Sunday, January 30, 2011

Just Venting

I’m pissed right now. Really fucking pissed and tired and miserable and I just don’t know how I’m gonna keep going right now. And I have been feeling like this almost all day. Nothing new happened, I just hate feeling backed into a corner.

Ok, backstory leading up to my pissed offness. After I got in the house Friday night, first thing I did was take a shower. And washed my hair. Six times. Still debating cutting it off completely. If I think about it too much, I can still almost feel-

And stopping that thought before I end up sick in the bathroom again. Have you ever puked with ribs that are at least bruised if not possibly broken? Want to try and avoid that one. So anyway cleaned myself up and typed up my last post. I then proceeded to collapse in my bed and slept for about ten hours. Went looking through my mirrorless bathroom cabinet to see if I had any aspirin and got damn lucky. Found half a bottle of Vicodin left over from when I tore my MCL last year. So spent most of yesterday in a drug induced haze commenting with horrible spelling and grammar on other’s people’s blogs and catching up on what’s been happening in the vlogs. (And oh for shit’s sake, the poor EMH guys, can’t they get a freaking break?)

Random note, has anyone here seen Dr. Cairo Zelphest’s latest vlogs? He trolled his Slendertroll and I could not stop laughing. Link if anyone needs a smile.

So anyway, I spent more time on the computer yesterday then I should have, but I did make sure to baby myself. A few years ago after a beating like this one, I would have had to still make dinner and clean up the kitchen afterwards, so being able to take drugs and relax was almost like a vacation.

So I woke up this morning and just enough of the stiffness was gone that I felt like I could take a drive to the store and pick up some stuff for the house, priority being a new mirror for the bathroom, a few extra mirrors to keep around since they seem to be a good trick at the moment, and some food.

I don’t keep a mirror in my bedroom. And since the bathroom mirror was gone, I hadn’t actually looked at myself since before everything happened Friday night. So I took a shower and went into the spare bedroom to do something with my hair.

My entire right cheek is a giant purple black bruise. I know, I know, big surprise after getting the shit kicked out of me, but I’ve been focusing so much on my ribs and the bruises on the rest of my body that I haven’t been paying attention to my face. Yeah it was sore, but the rest is so much worse that I’ve been ignoring it.

When I was younger I used to wear make up. A lot of make up. I mean the super thick foundation that makes your skin feel like it’s been covered in layers of mud. I didn’t wear it to make myself look pretty or any normal reason a woman would wear make up. I wore it to try and cover up the bruises so that I could go to work without everyone asking me what happened. It didn’t always work, but sometimes an illusion of normalcy is all you can hang onto.

After I…removed myself from the situation, I threw out every bit of make up I owned. Even the stuff that had nothing to do with my bruises and really was just meant to make me feel pretty. I didn’t want to ever have any of that crap on my skin again. Well guess what? When I went out this morning I bought foundation. And that was when I started to feel...I don't know. Lost I guess is the best way to put it? I got home and have barely moved from the couch all day.

Wanna know what one of the worst parts about getting beaten is? Afterwards. After the beating is over and you have to go out and face the world. When people look at you and ask what happened. And when you tell them that you fell down the stairs or ran into a door, they look at you with this mixture of pity and contempt. And you can hear their thoughts. “Oh poor thing, she must be so beaten down, I would never let someone do that to me.” And all you are at that point is an object. Not a person, just an object for them to use, to make themselves feel so high and mighty by pitying the poor weak minded woman that lets a man push her around and telling themselves how much better they are then you because they’re strong enough to not let that happen and you’re not.

And I have to go and face that tomorrow. I have to go to work, with people that haven’t seen me come in with bruises on my face and a limp to my walk for years and when I give them whatever lame excuse I can come up with, instead of all the respect I had to fight to earn from them, they’ll think I’ve just gone back to being a willing punching bag.
It’s almost enough to make me wanna lay down and give up.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

I’m not crying. Not gonna let myself do that right now. Need to write everything down while it’s still fresh. Need to keep it as factual as possible, but I’m not feeling too logical right now. Need to just get all this down and then maybe I can break a part for a little bit.

