My mother called me today. Wants to know why I won’t come over for Easter dinner. Called bullshit when I said well it’s not my holiday. Pointed out that it’s never stopped me from coming over before. I bullshitted her some more, practically hung up on her. And I realized that if I want to try and keep her safe, I am never going to see my mother again. And then I had a few drinks and that made me think about what other things I am probably not going to live long enough to see or do.

Become a mother

The Doctor Who  50^th anniversary

The final book of The Wheel of Time

The new Dark Tower Novel

Kingdom Hearts 3

The next Presidential election

The end of the recession

My dinner date with Cathy

My 31^st birthday

Big day tomorrow. Two weeks, right Tom?

Let’s go.

My attempt at analysis

Ok got the pictures scanned and brought them home on a flash drive. They charge way too much gods be damned money to scan things at Staples, but at least I got it done. Some of them are still going to be hard to see since they’re pencil drawings but here they are. I still don't understand what they mean, but here's what I know so far.

1. The first one is a woman standing in a bedroom. She appears to be holding a diamond or some other kind of gem in her hand. The word "Warned" is written to the left of her.

2. Next we have what appears to be the same woman holding a handful of dirt. The words "Do Not" appear, then a close up of the hand with the dirt starting to slip through the woman's fingers. Finally a close up of her face with...something reflected in her glasses and the words "Do You See" are written under her right eye.

3a. This almost appears to be an Operator symbol. It's a drawn circle, with a cross cut out through it instead of an X.

 

 3b. But then we get to the other side of the page where there are some kind of...worms with teeth and limbs?

 4. The fourth page shows the woman running from one of the worm things. There is another cut out to the left of the creature, this time creating a rectangle shape.

 

5. This one is almost definitely Zero's Bleeding Tree. There are two bodies hanging in the branches. A figure, most likely the woman again, stands at the bottom of the page, facing towards the tree. The word "End" is to the right of her.

I still have no idea what to think. But my question still stands. Remnant, how the hell do you know where I live? And we'll add a second question to this post. Since you have made a point of discovering my location, are you planning on adding my arm to your collection?

What is this? Just what is this? No not even what, how is this? How is this possible? How am I supposed to even try to handle this right now?

Can't stop crying. Trying very hard to not become hysterical. Way too easy to fall across that line these days and damn it I cannot deal with any of this if I cannot stop crying and screaming, but how am I supposed to deal with this at all?

Ok breathe in, breathe out. One step at a time. Alcohol helps too. Can't let myself get drunk, but a shot to calm the nerves doesn't hurt right? Ok here goes, try to explain this.

A package came for me a few hours ago. Well it would probably be more exact to say that there was a knock on my door and when I went to the window there was no one there. I went to the door while holding one of my good knives from the kitchen and found an envelope sitting on my front stairs.

The envelope had no return address, and the postmark was from somewhere in Texas, but my name and address were very clearly written on the front.  I took pictures just in case things somehow disappear since we all know that never happens to anyone in our line of misery.

This is the back of the envelope. The front can stay hidden since the internet does not need my address.

There were five pieces of paper inside the envelope. Five drawings to be more precise. Well the third one was on the front and back of the page so six drawings I suppose.


1.

2.

3a.

3b.

4.

5.

I know the picture quality isn't the greatest, but I don't have a scanner. I don't really want to leave the house, but I'll see about going down to the public library to use the scanner there tomorrow.

I have no idea where these came from or why I am getting them. I don't understand what the hell they are supposed to represent. I do however know one thing. I know the drawing style.

I'm going do to my best to stay calm. It's hard for me lately to not scream and shriek at the slightest thing that comes my way. But I really am going to try and stay calm. I can't promise I won't cry, but I will at least try to not flip my shit like I have done with others recently.

Let's start with a very simple question. Remnant. Yes I think I will use Remnant since that is how we first spoke.

Remnant, how did you find out where I live?

My world shrinks further and further

I left the house today for the first time in days. My original intention was just to do some grocery shopping. As much as I don’t want to go anywhere lately, a girl can only live on ramen noodles for so long. But before I actually made it to the store before I knew it, I was driving to my job. My former job.

I resigned today. After almost seven years I quit my job. It’s the right decision, I know it is. I can’t go back to work after all this. I can’t even see my own shadow right now without jumping to hide behind a piece of furniture. And I was a fool to even try to for these past few months. Who the hell can maintain a normal life like this? I should have started running the second I realized this was real. Maybe then they wouldn’t be dead.

I think my boss was relieved that I he didn’t have to fire me. We talked about all the times I’ve called out in the past few months, the multiple personal reasons I couldn’t share with him. At this point he thinks it’s all to do with the ex, is properly sympathetic and horrified that I’ve been stalked and hurt, but at the same point, I can see it. That look in his eyes of relief that I am about to no longer be his problem. 

