Everything feels so strange right now. I’m at a hotel, got released from the hospital this morning. Not allowed to go back to my own house yet. It’s still considered a crime scene. On the plus side I was promised that the worst of the mess will be cleaned up before I am able to go back. It was so strange though. It was like they didn’t actually see what happened.
I guess its part of that whole perception filter thing. I never thought I would be using that phrase outside of discussing a Doctor Who episode, but my neighbor was asleep the whole time Tom and I were fighting and the whole time those crows were swarming, but he just happened to wake up after everything was done, look out his window, and see Tom’s body?
The cops too. They didn’t seem to really see what my house looked like. They looked right past the crow feathers scattered everywhere, the fact that every window was shattered, not just the one I had closed on Tom.
But they saw me very well. Covered in blood with a body hanging out a window on the other side of the room. They took me to the hospital and kept trying to question me, which was more then a little ridiculous since my throat was so swollen I could barely breathe, let alone talk. They did love the fact that instead of calling them I sat down and got blood all over my keyboard. Mind you they haven't questioned what I was doing on the computer. But that's ok cause I'm not even sure what possessed me to go the computer first. I think I was just trying to get back any sense of sanity. Blogging is sane. Slamming a window frame full of shattered glass on your ex is not. I was just trying so hard to process what happened, trying to get away from the panic.
But anyway the cops didn't ask what I was doing at the computer. I wonder if this blog is covered under that filter? Well I couldn't answer them anyway, not with my voice shot and my wrist and fingers swollen. So the doctors pumped me full of steroids and painkillers and my lawyer made them go away until communication was going to be a little easier.
By the time she let them talk to me, things were starting to shape up in my favor. There I was all beaten up again, after having been hospitalized for the same man attacking me only weeks before. My lawyer is completely confident that this will be ruled self defense and on the off chance that it isn’t there is no jury in the world that would convict me with all of the physical evidence there is for me right now.
The steroids gave me my appetite back. I’ve been eating like a horse which is saying a lot when you think about the fact that all I’ve been eating for the past few days is hospital food. And the painkillers I’m on have been knocking me out so I’m starting to catch up on my sleep. I looked at myself today and while I’ve got a good size bruise from where he hit me, my face is starting to look more like a woman then a living skeleton.
It’s the strangest feeling. For the first time in seven years, he’s not hovering over me anymore. Not physically or in my own head. I am battered and bruised, but it doesn’t truly hurt because he can’t hurt me anymore. I’m free.
Morningstar: I usually make it a point to ignore you. Your cartoon villainy makes it impossible to take you seriously, and your sheer fury makes talking with you worthless most of the time. However, I feel I at least owe you a response after the well meant if odd supportive comments you have given me in the past few weeks. So to answer your questions, no. I don’t feel powerful. Or excited. I feel weary. I feel sad that others had to suffer because of him. And I still feel sad for him. I don’t know what happened to him that made him into what he was, but considering the fact that those kinds of damages usually occur in childhood, I doubt he deserved it. I can pity the person he should have been while still being relieved that one of the monsters that killed my godchildren is gone.
Zero: You have got some serious freaking nerve! You send me those pictures, claim ignorance, but then ask for directions to find me? What the hell is your problem?
Rika: You know what go stalk your psycho boyfriend. Maybe then he'll leave me alone.
Thank you everyone else for the support. You guys are so wonderful and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you. I don’t think I’ll ever be ok with the fact that this happened, but I’ll get through it. It’ll be nice to go back home in a few days and know that no matter what else happens, he’s never coming for me again.