Friday, April 1, 2011

This is probably the thirteenth or fifteenth time I've started trying to type this post. There's so much that has happened in the past week I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll go with the simplest parts first.

I'm hurt pretty bad, but it's nothing permanent. Exposure, dehydration, some malnutrition, blood loss, two cracked ribs, second degree burns, bruises, and cuts and punctures that don't need stitches. Whatever he was injecting me with and making me drink is mostly out of my system, but I'm not totally detoxed yet so if there's any spelling or grammar errors here I'll try to clean them up later. The blood tests came back with a fun cocktail of things that included Ketamine and Rohypnol. He kept telling me that it was for my own good, that he would rather not have to tie me down to make me stay still-

There's a lot of things in my life that I don't talk about. I don't want to talk about him, I don't want to remember him. But maybe to quote Cathy, "It's time to talk." I'll make a second post about that later though. For now I just want to deal with the past week, not the past few years.

So I left the house Friday night and went to my backyard. The proxy stood there with my goddaughter still pointing that knife at her. I put my hands out to show that they were empty and then a pair of arms came around from behind me. And oh fuck me, but I knew those arms. Until my favorite stalker came into my life, those arms belonged to the worst nightmare of my life.

My ex fiance, Tom Halloran, wrapped one arm around my chest and used the other one to wrap his hand around my throat.  "Hello Kitten. I've missed you."

I froze. I stopped being able to think and it was like the past three years of freedom has disapeared and I was back there again his pet his Kitten his property-

His hand stroked my throat and then tightened, not hard enough to stop me from breathing, but enough to make it difficult. "We have so much catching up to do." He moved his hand away from my throat and brought some kind of cloth up to my mouth. It smelled sweet and my vision started to blur. The last thing I saw before everything went dark was the monster reapearing and it, oh fuck it tore her head off of her body, my poor sweet Maggie my little baby girl I just keep hoping it didn't hurt that she wasn't able to feel it and that her and Jake don't hate me wherever their souls ended up.

I can't talk about what he did to me. I know that there's a lot of things I need to start talking about, but the things he did during the past week are not it. I think it's more then enough to tell you that he drugged me and he hurt me. I remember him putting a laptop in my hands at one point and telling me to let the world know what happens when you defy "The Great One" and I remember trying to tell him to fuck off but I couldn't make my tongue work right because there were so many drugs and I couldn't make my words work correctly I just slurred everything so I tried to type and I told him in my typing that how much I hated him and that he couldn't take away everything I had done without him and oh how he hated that! He hated that I made a good life after I left him and that he couldn't break me.

You hear that you fucking bastard? I know you're watching this blog and you did not fucking break me! I may be small and I may be weak but you didn't break me! My friends may have had to save me because I wasn’t strong enough to save myself, but you were not enough to break me you miserable piece of shit!

I was a reward. Tom said being able to play with me before it was time for me to be killed was his reward from his master. That he had been waiting for three years to have his chance to get back at me and his master had made it possible. Tom was a bastard before I left him, now he's worshipping a creature that turned him from a bastard into a monster. Tom spent a lot of time telling me about how that thing had opened his eyes, that he didn't need to be bound by society's morals anymore.

Apparently I was supposed to die today. That was the limit Tom said he been given, that our time would end today and I would go to "meet my fate at The Great One's feet." So here's to still being alive, eh?

So my rescue. I've seen a few people questioning the way I was rescued, the morality, the validity, and the sanity of it. My answer is I just don't know. The things that they say they did are incredible almost beyond belief, yet they got me out. I'm alive right now and I shouldn't be. Yes I'm a witch, but I've tried to make it very clear that I don't have any kind of extraordinary powers. I just wanted to try and use my beliefs the same way someone might use a cross against a vampire. However I do want to remind everyone that our faceless monstrosity does have the ability to cause group hallucinations like the revenants. So were their stories correct? I don't know and I don't really care. At the end of all of this, they risked their lives to save me. That makes them family in my book.