We worked out a nice little package for me. I get to keep my medical benefits and salary for the next six months in exchange for signing a silly paper stating that I was not in any way shape or form coerced or pressured to leave because of my current “personal difficulties.” Months of terror, stalking, and murder from both natural and supernatural forces summed up with the words "personal difficulties". 

I can understand it though. Between my “changing behavior”, the habitual absences, and the now nearly constant presence of the police who suspect Tom might show up there, I’ve become a detriment instead of an asset. The only reason they didn’t let me go was because how would it look to fire a woman who had been stalked, kidnapped and etc.?

So there goes another piece of me. Since all this started I’ve had to give up my friends, my sleep, a good chunk of my sanity, and now my job. I may not have taken advantage of things as much as I should have, but I had it pretty good. I didn’t go out enough, but I had good friends. I wasn’t rich, but I made enough money to live comfortably. 

Perhaps I’m being ungrateful. I found some very special people in the past few months. But I can’t help it. 

I want my life back.

Oh you rotten bastard. Think you’re going to intimidate me? Your little games don’t work anymore. Got your little love letter, baby. It was just so precious for you to leave that picture of me on the front door. I had no idea you took pictures of our special time together. You think seeing myself like that scares me at this point?

I don’t know what ever made me fear you. You really are pathetic. I’m 5’2” tall and weigh less then you bench press. Being able to beat me up doesn’t make you strong.  It just makes you a bitch. Teaming up with the faceless wonder? That makes you even less than that.

I told you, not scared of you anymore. See that’s the problem when you do your worst to someone, Tommy. There’s nothing left to be afraid of.

You bang on my door, call my phone whispering my name. But you're too much of a coward to come while I'm armed and awake.  The only time you can be near a woman is when you think you have an advantage over her. But you have nothing over me. Never again.

So come on then lover boy. You and me.  Let’s dance.

Not going home today after all, but they’ve promised me that it’ll be tomorrow. I’ve managed to talk with my boss and I’m out on medical leave for the next two weeks. Last week, well I’m not sure what its being covered under, but my boss promised me that being kidnapped will not be subtracted from my vacation days.

The cops from my area finally found out I was here and came to talk to me yesterday. I’ve told them a watered down version of the truth, namely that my ex kidnapped me. Sage had claimed that they found someone beating me up in alley, I just pretended that he had taken me there after  everything else that had happened. My godchildren’s bodies were found near my house, and if I wasn’t in my current condition, I would probably have been arrested. As it stands, my ex is now wanted for what happened to me and is the main suspect in my godchildren’s murders. I know that they’re not gonna find him and it’s useless to even hope, but still it would be nice if they caught him instead of him staying in whatever hole he crawled back into until he’s ready to come at me again.

I have a story to tell and it’s going to be the first time I’ve ever told it other than bare bones details. The few times I’ve had to talk about it, I’ve said as little as possible. We were engaged, he beat me, and I left him. Never thought I needed to say more, but I guess I’ve been rather like an ostrich. Didn’t want to think about him, so I refused to acknowledge all the little clues I had in the past two months that not only was he coming for me, but that he was working for the monster. Denial is a very powerful thing, and I have been full of it. So time to try and put this whole mess down on paper. Or in this case the internet. 

Seven years ago, I was a pretty normal person. A little shy and geeky, but not enough to impede having a social life, in fact the opposite really. I was at friends’ houses for parties or just general hang outs every weekend, large circle of hang out friends, smaller circle of close to my heart friends.  All in all a fairly normal 23 year woman, although my self-esteem was a little low and my shyness made it hard for me to date. 

I met Tom by accident. I was at the grocery store and he accidentally bumped his cart into mine. We started talking, he asked for my phone number and it went from there.  I was beyond flattered.  I’m not an unattractive woman, but I’ve never been the kind of woman that men go out of their way to talk to. We started dating and everything was…not ok for the first six months, but not bad enough for me to realize what it was going to become. He was always controlling, but I never really realized it. If he told me he didn’t want me to wear a certain outfit because of the way I looked in it, I thought it was just because he was jealous. Silly me, huh?

The bad stuff started after we moved in together. Small at first, him screaming at me if the house wasn’t cleaned exactly the way he wanted it, or if dinner was five minutes late because he worked hard all day and why did he have to come home to this?  I worked all day too, but that didn’t matter.  As far as he was concerned it was more important that everything be perfect when he got home.  

