Thursday, June 16, 2011

Hey folks. Sorry I’ve been so silent lately. I’ve been doing a lot of deep thinking about the things that I’ve done. The people I’ve hurt.

My brother is hurt. And while I’m not the person who did it, it’s still my fault. I was the one who introduced him to all this. So that’s seven people that I have either directly or indirectly harmed since all this began. Although if you think about it, the number might be even more. I killed Tom, and because of that his family who loved him suffers. My godchildren were killed and their mother is destroyed. I heard that she had to be sent to the hospital because she wasn’t eating. Who knows who else has been hurt by the things I’ve done?

And before I get scolded by my loving and worried friends, I do understand that the things I did were not done with a wicked intent. But it doesn’t make my heart feel less pained.

I believe in karma, that what we do comes back to us, even if it wasn’t ill meant at the time. It’s the butterfly effect, everything we do effects numerous other situations. I’ve made so many mistakes in the past few months.

I think I need a blogging break. If anything important happens I’ll post about it, and if anyone needs me just leave a comment or send an email. And I’ll probably still be keeping an eye on all the blogs I normally watch, commenting when and if I have something intelligent to say. I just…

I need some time off. Well the closest I can come to having time off when our favorite stalker still makes random appearances. It frightens me more to see it in the sunlight you know. There’s a quality of realism that can’t be denied in the light the way you can sometimes try to deny what you see in the dark.

But even with the ever present threat that chases us, I, no we cannot give in to despair. We have to keep going. I’m still alive. I’m still sane. Don’t give up hope no matter how hard it hurts. If you’re a runner, keep moving, if you’re a fighter, keep looking for ways to strike back. I should be dead, so many of us should be dead. And in honor of the ones that are dead, we need to keep going. I am still here and my home is still open to any of you that need it. And maybe while I take this break I'll be able to come up with something that lets me get back into the fight.


  1. Take your time. We'll hold things together until you're ready. And we're totally having a movie night some time soon.

  2. What he said. You know how to reach me. *hugs tightly*

  3. ... Okay, I have epically bad timing.
    I expect you'll still get this message, though. We haven't talked yet, I've just barely gotten caught up on your blog today, but I just wanted to let you know I admire you a lot.
    Whenever you're ready to come back, you should look me up. I'd love a chance to talk with you some.