals to be mumbo jumbo and I was quite grateful to feel myself getting mad again. Better to stay mad. He was acting harmless enough at the moment, but it would be easier to fight someone I was mad at rather than someone I was pitying.

K: Oh yes, I forgot. You have issues with my crystals.

Z: I was frustrated with things again...hmm jade *He picked up a piece.* I've actually seen this stuff wither and blacken, probably the only thing I've seen that actually seems consistent.

I then noticed that he was wearing a backpack and nearly smacked myself. I’ve read the damn blog entries, I knew that his sword wasn’t his only weapon.

K: You can lose the backpack or leave.

He set it down by my door without even blinking. Nothing like the emotional reaction he had to handing over his sword. I suppose that he doesn’t love his other knives quite as much. I felt a little bit safer so I thought I would at least be polite while we were discussing my area of expertise.

K: Odd because that's not one of the properties I've ever heard of for it.

I picked up a piece of quartz that I never let far from me anymore. The quartz I used to stab Tom in the eye.

Z: Would you believe I suggested that to Nessa once, that maybe jade could help either cleanse her, or ward off corruption. *He sighed.* I got it from a card game I played...heh....but the next time I saw her, that last time, she showed me a little warped dragon figurine, as black as night...

And there it was again, that pity creeping in. Stupid, stupid Kaylin, who never could resist the call of a hurting soul, who always has to try and take care of people, who always has to try and save them. I shoved my hair out of my face in frustration and tossed the piece of quartz at him, hoping to remind him that he did not want to fuck with me.

K: I'd be more inclined to use this for a cleansing.

I started moving towards my computer room, making sure to move backwards so that I wasn’t turning my back to him. I needed to get him out of there. I had a freaking serial killer standing in my living room making conversation about crystals. What the hell was wrong with me? If he was telling the truth about just wanting to see the pictures that he claimed to not remember drawing, I needed to let him see them and have him get the hell out of my house.

K: So do you want to see these or not?"

He nodded and followed me. I pulled the envelope with the pictures of out the desk and handed them to him, glaring at him as I gave it to him. I guess the power of my glare isn’t much though, he simply sat down in my computer chair and rifled through them while I stood there, waiting for my explanation.

K: Here you go. Proof that you decided to add yourself to the list of people and things that felt a need to stalk me.

Z: I don't remember making pictures of you....these look nothing like you.

K: Pictures of me? Wait, that's supposed to be me?

Z: I think so...and now I've damned you. Now somehow, I've...I've told it about you, I think...and it's going to find you. *He slumped down in my chair.* What have I done to you?

K: Damned me? What the hell are you talking about?

Z: The tree, somehow...I think it's going to come for you. I think I tried to warn you about it.

K: Why would it be coming for me? And how would warning me damn me? And why the hell couldn't you have said something instead of scaring the fuck out of me with the pedo stalker mail?

Z: I don't even remember drawing it! I can't sleep, I have to keep moving every day, I've got people on both sides trying to kill me, because everyone knows I'm crazy...and I'm just trying to end this madness, Kay...I...don’ I did this.

At this point we both fairly upset. And the last I thing I wanted was to deal with an indignant psychopath while I was so upset I was nearly in tears. I took a deep breath and attempted to calm myself down.

K: Alright fine. Let’s go with you don't remember doing it, even though I still find that far too suspicious. So why do you think you would have needed to warn me?

Z: I wanted to warn you because you were so nice to me, that since I'm responsible for all this, the least I could do is warn you what was coming...

And I swear to you folks, I think I felt something in my brain break a little bit when he said that. I sat down in a chair and stared at him dumbly for a moment before I was able to make my brain connect to my mouth again.

K: Let me get this straight. You somehow found my address, sent me pictures that you don't remember drawing, left cryptic threatening sounding comments on my blog, and show up at my door armed in the middle of the night to talk to me all because I was nice to you?

Z: I guess so. Have you seen the leeches yet? I think they feed on it sometimes. They won't be hard to hurt, they just explode, like water balloons. I didn't see anything that could help me, and I've already hurt you too much. I should go.

He stood up and I watched him sway again. And all those stupid must take care of people instincts just came rushing back to the front of my brain. Before I could even think logically I was standing in front of him, insisting that he sit back down, that he should be in a hospital.

Z: I can manage, I don't have a choice really. I'm on a deadline. Goodbye, Kay. Maybe I'll kill that tree before it comes for you, or before it takes full control of me...

And that was when I started remembering that I was arguing with a serial killer. But I also realized that said serial killer was damaged enough that maybe I could knock him down, tie him up, stop him.

K: You are probably a full foot taller than me as well as at least a hundred pounds heavier than me, but I could probably give you a good hard shove right now and you would keel over. In fact, I should, it would stop you from hurting anyone else!

And oh I swear I think I hurt his pride when I said that! He did that thing where guys straighten their backs and try to make their shoulders look bigger. Kind of the human male equivalent of how a cat puffs itself to look large to an enemy. He looked down at me, assessing me, and started speaking again.

Z: want to kill me then? Hmm, Kay? Death by your hands? Certainly you've had to kill before, certainly you're no stranger to it now. don't get to kill me. No, I still get to atone for my pride and my vanity before I can die. Then you can get in line with everyone else who wants to do me in.