Side Experiment 1

Objects Involved:

One humanoid abomination (from this point forth known as HA for the purposes of all experiments)

One common bathroom mirror

As far as I have been able to find, there have been no experiments thus far to determine whether or not mirrors have any ill effects on it. (Ava, if you’re reading this, could you use your amazing powers of research to double check me next time you have a minute free?) The most I have been able to come across is reports of people seeing its reflection in the mirror, but seeing nothing when they turn around. Going by a metaphysical stance, mirror magic has been around for hundreds, possibly thousands of years. One of the most commonly held ancient theories was that mirrors can reflect back negative energy.

The experiment began the night of Thursday January 27th, 2011 and crossed into the early morning of Friday January 28th 2011. I sat at my living room window on the first floor of the house, waiting to see if the HA would show up. At 3:03 AM EST, the HA appeared approximately three feet away from the window, in my direct line of sight. I find it very hard to concentrate when the HA is around. If I’m not staring at its not face, then I’m staring at those arms and legs, which often sends me into mild or worse hysterics.

After an undetermined amount of time passed, I became aware that I was still gripping the mirror. Without taking my eyes off of the HA, I held up the mirror to let the HA see its own reflection.

The HA began to twitch. Mild at first, small twitches of the head. The head gradually started twitching harder, with the spasms moving into the torso and limbs. As the twitching began to spread into its legs, something smacked into the window. I would love to say something intelligent like it broke my concentration and the HA got away, but I need to be as honest as possible. Fact is I screamed like a five year old and dropped the mirror on the carpet. When I looked back at the HA it was gone. Due to not being willing to take my eyes off the HA at that point I was not able to time how long the mirror experiment took, but I would guess no more than three minutes. Despite being unable to bring the experiment to a proper close, I still had a good enough result to consider it at least a partial success.

Waited till morning to check outside the window. I’ve watched so many horror movies in life that I was actually expecting to find a dead bird outside my window, but there was nothing to be found. I guess my life hasn’t become completely cliched yet. So whatever smacked the window vanished, either through the HA’s intervention or something else.

Attempted to recreate the results of the experiment on the night of Friday January 28th 2011. Wasn’t actually planning on doing anything tonight, but opportunity presented itself. Not sure how much I’m gonna hold it together while typing this next part. Sorry if it screws with the results at all, but I’m barely keeping it together as it is.

The HA appeared across the street from my house at 10:53 PM EST. I live very close to a major interstate highway, so my road is normally busy even at that time of night. Tonight however the street was empty.

I want to say before anyone else calls me on it, yes it was not the smartest thing I could have done. I admit to feeling overly confident. The success of the prior attempt along with the good news from Robert’s blog this morning had me riding a wave of confidence. And well, I’m walking dead at this point anyway. Might as well go down doing something useful.

So I grabbed the mirror, put on my boots, and went outside. The HA was still standing in the same spot. As I walked towards it, I held out the mirror. The HA moved its head around, I assume trying to avoid looking at the mirror, but as I got closer, it began to twitch in the same manner as the night before.

There has been a theory tossed around that the HA is not truly faceless. That we see it that way because that’s what it wants us to see or because that’s what our minds create. And mirrors are supposedly powerful when it comes to shattering illusions, like vampires not being able to cast reflections. So I spun around exposing my back to the HA and kept the mirror held up in order to see what its reflection would look like.

If you’re reading this blog, the chances of you having watched at least one of the vlogs about it are pretty good. You know that sound? The one that gets made whenever it or one of its minions show up on screen? Usually there’s a tear in the image and then that sound starts in, wrecking your eardrums. When I looked at it staring at itself in the mirror, I heard that fucking noise! It shot through my head and it hurt like an icepick being drilled into both my ears and it was coming from everywhere or maybe just inside my head I don’t know.

I think I screamed. I know I was trying to and it felt like something was coming out of my throat, but all I could hear was that noise. All I could think of was making it stop so I tried to cover my ears. The mirror hit the ground and I was kind of aware of it shattering, but when the mirror fell the noise stopped. I hit the ground knees first and realized that I didn’t know if it was still behind me.

I didn’t look. Instead I pushed off my knees and started to run towards my house. I got about three steps before I learned a very valuable lesson. If one is dumb enough to decide to confront the HA, one should at least not be dumb enough to leave her hair down.

