Monday, March 14, 2011

Damn it!

This has got to stop I can’t keep doing this why does there have be so much happening at the same time it’s like a bloody cliché out of a bad fanfiction! My brother and faceless and my ex but I don’t even know if it’s my ex I just want to sleep and not be scared and not see it make it go away please someone make it go away and it’s too much damn it how is anyone supposed to take this much at once? I’m just a bookkeeper, not an Amazonian heroine or a Valkyrie warrior I’m not a fighter I’m barely a survivor I am nothing I am nobody so why is this happening to me why won’t it stop?

Mental note. Pounding one’s fist into one’s desk until it bleeds should be done after I leave work for the day, not before I go in. My hand hurts like crazy, but it’s my lunch break now and I want to get this down before the details start to fade.

I woke up at about five am. My phone was ringing which set off emergency alarms in my head. After all who calls at five in the morning if it’s not an emergency, right? So I picked it up. Kind of glanced at the caller id, but it must have been on the fritz because it was just a jumble of letters and symbols.  

I picked up the phone and at first there was just silence. I said hello several times with no response. Just before I was going to hang up, a voice started to speak. A very harsh croaking whisper. And it was chanting my name. My full first name not my nickname. Kaylin. Over and over, Kaylin, Kaylin, Kaylin. And then a second voice joined the chanting. But it was the same voice. I don’t know how but it the same voice speaking at the same time saying two different things. And this one was chanting Kitten. Which was what my ex always called me. Kaylin Kitten. His Kitten. But it wasn’t his voice. This voice was…the only word I can think of that describes it decently is demonic.  

A third voice joined the chanting. Same as the other two and how does that happen three people can’t have the exact same voice it had to be one person but how can one person say three different things at one time and I just want this to stop!

My break is almost over, so I need to hurry this up. The third voice didn’t use a name, proper or otherwise. Instead it chanted the word die. The three of them chanting Kaylin Kitten Die the words chasing each other overlapping and then all three voices chanting die. Over and over die, die, die. And then somehow it wasn’t three voices anymore it was one voice and it was still the same voice and it was still telling me to die and how was it the same voice?

Damn it’s going to take way too much time to go back and retype the hysterical parts but I will make these last paragraphs coherent if it kills me.

The call ended. It went silent and then dial tone. I’m not sure why I didn’t hang up before then. I should have. But I felt frozen. Not anything metaphysical. I just couldn’t make myself move.

Forever ago when I was a little girl, my parents made me go to bible study. While I no longer hold to that system of belief, I haven’t forgotten most of it. And the one thing that keeps coming back to my mind when I’m thinking about those voices is this quote: "My name is Legion: for we are many.”


  1. Okay. I'm willing to bet Faceless Fuck has something to do with this.

  2. Take heart. In the original bible verses, Legion was one tough cookie who, when confronted by Jesus Christ, ran around and did all kinds of flips and impossible feats of power, magical and physical. And you know what happened after Legion demonstrated that he was the toughest thing to ever face this world?

    Jesus picked up his staff, walked over to Legion, and gave him one good thwack on the forehead. Legion was immediately killed. Just like that. No warm up, no second chances, knocked out in the first round by one good hit.

    Do some rituals. Clear your house of the negative energy. Jesus wasn't a fighter, and neither are you, but I'm going to bet you can handle this. People need you Kay. And you're not alone. Just hold on. The Dawn will always break through the night. Heroes rise from the strangest places, and you won't have to do this on your own forever. You've got to hold out.

  3. rituals? negative energy?... I'm religious too but that is kind of.. inaccurately...

    Fear, the first weapon of all, the second most powerful force in the existence. That is what your are facing right now, so what you need is just to calm down, cool your mind and pray,pray every time you fill danger, paranoia, Fear...

    But warning, is a double edge sword if you don't actually believe in your own words...

  4. Sorry for taking so long to respond guys, my hand is seriously killing me.

    @Yggy Well considering that to my knowledge I don't have any other supernatural malevolent presences that want me dead, I'm inclined to agree with you.

    @Sage That's a good idea. I usually prefer to do a purge on the full moon though, which I think is this Saturday. So as much as it might soothe me now, it will probably be more successful if I wait a few days.

    @Keiken I prefer rituals myself. But that is a matter of one's personal belief system.

  5. rituals can be a two edge swords too...
    (And by God sake, pentagrams are not good for this XD)

  6. some people actually think circled downed pentagrams are good in this situations....

  7. Your opinion would be that they don't work. I personally have been using pentagrams as well as other symbols for years in my personal practices. I would request that if you have anything against them to please vacate my blog now.

    Also what the bloody hell does "circled downed" mean? Am I correct in assuming that English is not your first language?

  8. no it isn't, then I may go now... (you have the star figure with a point going up, then just make it point down and then circle the entire figure, that thing can open some doors, the problem is that you never know what can pass those doors... dam, forgive my English XD [They do work, just not always as you think they work..])

    Still, I will be praying for you, I will pray for your valor and strength n_n...

    If you see Him, don't let Winged know you feel Fear, or else he will continue. Is in this situation when you need to pray, it give some calm to nerves, and keep you like out of trance, letting him take advantage..