I can’t even describe how easily it can get into your head, the idea that everything you do is wrong,that you deserve what is happening. Most people love to hold their heads up high and talk about how they would never let someone manipulate them like that. But I didn’t even realize it was happening. It started so small that by the time he actually hit me, I really did believe I deserved it.

We were together for four years. In that time I went from a fairly well-adjusted woman with a fun life to a terrified victim who could barely speak above a whisper for fear of saying something wrong.  And I wasn’t smart enough or brave enough to leave him on my own. 

My friend came over with my goddaughter. She was only three at the time. We had gone into the kitchen to get some food and left Maggie with Tom.  I didn’t think anything of it until we heard a crack and Maggie screamed. 

I don’t even know why he hit her. He should have realized that other people wouldn’t just stand there like me. Her mother took one look at the red mark on her girls face and flipped out. Was threatening to call the police, threatening to gut him, you name it. I convinced her to take Maggie and leave. He was furious at me. How dare I let my friend speak to him like that? Why wasn’t I loyal to him? Everyone question punctuated with another kick or punch. 

At the end of it he told me to clean up the “god damned mess” and went to bed. I lay on the floor for a while. And I thought about what would happen if we had children. I had always assumed that his beatings were just for me because I wasn’t good enough. I got up and looked at my engagement ring. There was blood smeared on the diamond. I took it off and I left the apartment. I had nothing, literally. The bank accounts were in his name, the cars, everything. I went to my grandmother’s house and she took me in, gave me a chance to start over.  And I spent the last three years trying to take my life back. When he wouldn’t leave me alone I got a restraining order against him. I hadn’t heard from him at all after that. Well until all this. 

Something that he made sure I knew was that everything he was doing to me last week was revenge for having the nerve to leave him. For humiliating him in front of his friends and family. For getting the restraining order. 

I almost pity him. He was a fucking asshole, but our favorite stalker has warped him into something else. Now he’s just a big of a monster as his master. However, pity isn’t going to stop what I have to say next.

I want you dead. I would have been completely content with spending the rest of my life without seeing you again. But you chose to ally with that monster. You gave my godkids to that thing. And you know what you did to me. So I’m done being your victim. Come near me again and see what happens. 

Anyone that even thinks about coming after me and mine again…try it and see. I’m done being anyone’s victim.

This is probably the thirteenth or fifteenth time I've started trying to type this post. There's so much that has happened in the past week I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll go with the simplest parts first.

I'm hurt pretty bad, but it's nothing permanent. Exposure, dehydration, some malnutrition, blood loss, two cracked ribs, second degree burns, bruises, and cuts and punctures that don't need stitches. Whatever he was injecting me with and making me drink is mostly out of my system, but I'm not totally detoxed yet so if there's any spelling or grammar errors here I'll try to clean them up later. The blood tests came back with a fun cocktail of things that included Ketamine and Rohypnol. He kept telling me that it was for my own good, that he would rather not have to tie me down to make me stay still-

There's a lot of things in my life that I don't talk about. I don't want to talk about him, I don't want to remember him. But maybe to quote Cathy, "It's time to talk." I'll make a second post about that later though. For now I just want to deal with the past week, not the past few years.

So I left the house Friday night and went to my backyard. The proxy stood there with my goddaughter still pointing that knife at her. I put my hands out to show that they were empty and then a pair of arms came around from behind me. And oh fuck me, but I knew those arms. Until my favorite stalker came into my life, those arms belonged to the worst nightmare of my life.

My ex fiance, Tom Halloran, wrapped one arm around my chest and used the other one to wrap his hand around my throat.  "Hello Kitten. I've missed you."

I froze. I stopped being able to think and it was like the past three years of freedom has disapeared and I was back there again his pet his Kitten his property-

His hand stroked my throat and then tightened, not hard enough to stop me from breathing, but enough to make it difficult. "We have so much catching up to do." He moved his hand away from my throat and brought some kind of cloth up to my mouth. It smelled sweet and my vision started to blur. The last thing I saw before everything went dark was the monster reapearing and it, oh fuck it tore her head off of her body, my poor sweet Maggie my little baby girl I just keep hoping it didn't hurt that she wasn't able to feel it and that her and Jake don't hate me wherever their souls ended up.

I can't talk about what he did to me. I know that there's a lot of things I need to start talking about, but the things he did during the past week are not it. I think it's more then enough to tell you that he drugged me and he hurt me. I remember him putting a laptop in my hands at one point and telling me to let the world know what happens when you defy "The Great One" and I remember trying to tell him to fuck off but I couldn't make my tongue work right because there were so many drugs and I couldn't make my words work correctly I just slurred everything so I tried to type and I told him in my typing that how much I hated him and that he couldn't take away everything I had done without him and oh how he hated that! He hated that I made a good life after I left him and that he couldn't break me.

