This has got to stop I can’t keep doing this why does there have be so much happening at the same time it’s like a bloody cliché out of a bad fanfiction! My brother and faceless and my ex but I don’t even know if it’s my ex I just want to sleep and not be scared and not see it make it go away please someone make it go away and it’s too much damn it how is anyone supposed to take this much at once? I’m just a bookkeeper, not an Amazonian heroine or a Valkyrie warrior I’m not a fighter I’m barely a survivor I am nothing I am nobody so why is this happening to me why won’t it stop?
Mental note. Pounding one’s fist into one’s desk until it bleeds should be done after I leave work for the day, not before I go in. My hand hurts like crazy, but it’s my lunch break now and I want to get this down before the details start to fade.
I woke up at about five am. My phone was ringing which set off emergency alarms in my head. After all who calls at five in the morning if it’s not an emergency, right? So I picked it up. Kind of glanced at the caller id, but it must have been on the fritz because it was just a jumble of letters and symbols.
I picked up the phone and at first there was just silence. I said hello several times with no response. Just before I was going to hang up, a voice started to speak. A very harsh croaking whisper. And it was chanting my name. My full first name not my nickname. Kaylin. Over and over, Kaylin, Kaylin, Kaylin. And then a second voice joined the chanting. But it was the same voice. I don’t know how but it the same voice speaking at the same time saying two different things. And this one was chanting Kitten. Which was what my ex always called me. Kaylin Kitten. His Kitten. But it wasn’t his voice. This voice was…the only word I can think of that describes it decently is demonic.
A third voice joined the chanting. Same as the other two and how does that happen three people can’t have the exact same voice it had to be one person but how can one person say three different things at one time and I just want this to stop!
My break is almost over, so I need to hurry this up. The third voice didn’t use a name, proper or otherwise. Instead it chanted the word die. The three of them chanting Kaylin Kitten Die the words chasing each other overlapping and then all three voices chanting die. Over and over die, die, die. And then somehow it wasn’t three voices anymore it was one voice and it was still the same voice and it was still telling me to die and how was it the same voice?
Damn it’s going to take way too much time to go back and retype the hysterical parts but I will make these last paragraphs coherent if it kills me.
The call ended. It went silent and then dial tone. I’m not sure why I didn’t hang up before then. I should have. But I felt frozen. Not anything metaphysical. I just couldn’t make myself move.
Forever ago when I was a little girl, my parents made me go to bible study. While I no longer hold to that system of belief, I haven’t forgotten most of it. And the one thing that keeps coming back to my mind when I’m thinking about those voices is this quote: "My name is Legion: for we are many.”