Friday, February 25, 2011

Still alive here

I haven’t had the urge to update lately. Things just seem so very lost. Ava’s gone, deities only know where, we apparently have an army of super powered assholes that know what we’re going to do before we do it to deal with on top of the eldritch abomination, and it just gets harder and harder to resist it.

Some people have claimed to talk with it. Others have claimed that it projects a voice into their heads. For me, I hear music. It’s seductive and beautiful, possibly the loveliest melody I have heard in my life. There are no lyrics, no words, but I still know what it says. Come to me. Come to me and all this will be over. You won’t have to be afraid or lonely anymore. No more pain. All you have to do is come to me and it will never hurt again.

It’s so hard at night lately. It reminds me of the siren songs of legend, where the siren would sing and the men would run and leap open arms off their boats to their doom, joyful the whole time. And that’s how I feel, sitting in my window having our nightly staring contest. Like all I need to do is walk out that door and just let it be over.

I’m just so tired of being afraid.


  1. Well at least the music you hear doesn't make to you want to take an axe to your own skull just to make it stop.

  2. No and thank you for reminding me that there are things I should be grateful for.

    It's disturbing the way it seems to be able to shape its attacks for each person. I don’t have the talent you have for creating music, but we do share a love of music. To get what it wants from you, it uses a cacophony to wear you down. Rather like a sledgehammer to a brick wall. In my case it’s more like a chisel, slowly scraping away.

  3. Be careful, Kay.

    Don't let it get you.

  4. my advice is to play something happy and calming, and play it loud enough that it's the only thing you can concentrate on. it's worked for a lot of people so far.

    also, south jersey, since you asked.

  5. @Slice I'm trying.

    @Hakurei Hadn't thought of that. I'll give it a try this weekend. And ah, I'm a North girl myself.

  6. Kay,

    I suppose it's probably the best time for me to ask, considering nothing needs my immediate attention besides you...

    Do you want a guest for a few days? I wouldn't mind meeting you and you seem like you could use someone there to help you through this, even if it's only an arm for a few days.

    I can be there by tonight, if I hurry...And forget a few speed laws.

  7. That would actually be appreciated. You can email me if you like.

  8. Alright. I'll have the e-mail sent soon. Got to get my things ready.

    Talk to you soon.