I do remember some things about the rescue. Like the scissors. I have very thick long curly hair. Said hair tends to get very very tangled if I'm not careful with it. So by the time I snagged them, my hair was pretty much one stiff solid mass of tangle that was made even stiffer by all the dried blood in it. I had waited for one of the times Tom left the room. I guess he figured I was too hurt and drugged at that point to move more then an inch or so. But he underestimated two things. How much I hated him and how much I was not going to let him give me to his master. So I managed to crawl off the cot, got a pair of scissors off of his "toy table", and with my hair being such a solid mass at that point when I shoved the scissors in there, they actually stayed put. Tom came back while I was still crawling back to the cot and he made sure I "paid for my disobedience", but it never occurred to him that I might have actually gotten a weapon. Even before skinny shit drove him mad, he never believed I was capable of doing anything that he didn't allow me to do. All I knew at that point was that I wasn’t going to let him have a chance to present me to it. That the next time he left the room, I was going to use those scissors to give myself the only escape that I thought was still possible.

That...morning, night, I have no concept of what time it was or how long I was there other then seeing the dates of my blog posts, Tom was giddy. Told me that people were being dumb enough to try and find me and that it would make the games so much more fun, that I needed to see more people die because of me. He grabbed me and I was so terrified he was going to grab my hair and drag me around with it, instead he wrapped his arm around my waist and just kind of let me dangle there while he faced the door and held his knife up to my throat, waiting for whoever my mysterious rescuers were.

I laughed a little when they came crashing in from behind us. I didn't have enough to energy to actually make any noise, but them getting around the trap was so perfect. So much for his big preparations. I managed to take a look at who was there and I had no idea who they were, I just knew that they looked so young and these two kids could not be allowed to die for me, no one else was going to die because of me damn it!

I pulled the scissors out from my hair and my laughing turned into crying as I shoved them as hard as I could into his arm. He dropped me on the floor and the guy that I later found out was Sage went at him. The girl that I later found out was Hakurei came over to me. She says she healed me a little bit and again I don't know. I remember panicking when she first came over to me. Logically I knew that whoever she was, she was there to help, but for just a minute I forgot and thought she was going to hurt me-

I remember being terrified that if I didn't make myself start moving I was going to lose any chance I had of getting out of there. I was so drugged up and in so much pain that for a minute I couldn't get my legs to move and when they did start working I was so excited I wanted to shout but I couldn't even catch my breath enough to say thank you when she helped me up and got me on her back.

The rest is just a blur. Hakurei says I spent most of it passed out and I believe her. I have little snippets of memory here and there of us moving through these dark hallways and hearing whimpers and moans but I didn't know if I was the one making them and I remember having blankets tucked around me and a hand stroking my hair and my forehead and a voice saying its ok, you're safe now and it just felt so good to be warm and have a hand touch me that wasn't going to cut me and I believed that voice I really was safe.

Sorry about your coat Hakurei. I'll buy you a new one when the doctors lets me go home which right now looks like it might Sunday.

Thank you both. So much.

Noland apology accepted. We can talk later if you want. I saw the comments you guys left for me and I love you all so much. Except for the fake redlight and the evil zombie proxy who randomly started commenting here.

I'm really tired and I'm still hurting pretty bad. I'm gonna close my eyes for a little bit.


  1. Glad you're okay, Kay. They just love using our pasts against us, don't they? Well, get some rest. I guess that's redundant to say, seeing as you said you were going to close your eyes for a bit. But it's a good idea nonetheless. Rambling again. Sorry.

  2. Well okay, you're good. I can stop holding my breath. :) Glad to have you back.

    And man emoticons are just not my thing.

  3. Oh god, I wish I had been able to help. I want to kill that ex-bastard for what he did to you and then how he gave up the kids

    I'm sorry. Right now I'm so relieved that you're better and talking and my hands are shaking. I'm going to take a moment to compose myself. Kay- Kay I was so worried because everyone has been in so much trouble and you're my /best friend/...I wish I could hug you right now.

  4. How 'bout this, Cathy: I'll give her that hug for you. =)

    Kay, you don't owe me a thing. If I'd had any modicum of intelligence that day, I would've put my coat ON you.

  5. Kay, thank god you are alive. I owe a great amount of thanks to Hakurei and Sage for saving you. I wish I could've dropped everything to come see you, I even wish I could've gone with them to help. I understand why they didn't want me to come along. I promise, as soon as you're home, I'm coming to visit. Afterall, I have to share with you my current little situation.


  6. I'm just glad everyone's intact. That's what matters.

  7. I'm glad everything worked out for you decently enough. At the time, I had been keeping track of this event through Hakurei's blog for the most part... that had been during my "silent" time.

    Have no doubt that Hakurei is a Healer. I will swear my life on it.

    Stay safe. I'm catching up to the present...