An emotional attachment shouldn’t form this quickly. I suppose it can be excused under the circumstances. After all, intense situations tend to cause more intense emotional reactions. Of course normally emotions grown under those kinds of circumstances tend to crash and burn rather hard, but I don’t think I need to worry too much about it. We don’t have that kind of time.
Back to my original point, despite the speed of it and just the shock of it happening at all, I did form an attachment to him. I never expected to be able to care for someone like this again without being afraid of them. I didn’t plan this and neither did he. Although when a man says he wants to come to your home to see if he can help you be safer and then shows up with a dozen red roses, it does tend to throw the idea that he wasn’t looking for anything out the window. I’m not giving him enough credit, though. He’s probably the loneliest man I have ever met. The flowers were his way of saying thank you for letting him come here and not be alone for a little bit. Everything else that happened was just an added blessing.
But now he’s gone. And it hurts. So I gave myself a day. He left yesterday morning and I let myself have until this morning to grieve the loss. Any emotional loss deserves a mourning period, but I refuse to give it more than that. Not when there are more important things then my feelings at stake. But still…
I know you won’t see this until weeks from now, if you even get to see it at all, but I miss you. Please be safe. Even if I never see you again, just knowing that you’re still in the world makes it a better place for me.
So my twenty four hours are up and it’s time to get back on track. Back to trying to figure out if my personal practices have any chance of saving our asses. It’s unfair. If this were a movie, I’d all of a sudden discover that I have the power to start shooting fireballs from my fingertips, or summon a bolt of lightning to hit it square in its not face. Instead I have crystals, books, and imagination. If I have to deal with the movie monster, why can't I get the powers as needed as well?
I know that these three things are not enough to keep me alive, so right now I need a little help from you guys.
Poll: Is it evil?
This seems like a very easy question, but in fact it’s actually very complex. It could be evil, but it could also be like a hurricane. Destructive, but not evil. I don’t want to call it a force of nature, but I don’t want to rule out the possibility yet either. And there’s always the possibility of Blue and Orange Mentality. There really are a lot of options as to what its nature is.
So for everyone here who has dealt with it, I need your opinions. Facts would be even more helpful, but this is all trial and error. Therefore the more data I can gather the better. I know what my opinion is, but the more I have to work with, the more likely I can come up with something that at the very least won’t get me killed.
Have at it folks.