I managed to turn my head just enough to see that the HA was still there and in its full tentacle glory. And that it was holding my hair by three of its tentacles oh gods oh goddesses it was in my hair it was holding my hair and brushing against my scalp it touched me and I can still feel it burning and the slime and the filth

Ok, took a few minutes quality time in the bathroom. This is really hard to think about so just gonna finish. So it had me by the hair and I was looking around trying to come up with some way to get out of this alive. I looked at the ground and saw where the mirror had shattered. I hit the ground and tried to grab one of the bigger pieces. The HA had a good grip on my hair so when I dropped down, it pulled my neck back pretty badly, but there was just enough give for me to land on the ground instead of getting my neck completely snapped. I managed to grab a pretty big shard. I was just hoping that I would be able to use it to cut off my hair before it could kill me. I rolled onto my back and was greeted with something hitting me hard in the stomach.

The HA was gone and there was a man standing over me. Didn’t get much of a look at his face since somewhere in all of this I had lost my glasses. Between my natural blindness and it being pretty dark, all I could tell was male with blond hair and beard. Oh yeah and the ability to hit like a Mack Truck. Whoever he was, he didn’t speak English, sounded like maybe Russian or something that sounds Russian, but I got the idea. Kay meet your first proxy. He finished up his greeting with a kick to my kidneys.

I’ve said before that I’m not a physical fighter. But because of prior experiences in my life, I actually had something going for me in this mess. I can take a hit like a pro and keep going. And I can make myself look done before I really am. You know, that helpless whimpering mass that someone delivering a beat down is looking for? I know how to make someone beating on you think that you’re there when you’ve actually got a little bit of energy left in you. So I curled up in a ball and sobbed and begged and eventually just whimpered and stopped moving. He used his body to pin me down. Started wrapping his hands around my neck. I don’t know if was gonna strangle me or snap my neck. And I didn’t give him time to let me figure it out.

I was still holding the shard of glass that I was going to chop my hair with. And I shoved it as hard as I could into his neck. Pulled it out and did it again. His hands pulled away from my throat and went to where I stabbed him. Collapsed on top of me. Blood all over the both of us. Pushed his body off me. Didn’t stop to check and see if he was dead. Has to be dead. So much blood. Wasn't moving. Managed to limp into the house.

And now I'm a killer. Can’t focus anymore. Gonna go fall apart.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

As requested

All right Tony, fair’s fair. All though my story doesn’t bring anything new to the table. If I was a real writer instead of a blogger I would probably accuse myself of plagiarism.

So a long long time ago or ya know, back in the 80’s, I lived in a haunted house. And I’m not just talking our skinny stalker, I mean legitimately haunted. Stomping footsteps coming from the attic in the middle of the night, the furniture in me and my little sister’s bedroom moving around the room by itself, the closet door that used to fling itself open despite us wedging it closed with a chair. My sister and I had the bedroom from hell. Even to this day, we tell people about how we had the literal monster in our closet. Which I always assumed when I was little that the monster in the closet was the same as the monster in the corner, but knowing what I know now, that might not exactly be the case.

Ok getting a head of myself. What actually pertains to the requested story is the monster in the corner. I feel so stupid sometimes for not making the connection until the faceless freak showed up here. But it always stood in the far corner of the bedroom where the shadows were the darkest. We never saw its face or rather the lack of. Me and my sis, we called it the Spiderman because we could see its arms and legs and they were too damn long for its body. That’s the part that bothers me even more than its face. Those limbs are just too long they shouldn’t be able hold up like that the length needs an extra joint but somehow it just-

Ok yeah enough of that before I type myself into a panic attack. I don’t remember whether it was me or her that started calling it the Spiderman, but we were both terrified of it. Gee I wonder if that might have anything to do with my arachnophobia issues? /Sarcasm

It never did anything to us, but we knew it was watching us, just standing in the corner of our bedroom and we would huddle in our beds. It usually waited until we fell asleep before showing up. We had bunk beds and I would wait until my parents said good night and shut the door before climbing down the side of the bed (they took the ladder away when they put us to bed. Always said it was because they didn’t want me climbing down to play when I was supposed to be sleeping, but I wonder…gonna think more on that later) I would climb into my sister’s bed, making her get towards the wall, putting my body in front of hers. I was the big sister and I had to protect her from the monster. It’s amazing how brave you can be when you’re little. I don’t know if I could put together that kind of courage as an adult.