K: Kill you? When the hell did I say kill you? Not everyone is like you, you know. Not all of us think that killing is the only option. I've killed, but I've also incapacitated.

Z: For the wrongs I've done to all, and the wrongs I've done for you, why wouldn't you want to kill me?

His voice trembled when he asked me why I wouldn’t want to kill him and that was when I lost any ability to try and hurt him. The self-loathing, the bitterness in his voice. It was too much. I thought maybe I could help save him. Maybe I could somehow convince him that he could stop this. Stupid, stupid me. How the hell have I been through so much, yet I still remain so idiotically naïve.?

K: Because you can still be saved. I've told you before and I will keep saying it, my heart hurts so much for what you and she went through. But Zero, she would not want you to do this. It's wrong and you know it. You can stop and you can find a better way. You wouldn't be the first person to go down a wrong path and turn back around.

Z: Wouldn't you burn your soul to ash if you could save those you care about? Or in memory of those you failed to save?

K: Not if there is a better way. And murder is never the right way!

Z: And what other ways have worked? Running, dying by its hand, amnesia? This isn't so simple to think that truth and good prevail. I said before that if I had to play a villain to fight this thing, I will...I just…

And then he started to cry and my heart broke. This poor man, standing in my home crying because he just wanted the nightmare to be over. Just like I want. Just like we all want. He rubbed at his mask and kept speaking.

Z: There's no other way for me, for any of us. We can't just wish him away. Not all of us get a happy ending, Kay, not for me anyway.

K: Remnant-

Z: Not Remnant...

His arms fell to away from his face to his sides and looked at me with a pair of pain filled eyes that seemed completely lucid for the first time since he had walked into my home.

Z: Remnant, Zerosage, they're just cover identities, another mask that I wear. I have a real name.

And just like that, he told me his name. I don’t know why. And I won’t tell you guys what it is. It just doesn’t feel right to share that. I put my hands on his shoulders and got him to sit back down in the chair.

K: Alright, [DATA REDACTED]. Why are you so convinced you can't have one? Or at least a better one then what you've decided to do?"

Z: Because I know better. Because I've spilt too much blood. reached out and touched a viper, and were struck by it. Ame.... Kay...if I don't do this, the tree will kill me. All I can hope for is to leave this world in a better place before I fall. Maybe then everyone can forget all about me.

He was crying even harder now. He honestly believed that he had somehow sent that tree thing after me and I could hear how much he hated himself for it. I reached out and pulled the mask off of his face.

Guys, he’s my age. I had always assumed he was like most of the people that blog. Late teens, early twenties. Some poor kid that spent too much time online and had his life taken away before he even had a chance to start living it. But no, he’s my age, maybe a little bit older. The kind of guy that if I had met him under other circumstances I would have shyly admired him and hoped that maybe he would ask for my phone number. And for some reason that made my heart hurt even more.

K: I won't forget you, not after all this.

And I couldn’t help it. I reached out and I wrapped my arms around him and I held him while he cried and sobbed. And I thought that maybe somehow I really had gotten through to him. That he could be like Reach was and turn himself around.

Pretty dumb of me huh? He fell asleep and I left the room. He proceeded to get his stuff and sneak out of my house. Probably on his merry way to start killing again. I had the chance to stop him but because I was stupid enough to think that he was somehow hearing me, he’s still at large, a danger to all of you.

And the bastard stole my piece of jade.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

I sat down to make a post just to let you guys know that I'm still alive. But as soon as sat down to type I realized that for the first time in months I have nothing to say. No one has shown up at my home to hurt me. No supernatural occurrences have plagued my days or nights. The worst thing that has happened is that Zero is still making his vaguely threatening promises to come visit me and that doesn't even bother me much at this point.

It's very odd, this lack of fear. And it's worrisome. I can understand it. I faced down my worst nightmare brought to life and won. But fear is something that we need, it helps us to stay alive. And if I don't have fear to help me remember when to not do stupid things like shove a mirror in the not face of an Eldritch Abomination-

There was just a knock at my door. It is the middle of the night! And I'd be an idiot to not realize that anyone knocking on my door at this time of night is not coming over for tea and cookies.

Gods and goddesses, I don't want to fight anymore. But I'm not gonna hide from this either.

Be back later folks. Here's hoping it won't be from the hospital again.

Monday, May 2, 2011


Hello Zerosage! I saw your comment and felt that my response would work much better here.

I assume that you didn't start reading this blog until I made the mistake of discovering that you weren't dead and started trying to communicate with your Remnant persona, who by the way is MUCH more polite and pleasant then this aspect of you! Perhaps this would go much smoother if I could speak with Remnant instead?

Since I'm assuming the only thing you know about me is that I am female and your recent observations about us tend to make me think you don't respect us much to begin with, I would like to direct your attention to three specific posts that will show you something very very important.

These three men. All three of them have come after me. The two that tried to kill me are dead. And while it hurt my soul every time I had to defend myself, I won't let that stop me if you make the mistake of thinking you can put me down as easily as that poor girl, Kelly.

Do us both a favor before you come here. Make sure you really want to do this first.