Saturday, January 29, 2011

I’m not crying. Not gonna let myself do that right now. Need to write everything down while it’s still fresh. Need to keep it as factual as possible, but I’m not feeling too logical right now. Need to just get all this down and then maybe I can break a part for a little bit.

Side Experiment 1

Objects Involved:

One humanoid abomination (from this point forth known as HA for the purposes of all experiments)

One common bathroom mirror

As far as I have been able to find, there have been no experiments thus far to determine whether or not mirrors have any ill effects on it. (Ava, if you’re reading this, could you use your amazing powers of research to double check me next time you have a minute free?) The most I have been able to come across is reports of people seeing its reflection in the mirror, but seeing nothing when they turn around. Going by a metaphysical stance, mirror magic has been around for hundreds, possibly thousands of years. One of the most commonly held ancient theories was that mirrors can reflect back negative energy.

The experiment began the night of Thursday January 27th, 2011 and crossed into the early morning of Friday January 28th 2011. I sat at my living room window on the first floor of the house, waiting to see if the HA would show up. At 3:03 AM EST, the HA appeared approximately three feet away from the window, in my direct line of sight. I find it very hard to concentrate when the HA is around. If I’m not staring at its not face, then I’m staring at those arms and legs, which often sends me into mild or worse hysterics.

After an undetermined amount of time passed, I became aware that I was still gripping the mirror. Without taking my eyes off of the HA, I held up the mirror to let the HA see its own reflection.

The HA began to twitch. Mild at first, small twitches of the head. The head gradually started twitching harder, with the spasms moving into the torso and limbs. As the twitching began to spread into its legs, something smacked into the window. I would love to say something intelligent like it broke my concentration and the HA got away, but I need to be as honest as possible. Fact is I screamed like a five year old and dropped the mirror on the carpet. When I looked back at the HA it was gone. Due to not being willing to take my eyes off the HA at that point I was not able to time how long the mirror experiment took, but I would guess no more than three minutes. Despite being unable to bring the experiment to a proper close, I still had a good enough result to consider it at least a partial success.

Waited till morning to check outside the window. I’ve watched so many horror movies in life that I was actually expecting to find a dead bird outside my window, but there was nothing to be found. I guess my life hasn’t become completely cliched yet. So whatever smacked the window vanished, either through the HA’s intervention or something else.

Attempted to recreate the results of the experiment on the night of Friday January 28th 2011. Wasn’t actually planning on doing anything tonight, but opportunity presented itself. Not sure how much I’m gonna hold it together while typing this next part. Sorry if it screws with the results at all, but I’m barely keeping it together as it is.

The HA appeared across the street from my house at 10:53 PM EST. I live very close to a major interstate highway, so my road is normally busy even at that time of night. Tonight however the street was empty.

I want to say before anyone else calls me on it, yes it was not the smartest thing I could have done. I admit to feeling overly confident. The success of the prior attempt along with the good news from Robert’s blog this morning had me riding a wave of confidence. And well, I’m walking dead at this point anyway. Might as well go down doing something useful.

So I grabbed the mirror, put on my boots, and went outside. The HA was still standing in the same spot. As I walked towards it, I held out the mirror. The HA moved its head around, I assume trying to avoid looking at the mirror, but as I got closer, it began to twitch in the same manner as the night before.

There has been a theory tossed around that the HA is not truly faceless. That we see it that way because that’s what it wants us to see or because that’s what our minds create. And mirrors are supposedly powerful when it comes to shattering illusions, like vampires not being able to cast reflections. So I spun around exposing my back to the HA and kept the mirror held up in order to see what its reflection would look like.

If you’re reading this blog, the chances of you having watched at least one of the vlogs about it are pretty good. You know that sound? The one that gets made whenever it or one of its minions show up on screen? Usually there’s a tear in the image and then that sound starts in, wrecking your eardrums. When I looked at it staring at itself in the mirror, I heard that fucking noise! It shot through my head and it hurt like an icepick being drilled into both my ears and it was coming from everywhere or maybe just inside my head I don’t know.

I think I screamed. I know I was trying to and it felt like something was coming out of my throat, but all I could hear was that noise. All I could think of was making it stop so I tried to cover my ears. The mirror hit the ground and I was kind of aware of it shattering, but when the mirror fell the noise stopped. I hit the ground knees first and realized that I didn’t know if it was still behind me.

I didn’t look. Instead I pushed off my knees and started to run towards my house. I got about three steps before I learned a very valuable lesson. If one is dumb enough to decide to confront the HA, one should at least not be dumb enough to leave her hair down.

I managed to turn my head just enough to see that the HA was still there and in its full tentacle glory. And that it was holding my hair by three of its tentacles oh gods oh goddesses it was in my hair it was holding my hair and brushing against my scalp it touched me and I can still feel it burning and the slime and the filth

Ok, took a few minutes quality time in the bathroom. This is really hard to think about so just gonna finish. So it had me by the hair and I was looking around trying to come up with some way to get out of this alive. I looked at the ground and saw where the mirror had shattered. I hit the ground and tried to grab one of the bigger pieces. The HA had a good grip on my hair so when I dropped down, it pulled my neck back pretty badly, but there was just enough give for me to land on the ground instead of getting my neck completely snapped. I managed to grab a pretty big shard. I was just hoping that I would be able to use it to cut off my hair before it could kill me. I rolled onto my back and was greeted with something hitting me hard in the stomach.