So it was an almost nightly ritual where at some point in the night one of us would wake up, see it there, wake up the other, and we would huddle together in bed doing our best not to scream or cry. Eventually it would disappear, teleport out I suppose. I’d climb back into my bed, and we would pass out until morning. We did this for a few years. It disappeared gradually. Sightings went from nightly to weekly to nothing for months straight, to finally nothing at all.

Fast forward twenty some odd years into the future where I had a quiet day at work. Decided to be a naughty little wench and instead of finding some random filing to do, I went web browsing. Have you ever heard the phrase “TV Tropes will ruin your life”? Well I never realized it was going to be literal. Found their page on the faceless wonder and thought it was the greatest thing I had ever seen. Told multiple friends and family members about it, watched every video I could find. Didn’t get into the blogs back then.

So maybe two months after I started watching the videos, I got together with my younger brother and mentioned this stuff to him. He listened to me describe it and gave me a look like I was making a bad joke. “Kay, isn’t that the same as the monster that you and ------ (not typing my sister’s name here) saw when we were kids?” My brother never saw it, but he knew the two of us well enough to know that we hadn’t made that one up. I’m guessing I didn’t look too good for a minute there cause he made me sit down and got me a cup of water. And I’ll tell ya I didn’t feel too good either. I had never forgotten about the Spiderman, but I hadn’t connected it to freaky face either. After I stopped feeling like I might pass out I went home.

I saw it for the first time that night, well first time as an adult. Standing in my backyard as if it had always been there. I stared for a minute and the monster raised one of those disgusting too long arms at me and I knew it was making fun of me, saying hi remember me?

It’s only been going on here for about a month. And I spent the first few weeks going back and forth between denial and general nuttery. Not gonna get into that, you’ve all been there. It was about a week and a half ago that I started going to bed and waking up in other places. No proxies yet and I’m really not sure what I’m going to do if one shows up. I’m a witch not a warrior. Deal with it if it comes I suppose.

In other news, Experiment 1 began last night and I am feeling cautiously optimistic about it so far. I’ll need to get the same results for at least another four nights in a row before I can even tentatively call it a success, but as soon as I have some real results I’ll post them here. In the meantime, I’m going to perform a kind of side experiment. That’s one that is going to have one of three outcomes.

1. It works and causes some kind of damage.
2. It doesn’t work and I get away from it before it kills me.
3. It doesn’t work and this is my last blog post.

I gotta say, I wasn’t feeling this ballsy when I originally I conceived of doing this. Anything offensive was going to be last resort type deals. But the more I read Ava’s blog, the more I feel inspired. Like she said “If you’re already dead, what’s the worry?”

I do have one huge regret though. My brother who I mentioned earlier? Well he’s always been ballsy, especially when he shouldn’t. So when I told him about this he decided to go and try to find it himself. I don’t think he’s actually seen our special friend yet, but he’s been blogging his findings and was attacked by what he suspects is one of its toy terrorists. If I could take anything back it would be dragging him into this mess.

Shoulda woulda coulda, right? All I can do is what comes next. And you know what? I think I’m really starting to look forward to tonight’s experiment. Here’s hoping I’ll be able to tell you about it tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Some ramblings and Defense Part 2

I’m a mess right now. Was sitting at work, had five minutes of down time, and I make the mistake of checking the blogosphere. Saw what redlight did to Robert. Took everything I had not to start bawling at my desk. His was one of the first blogs I found and to see him reduced to this is heart breaking. Still I stand by what I said. Not gonna negotiate with terrorists. And really that’s all it’s toys are. The only difference I see is that some of the toys don’t have free will anymore. Those are the ones I feel for. As for the ones that help him by choice…well karma’s a bitch. What goes around comes around and if I don’t get the pleasure of being what comes around for them, then I hope I at least get the pleasure of seeing it.

Maybe I could have handled seeing that post better if I was sleeping. Our ever so special friend has taken to making me into it’s version of Barbie Girl at night. “Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please.” Well whatever it pleases has at several points involved me outside, barefoot and in my nightie or just a t-shirt. And before someone thinks woo hoo, keep in mind that it’s still winter and Jersey seems to be averaging one blizzard a week for the past two months.