You hear that you fucking bastard? I know you're watching this blog and you did not fucking break me! I may be small and I may be weak but you didn't break me! My friends may have had to save me because I wasn’t strong enough to save myself, but you were not enough to break me you miserable piece of shit!

I was a reward. Tom said being able to play with me before it was time for me to be killed was his reward from his master. That he had been waiting for three years to have his chance to get back at me and his master had made it possible. Tom was a bastard before I left him, now he's worshipping a creature that turned him from a bastard into a monster. Tom spent a lot of time telling me about how that thing had opened his eyes, that he didn't need to be bound by society's morals anymore.

Apparently I was supposed to die today. That was the limit Tom said he been given, that our time would end today and I would go to "meet my fate at The Great One's feet." So here's to still being alive, eh?

So my rescue. I've seen a few people questioning the way I was rescued, the morality, the validity, and the sanity of it. My answer is I just don't know. The things that they say they did are incredible almost beyond belief, yet they got me out. I'm alive right now and I shouldn't be. Yes I'm a witch, but I've tried to make it very clear that I don't have any kind of extraordinary powers. I just wanted to try and use my beliefs the same way someone might use a cross against a vampire. However I do want to remind everyone that our faceless monstrosity does have the ability to cause group hallucinations like the revenants. So were their stories correct? I don't know and I don't really care. At the end of all of this, they risked their lives to save me. That makes them family in my book.

I do remember some things about the rescue. Like the scissors. I have very thick long curly hair. Said hair tends to get very very tangled if I'm not careful with it. So by the time I snagged them, my hair was pretty much one stiff solid mass of tangle that was made even stiffer by all the dried blood in it. I had waited for one of the times Tom left the room. I guess he figured I was too hurt and drugged at that point to move more then an inch or so. But he underestimated two things. How much I hated him and how much I was not going to let him give me to his master. So I managed to crawl off the cot, got a pair of scissors off of his "toy table", and with my hair being such a solid mass at that point when I shoved the scissors in there, they actually stayed put. Tom came back while I was still crawling back to the cot and he made sure I "paid for my disobedience", but it never occurred to him that I might have actually gotten a weapon. Even before skinny shit drove him mad, he never believed I was capable of doing anything that he didn't allow me to do. All I knew at that point was that I wasn’t going to let him have a chance to present me to it. That the next time he left the room, I was going to use those scissors to give myself the only escape that I thought was still possible.

That...morning, night, I have no concept of what time it was or how long I was there other then seeing the dates of my blog posts, Tom was giddy. Told me that people were being dumb enough to try and find me and that it would make the games so much more fun, that I needed to see more people die because of me. He grabbed me and I was so terrified he was going to grab my hair and drag me around with it, instead he wrapped his arm around my waist and just kind of let me dangle there while he faced the door and held his knife up to my throat, waiting for whoever my mysterious rescuers were.

I laughed a little when they came crashing in from behind us. I didn't have enough to energy to actually make any noise, but them getting around the trap was so perfect. So much for his big preparations. I managed to take a look at who was there and I had no idea who they were, I just knew that they looked so young and these two kids could not be allowed to die for me, no one else was going to die because of me damn it!

I pulled the scissors out from my hair and my laughing turned into crying as I shoved them as hard as I could into his arm. He dropped me on the floor and the guy that I later found out was Sage went at him. The girl that I later found out was Hakurei came over to me. She says she healed me a little bit and again I don't know. I remember panicking when she first came over to me. Logically I knew that whoever she was, she was there to help, but for just a minute I forgot and thought she was going to hurt me-

I remember being terrified that if I didn't make myself start moving I was going to lose any chance I had of getting out of there. I was so drugged up and in so much pain that for a minute I couldn't get my legs to move and when they did start working I was so excited I wanted to shout but I couldn't even catch my breath enough to say thank you when she helped me up and got me on her back.

The rest is just a blur. Hakurei says I spent most of it passed out and I believe her. I have little snippets of memory here and there of us moving through these dark hallways and hearing whimpers and moans but I didn't know if I was the one making them and I remember having blankets tucked around me and a hand stroking my hair and my forehead and a voice saying its ok, you're safe now and it just felt so good to be warm and have a hand touch me that wasn't going to cut me and I believed that voice I really was safe.

Sorry about your coat Hakurei. I'll buy you a new one when the doctors lets me go home which right now looks like it might Sunday.

Thank you both. So much.

Noland apology accepted. We can talk later if you want. I saw the comments you guys left for me and I love you all so much. Except for the fake redlight and the evil zombie proxy who randomly started commenting here.

I'm really tired and I'm still hurting pretty bad. I'm gonna close my eyes for a little bit.