It gets harder and harder to think of myself as being a part of other people. Every time I see it, every day I live like this just makes me feel more and more outside of everything, even the other bloggers. So I have to admit, I was hopeful about going out. That maybe for a little bit I could just feel something again, be a person, not a concept, not an abstract idea on a blog. That maybe Ryuu and Nick were right about still being able to be happy, to have a life that is real.
I was so fucking stupid. And I don't even know why I keep going anymore.
I can't talk about this right now.