So not sleeping much, while still trying to maintain my career. Not a good combo, but I haven’t screwed up bad enough to get fired yet and let’s face it, money doesn’t grow on trees. I need to fund these experiments, and if I need to start running, I need to make sure I’ve got something to draw on.

But enough of my whining. I promised Defense Part 2 and here it is. Much shorter then Part 1 and it really could have all been one part, but I only had enough time write up the first part before making the morning commute.

Defense Part 2

So I’ve got all these categories from Part 1. I don’t want to get too detailed with what I’m going to do with each category. After all, it’s toys do read these blogs. The element of surprise is one of the few things we have, so let’s not hand that over to it. In a broad spectrum however I plan on testing the following:

1. Area defense. If an item protects in a small area will it protect in a larger area?

2. Personal defense. Is an item capable of protecting a person from it touching them, like a cross to a vampire? If one person, then multiple?

3. Metaphysical defense. This thing loves to attack our dreams, teleport us, take over our bodies etc. Is there a way to block these things?

Like I said, I don’t want to get overly detailed yet. As I perform each experiment, I’ll give the details and whether or not it was successful. And the first one starts tonight. Wish me luck folks.

Defense Part 1

So what does a mildly OCD witch/bookkeeper do when faced with having to find a way to stay alive and sane while being stalked by a faceless hentai dream come true monstrosity? I make outlines. Plan this out step by step, take it from theory to (hopefully) reality.

I think a good start is a break down of defense strategies and offense strategies. I’m gonna start with defense first. Running tits first into a confrontation with this thing isn’t brave, just dumb. But if I manage to prove a way of keeping this thing from hurting me, I have a stronger chance of staying vertical when it is time to start testing offense. I'm also going to try and break this down as simple as possible. I have no idea how many magically inclined people might read this, but I'm gonna go with the assumption that most people who do read won't be familiar with the subject matter outside of having watched Charmed. Which is not recommended if you want to know what an actual witch does.


1.     Crystals/Minerals

I originally debated making these items separate categories, but really they’re the same damn things, just different states of being. This will also be the easiest one to start with since I have a fairly extensive crystal collection. Crystals/Minerals are probably the most common tool of the modern witch and a large amount of them have varying kinds of protective qualities.

2.     Herbs

A bit harder to work with since there isn’t exactly a friendly neighborhood apothecary for me to purchase from. I do however have a good online source I can purchase things from and by the time I finish playing with category 1, everything I order should have arrived. Herbs are another fairly common tool, but I suspect they will not be as strong a tool as the others here. But hey, maybe I’ll get proven wrong.

3.     Elements

Every person has one or more elements that resonate more strongly with them then others. I’m not going to get into Eastern vs. Western elements. For the sake of my experiments, we’ll be going with the base four, Fire, Water, Earth, Air. Most people have a primary and a secondary element, a very few have 3, and if you meet someone claiming to be all elements just call them Mary Sue and walk away. Any witch who knows his/her stuff can work with all four to varying degrees of success.

4.     Incantations/Energy Focus a.k.a Ritual or High Ritual

Once I start incanting, I’ll be going ritual on this thing.  Rituals should always involve the use of some if not all of the above categories. Therefore, I want the optimal mix of as many items as possible before even thinking about attempting this one.

I’ll try to post Defense Part 2 later today, tomorrow at the latest. Stay alive and stay sane folks.  

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

And here we go...

Quick post for my first one. I don't want to leave my eyes on the computer screen for too long. It's out there. I've seen it and before I first saw it, I was stupid enough to infect other people. They're still alive, who knows for how long.

I originally planned on not blogging. Didn't want to take the chance of infecting more people then I all ready have. But now I have a theory. And from reading some of the other blogs on here, yeah theories can get you killed, but theories are all we've got. And if by some bloody miracle my theory works, I want people to know it.

Ok so theory. Magic. And before people start laughing and calling BS, I'm not proposing to cast Magic Missile. But so far we know that guns don't work on this thing. As far as I've been able to research, neither do blunt and slicing weapons. So it's time to turn to something different. And well if a monster can exist and kill people, why can't magic stop it? It all seems to be about the power of belief

I've been a practicing witch for over a decade. Much like a priest called upon to perform an exocism, it's time to put my faith where my mouth is.

That's it for now. Gotta get some supplies, then I can start this experiment.