  9. The nerve of some people. You know what you're doing, Kay. Don't let anybody say otherwise. ~_^

  10. Aloha. Just thought I'd stick my two cents in.
    Jesus didn't kill Legion with a stick to the head. In Matthew 8:28-34 They begged him to send them into a herd of swine. Jesus told them simply to, "Go." They entered the swine and ran off a cliff, which is how they died. Not only because Jesus had no fear of them, but also because he had divine authority to cast them out.

    Also, it's ironic how Jesus' name is used, and immediately afterwards encouragement towards paganistic rituals. (1 Corinthians 10:20 - No, but the sacrifices of pagans are offered to demons, not to God, and I do not want you to be participants with demons.)

    Paganistic rituals do more harm than good. If it isn't tall, dark, and faceless, it'll be something just as bad. But, I doubt what I say will matter much anyway. How's about following M's rules?

    I'd advise not trusting half of what people say and find out for yourself what works. You're in this alone if you rely on the power of false rituals. No amount of purging will ever stop him.

  11. -_- Jumping Jesus Christ on Crutches. The Fearless Fundies have arrived. Fella, I might be a potentially insane mystic who can't prove any of the crazy stuff he knows worth a damn, but at least I'm not a hypocrite. Your rituals aren't any better than hers. In fact, based on the terrible deeds the Church has performed over the years, I'd say yours are worse. although, I'll say this much, your bible study is better than mine.

    Ignore these jokers, Kay. They're just doing the usual Fearless Fundie routine. You can't even escape it when you're fighting to survive THIS mess. @_@

  12. -blinks- are you freaking kidding me?

    good lord, people, i think we all have better things to do than argue about who's religion is right. y'know, considering we're all running for our lives here.

    it happens to be that i and many others have a great deal of respect for Kay and what she is doing. until you can claim to have ANY understanding of how ritual magick works (apart from what you've been told by biased propaganda), then you can just keep your damn mouth shut. i may not be pagan, but i respect their way of life and their beliefs a hell of a lot more than i respect the beliefs of your average christian.

    appologies for the rant, Kay, but this is a sore spot in my life.

    blessed be.

  13. ... I'm sorry if I actually disturbed somebody, not my intention u_U

    indeed, the church had made many mistakes.. and I don't doubt it will again, but that shouldn't interfere with individual believing, no?

    @Hakurei Ryuu
    ..My grand-grandfather was a pagan, he actually set some curses and stuff like that, I know because of that and my grandmother teachings (she is extremely catholic that had lived some miracles) what I'm not suppose to do, and how things work in the other side, plane, or whatever it is named in English (sort of, as human I'm not suppose to see some things) :s


    If I disturb somebody then I will just stop posting here, I don't wish to frustrate anyone..

    ..But you cant deny my petition to pray for you :P
    Farewell, hope you do well n_n

  14. @Keiken: well, my rant was more directed at Hospitaller than at you. and, like i said, this conflict is something of a sore spot with me, particularly since it doesn't HAVE to be. >.<

    but yeah. appologies if you meant nothing of the sort.

  15. @Hospitller

    You can lecture to her about your god when your god sees fit to save us all from this creature.

  16. *blinks*

    I had a very long day at work, I will probably have a very long night, and I come home to this?

    @keiken At this point, it seems to me that any offense you might have given is the more the result of having trouble expressing what you want to in English rather then any sort of malicious intent. I hope that you gain a better understanding that way we may try to speak of these things again under better circumstances.

    @Slice I've been contemplating the same thing dear. And now is NOT the best time for it. Email me.

    @Hospitaller You are right about one thing and one thing only. What you say does not matter.

    @Everyone Else I appreciate all of you that that commented in defense of myself and my beliefs. Now let's stop giving the troll the attention it is craving, shall we? We have much important things to worry about, such as staying alive, keeping our sanity, etc.

  17. Never did I mean to offend you or anyone. Forgive me if I ruffled some feathers. I simply say what I believe. I'm not here to proselytize. But, I will come to the defense of my Lord whenever the Word is taken out of context.

    Good Luck, Kay.

  18. @Eric
    ...(dam, I'm not suppose to speak now :P)

  19. For Hospitaller:

    An insincere apology means nothing, Hospitaller. You come here, deliberately insult my beliefs, and then try to claim no offense meant? Your false apology is NOT accepted.

    You know, I like your god. I like Jesus Christ. Just because their path was not the right one for me to follow doesn't mean I can't respect them and the good things they stand for. However people like you, bigots that are responsible for the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the Westboro Baptist Church are the kind of monsters that have made Christians a joke in today's world. People like you make the good Christians like my family look bad.

    Now get the hell off of my blog. Any comment you make from this point forward will be deleted the instant I see it. I had thought about deleting your other two comments, but I'll let them stand. People should know what a liar looks like.

  20. waaaa, dont remind me my church's mistakes so ligthly.. T-T

    btw, there are differnce between catholics and westboro baptists... now catholics are more (or suppose to be) more tolerants, althougth we dont agree some behaviors..