The HA was gone and there was a man standing over me. Didn’t get much of a look at his face since somewhere in all of this I had lost my glasses. Between my natural blindness and it being pretty dark, all I could tell was male with blond hair and beard. Oh yeah and the ability to hit like a Mack Truck. Whoever he was, he didn’t speak English, sounded like maybe Russian or something that sounds Russian, but I got the idea. Kay meet your first proxy. He finished up his greeting with a kick to my kidneys.

I’ve said before that I’m not a physical fighter. But because of prior experiences in my life, I actually had something going for me in this mess. I can take a hit like a pro and keep going. And I can make myself look done before I really am. You know, that helpless whimpering mass that someone delivering a beat down is looking for? I know how to make someone beating on you think that you’re there when you’ve actually got a little bit of energy left in you. So I curled up in a ball and sobbed and begged and eventually just whimpered and stopped moving. He used his body to pin me down. Started wrapping his hands around my neck. I don’t know if was gonna strangle me or snap my neck. And I didn’t give him time to let me figure it out.

I was still holding the shard of glass that I was going to chop my hair with. And I shoved it as hard as I could into his neck. Pulled it out and did it again. His hands pulled away from my throat and went to where I stabbed him. Collapsed on top of me. Blood all over the both of us. Pushed his body off me. Didn’t stop to check and see if he was dead. Has to be dead. So much blood. Wasn't moving. Managed to limp into the house.

And now I'm a killer. Can’t focus anymore. Gonna go fall apart.


  1. Jesus Christ, should have read this earlier. Damn but at least you know the mirror does something.

    You can't let yourself concentrate on what you just did, Kay. Y'gotta move on or you're gonna get stuck in the past and that's what kills people. It's gonna be hard to cope, I know, but you'll get used to it (as fucking bad as that sounds, it's true). What just happened was out of your control. If you had waited a second longer you would've probably been dead, so don't beat yourself up about this.

  2. I'm trying to. Hence why I've most of my day commenting on people's blogs when I know I should be in bed. Focus on other's people's hells instead of mine.

    Logically I know it was self defense and no court would ever convict me. I working very hard at getting the rest of my brain to pay attention to that logic.

  3. Yeah, distracting yourself is a good idea.

    I mean, let's be realistic here, eventually you're gonna stop and think about it. But when that happens you have to realize that you need to move on. It sounds heartless, but you have bigger problems to handle now that minions are coming for you. You're gonna have to be /extremely/ careful from now on. I suggest running, but it's up to you in the end.

    If you ever need to talk to someone about this, I'm here to listen. Can't say I'll give the best advice or comforting words, but at least you'll get it off your chest.

  4. Might take you up on that later. Not quite ready to handle it. If nothing else, I think I want my ribs to heal up some before I start crying again. I know I said I can take a hit like a pro, and that wasn't an exaggeration, but it's been a few years since I've had to. On the plus side I do seem to remember how to take shallow breaths without turning it into hyperventilating.

  5. Urgh, god, I'm sorry I'm only getting to this now X_x

    I have to agree with Tony on all counts though, it may sound terrible but you have to push past it. And I hope the pain and aches get better soon too.

    ....I'll steal the hotel hand mirror and try it next time I think, of course....

    It was pure self-defence. Do not be ripped to pieces over this.

  6. Just be careful with the hand mirror Ava. Tony tried a small mirror once and it did nothing. He threw out the idea that it's a size thing and that the larger the better.

    And yeah I'm working on it. I'm either gonna get past it or I won't. And I'm pretty damn stubborn.

  7. Anyone can learn to take a hit like a pro, but damn does it sting afterwords. Let yourself heal up and don't do anything stupid for a while (as in, don't do what Ava does, hehe). It's good that you're calming down.

  8. Denial is a wonderful thing. Spent yesterday stalking everyone else's blogs, spent this morning shopping for household essentials like a new bathroom mirror.

    Don't do what Ava it really bad that when my brother called to check up on me last night I joked to him that I wanna be like Ava when I grow up? Somehow I can't imagine her being anywhere near as much of a wuss I have in the past 48 hours. I look back at when I was her age and I thought I was ballsy for using a fake ID to go clubbing in NYC. Not so much now, hehe.

  9. Hey just because Ava is probably secretly a man with the set of balls she has, doesn't mean that you need to try and be like her. Not many people have that drive and you don't need to be like someone else to survive this. Smart, yes. Willing to risk everything to experiment with things, no.

  10. *grin* Well I don't necessarily want to be her. It's more that she obviously has what it takes for this kind of shit. I could think of worse people to admire.